I’ve been with my partner for 3.5 years and in that time there’s been a few occasions where I’ve felt a bit uncomfortable about his female friends. I’ve tried to put it to the back of my head but it’s really starting to make me doubt our compatibility.
He’s early 30s and basically doesn’t have any male friends, only female. The majority of them seem to be exes in some form.
When we first got together he was in regular contact with numerous exes. His most recent, J (year long relationship) hadn’t wanted to split with him and was still obsessively calling/texting, using phrases like ‘he had ruined her for other men’. He constantly called her crazy, a psycho etc. I couldn’t really understand why he was still entertaining her if that was the case. When my ex prior to him was doing similar I cut contact. Eventually he blocked her, although she still sent him random messages here and there on Facebook which became steadily less intense. Not sure if it’s relevant but he was friends with J when he was dating his previous girlfriend, C, who wasn’t happy about their friendship.
Previous to that was C, who he was with for 5 years. I wasn’t too fussed about their friendship until she started dropping her puppy off for him to watch everyday, except I would watch the puppy because he was working 
. She also kept it a secret from her fiancé as he didn’t like my partner. She’s married now but they still chat on occasion, more because they are in the same profession. No problem with this at all, she seems like a nice person. They ended because he cheated on her on numerous occasions with E, who was a friend that he worked with. It was a full blown affair.
E has also still been in contact with him regularly. After he split with C she thought they would be together but he didn’t want that, she was very hurt and actually left her job as they worked together. She is the only one I actually said I wasn’t very happy about. I get people make mistakes but I don’t think it’s really morally right to be buddies with your bit on the side who never really got over you. She still crops up now and again, she’s sent him texts when I’ve been using his phone and stuff. ‘Why don’t you talk to me anymore’ kind of stuff. I don’t think he replies but I don’t really know.
Then there’s T who’s not an ex but a girl who he talks to on Kik that he apparently met through some kind of online game that he plays. I’ve only ever heard bad things about Kik so it gives me a bit of an uneasy feeling. I have no proof that there’s anything to be concerned about. I just find it strange for a 30 year old man to be messaging some random girl on a chat app 🤷🏼♀️.
The current one that is bothering me is L. I only found out about her a few months ago when his phone stated constantly going during the night. He works in a field where there could be an emergency so when he didn’t wake I picked it up. She had tried to call a few times and was sending odd messages like ‘oops looks like you forgot to reply there’. This was 1am on a Saturday night. He woke up pretty quickly when I asked who she was. Apparently just a friend, nothing has ever happened between them. She had contacted him out of the blue (after 4 years of no contact) the week before to say she had split up with her boyfriend as he was boring her before proceeding to try and flirt with him. He didn’t reply to her but again since then she has messaged over and over. I didn’t ask him to but he shows me these messages. The most recent ones have been ‘I want you in my life’ then a few weeks later saying she would be in our area this month and could she stay at his. Again, he doesn’t reply. He said I have the wrong impression of her and that she’s just a weird but good person. I said that I feel like you don’t continue to text and call someone who is ignoring you, call them during the night, drunk text them etc if you don’t at least have some kind of romantic feelings/attraction to them. Especially not when you’ve just come out of a relationship and haven’t spoken to said person in 4 years . Although, it’s still bloody weird even if that is the case.
The thing that is starting to grate on me is that he will proudly say that he ignores these women as if he deserves a pat on the back . I feel like he just ignores them but doesn’t actually cut them off to keep them hanging on so that if at some point situations change he can still go back to them. I don’t understand where he finds these women who are so desperate in some way to continue to message someone who is ignoring them, but he does. I know when he ended his relationship with C and got with J he told her he hadn’t been able to stay friends with her before and was ignoring her because C didn’t like it. It’s like he enjoys the attention. I have met some of his other female friends who are nice people, they’ve stayed at his, they’ve went for dinner, I’ve went with them sometimes etc, I’ve never had an issue with female friends before him.
However, it’s likely he’s going to be moving away soon and we are going to be doing the long distance thing for the foreseeable. The thought of him making new female friends (he definitely won’t make male ones) is making me quite anxious and I’m not sure I’m justified in feeling like that or if I need to work on my own issues here? This has been ridiculously long so I apologise for boring anyone who has got this far 🙈.
AIBU to be slightly wary/uncomfortable with the kind of relationships he has with other women?