A brief little background. I have never contacted the crisis team before.
I’m 24 and I have had anorexia nervosa since I was 16. I currently attend a day hospital during the week to help keep me out of hospital and stabilise my weight loss. My mood has been so low lately, I’m wanting more than ever to change but for whatever mental block (that I’m trying to unpick with therapy) I am unable too. I was made to step off my university course in January, had to stop driving and I recently got signed off work for another 6 months so I’m feeling like I contribute nothing to society and that I’m a burden (intrusive thoughts that I try hard to rationalise but struggle too). My DSis is terminally ill, and I moved back home to care for her with my Mum. I don’t like to talk to my Mum about this as she has so much to worry about with my sister. I have no friends I can talk this through with, I pushed them all away at the start of the year when I became really unwell as I felt they were better off without me.
I’m having horrific intrusive thoughts, to the point where they are relentless and I can’t distract myself from them anymore. I don’t think I will act on them. I have a plan. I don’t think I could go through with it as I couldn’t do that to my Mum. But I’m just so tired of all of this and I don’t see how I can keep going. I know I have too but I just don’t know. I’ve never felt this overwhelmed before. I’ve hurt myself recently and not realised I’d done it. I feel like I’m losing my mind! I’m also not sleeping, I’ve had less than 2 hours every day this week. My nutritional intake is appalling and I have avoided day service for the last 3 days as I just felt “what’s the point”.. not my best decision in hindsight! They left me a voicemail this afternoon with the crisis team number on in case I needed them this weekend.
Is it unreasonable to contact the crisis team with the feelings I have? I need some help but having never contacted them I’m so worried as I don’t want to be hospitalised. And I also don’t know if they’ll think it’s so trivial to contact them without actively trying to take my life. I just want to not feel like this anymore and if I don’t get some sleep / rest from the relentless thoughts soon I’m worried I may give up fighting it.
Thank you for reading. I’m sorry it’s so long winded and if it’s not appropriate for MN, I just didn’t know where else to go for advice.