To want another child?

[MidniteScribbler]

I'm 42 years old. I have an amazing son that I had with an ID release donor. He is now 8 years old. I was always happy with having just one child, but I can't seem to stop thinking about having another child.

Please give me all of your thoughts.

Should I? Why should I? Why shouldn't I?

@MidniteScribbler

I think the environmental defence you gave was very weak, don’t you think everyone believes that them having one more child won’t make a big impact?

That’s exactly how the world became overpopulated in the first place.

Before anyone replied to me with another weak defence just be warned I won’t even entertain it because this is a real issue which cannot be justified with ‘me having one more won’t matter’.

Environmental impacts aside, are you sure that your body will be able to handle another pregnancy at that age? Seriously research the risk of having a child with a serious disability as the chances are increased. are you willing to quit your job to care for the child if this happens? Would you be financially stable if this happens?

Not scaremongering but it is a reality that people often don’t consider enough and then regret later.

At your age I probably wouldn’t. You already have one child who’s growing up and I guess staring to become a bit more independent. If you were 5 years younger I’d probably say go for it, but you’re already 42, and you’ve not even started the process (I presume you’d be using a donor again?), granted I don’t know how long these things take to happen.

It’s your body and your life, if you really want another one, then go for it, but don’t hang about. Time isn’t on your side.

My brother and I have an 8 year age gap - my mum had him at 41 so not far off 42. He was perfectly healthy and whilst it was an adjustment having a baby around when I was 8- we are now very close as adults. We share the same humour, same views. Christmas is bigger with our parents, my partner and our kids plus my brother and his wife - I am hoping they will have kids in a few years too which will add further enrichment and life to our family. I'd say go for it. But obviously if its ivf opt for all the screening possible to try and reduce disability as that is a factor at 40+.

Definitely go for it but please don't leave even a day longer.

If the Radfords can keep popping out children then why can't you?

Are you prepared for the possibility of having a severely disabled or SN child?

Bear in mind that a second pregnancy may be much harder now you’re older. Even in my late 30s my second one is killing me in comparison to my first a few years earlier. More pain and tiredness.

My step sister has just had a beautiful baby boy and she's 45 :)

If it's what you want, absolutely go for it. I think the age gap is great as you won't be having a toddler to run around after at the same time.
My parents were also both older parents and I have a great relationship with them. It's a little bit sad that they're getting old now I'm mid 20s but they're here to see my daughter grow up :)

I also agree that the age gap isn’t an issue. I find when people talk about age gaps, they are only focusing on when the children are very young e.g. whether they can play together on holidays. A 9 year age gap will mean nothing when DC1 is 35 and DC2 is 26 for example. I have friends in their 30s and 50s (I’m 40s) so they can still be close.

DB and I are 18 months apart. The small gap almost killed DM with stress (she said we weren’t easy children) and I’ve now gone NC with him after many years of abusive behaviour (from him - I pity any woman who chooses him) so a small gap and running around and playing together when small doesn’t guarantee long term closeness.

DH (one of 5) is closet to his eldest sibling who’s 12 years older than him (very similar personalities) rather than his closest (in age) siblings who are 2 and 4 years older.