to ask for some wise words to help me feel better...

[HappySonHappyMum]

I was scammed yesterday by someone who had hacked into a relatives Facebook and sent me some messages asking me to accept a PayPal payment and transfer the payment into their bank account for them. I didn't know relative had been hacked, I felt this request was something that said relative might do and when this scammer messaged they'd obviously read through my relatives recent posts and included details in the conversation that made me feel it was genuine. I was excited to hear from this relative as they had gone away on holiday to be at the birth of my second cousin.
I accepted the payment and transferred it to the account details they gave and a couple of hours later got a refund request from PayPal as it was an unauthorised payment. I have reported it to my bank and also the police.
I feel absolutely dreadful. I can't stop crying and I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I could have made such a mistake even though I was convinced I was talking to my relative. Worse still I am liable for the £500 and have to refund PayPal. The bank is going to try and recover the money but I don't hold out much hope. I don't think I've ever been shaken quite so much by anything before. I'm the sort of person who'd help anyone if they asked and it's really making me question my whole character, maybe I should consider that side of me as a real personality flaw these days and not be as helpful and caring as I try to be. I've always considered kindness one of my best traits. My husband and kids know but I don't feel I can mention I to anyone else in RL as I pretty sure most people would think I've been a complete idiot.

Bump - or does everyone agree that I'm a compete idiot

You have made a mistake, you're not an idiot. Those scams can be very convincing. By posting this threat you may have prevented this from happening to someone else. I hope you don't have to pay the money.

thread not threat

Honestly, there will always be people who fall for these scams or the scammers wouldn’t do them! So you’re not the first and won’t be the last.

Just learn from this for the future, if someone you know asks you for money make sure you contact them via a separate means of communication such as ringing them directly to verify it’s legit. And be a bit more cautious, as I’m sure you will be.

It’s a horrible feeling I’m sure but when you consider some people get scammed for their life savings and pensions, hopefully you can see that £500 in exchange for a sharp life lesson could be much worse (not saying that isn’t a lot of money, it is, but keep it in perspective: you could obviously afford to lose it to have been willing to give it to the relative in the first place, nobody has died, you’ve learned a lesson for future).

I don't know if the bank is going to be able to recover the money - I have resigned myself to the fact that I am probably going to be £500 out of pocket - it is a lot of money and is going to make a significant difference to me over the next few months. I couldn't call the relative involved as she is on the other side of the world and the scammer mentioned this as part of the reason why help was needed. Will definitely be more cautious from now on. The police were kind and said this was becoming a more common scam. I will be kicking myself hard for a long time to come

They've obviously upped their game by using personal information that has led you to believe it was genuine. Your relative being away from home was unfortunate because it made it seem so much more legit.

Don't feel bad and don't worry about changing your character. If there are people in the world who scam people like this then we certainly need as many people like you as we can get.

There was a thread this morning about genuine acts of kindness that actually made me cry. It's so rare and so special. Be glad you're one of the kind people. Your kindness will come back around when you need it.