To be pissed off at people patronising me now I'm pregnant

[PregnantNotAChild]

Name changed.

I'm a senior in my line of work (relevant) and since staff have found out about my pregnancy I feel I'm no longer being seen as I should be.

We all work very closely together as a small team but that team often changes depending who is on shift. When I am on shift I lead the shift yet have people beneath me telling me my limitations and what I'm "allowed" to do and it's really grating on me.
E.g I asked a new starter to help me do some slight manual handling earlier this week that was well within my abilities and she point blank refused to do it unless it was with somebody other than me!
Another time I had loaded the dishwasher and somebody told me off for pushing the draws in because she thought it was too heavy for me and the final most annoying thing was somebody gave me a glass of water and said "I see you've not had a drink lately. When I next see this glass I expect it to be empty."

WTF!

Is it just me or have some of you had this too? Why do people think we're disabled and need caring for just because we're pregnant.

I’m on my third - I have never experienced this!!

Oooh I'd have gone to the kitchen with the water cup forced on me and slowly and deliberately poured it down the sink making sure plenty folk saw me. I would not put up with that shit either OP. There's a difference between well meaning over-bearing helpfulness and being plain rude - that in particular was so rude, basically saying you are being negligent not drinking enough?!

I only had it once, from a boss I didn't particularly like. A few of us were travelling to a meeting together by tube. Our office was a brisk 5 minutes walk from the tube station and we discussing what time we needed to leave. It was the end of June, very hot, and I was 36 weeks pregnant.

I said that I would leave a few minutes early before the rest, so that I could take the walk a bit more slowly and not have to hold every one else up. Boss made some irritating comment about me not worrying, as they would look after me and 'wrap me up in cotton wool'. Ghastly!

I like people wearing 'baby on board' badges. Until a few months ago, I used to commute regularly with a friend (train journey of about an hour, with lots of people having to stand). We often used to give each other 'do you think she's pregnant' looks, so that we could decide whether or not to offer our seats. It was much simpler when they wore badges, so we didn't risk offending people!

Im not a fan of baby on board badges at all.

It does sound rather patronising, especially the bit about drinking water. I assume they know it's not your first child? I think I'd just start saying "yes I have been pregnant before" and put on repeat. And say that if you start to need help later in the pregnancy you'll ask for it.

So why on earth do people wear baby on board badges so people offer them a seat on the tube. Somewhat different from doing light manual handling in the workplace (or indeed at home like bringing the shopping in), I am sure the OP knows exactly what she can and can't cope with.

It's like the bar staff who take it on themselves to refuse to sell pregnant women alcohol. We're pregnant, not stupid. And we can make our own risk assessments. Same applies to eating soft cheese or egg yolks or whatever the current advice is (given it changes every few years you can take it all with a pinch of salt).

I think they are just trying to be nice but I appreciate it can be annoying. Just say with a smile but firmly: “Thank you for your concern, but I am still me albeit pregnant and therefor still very much capable of deciding about my own boundaries, if I need help I will surely let you know”.

When I was pregnant my DH was very overbearing and was constantly worried if I didn’t go too far for walks, not getting too close in a crowd to potentially ill people etc, etc.
He is very caring and it was well meant but I remember thinking that I felt very belittled by his behavior.

I think it’s nice they’re trying to look after you. I would have loved that. When I was heavily pregnant I had to commute to London sitting on the floor of a train carriage, no-one offered a seat and at work all I heard was “don’t worry we won’t treat you differently” even though I was vomiting at lunchtime.

Sure you may feel that pregnant women don’t want to be treated differently, that’s your opinion, not everyone shares it. I know someone who had a miscarriage after doing a bout of heavy lifting DIY. Another who had bad bleeding during pregnancy triggered by unwisely choosing to do a 5 hr car drive. Another who caused major permanent damage to her hips trying to ‘carry on as normal’ while pregnant.

How I treat pregnant women - offering to carry stuff etc - takes into account those experiences and those around you will have their own experiences to draw on which may be different to yours.