Inequality shown towards kids from in laws

[Dollyparton3]

Does anyone have experience of this?

Child 1: 16th birthday - big fuss, presents, considerable cash donation from grandparents towards a new phone

Child 2: 16th birthday - given a £20 food outlet voucher for somewhere that he's never shown an interest in.

Child 1 gets regular treats such as clothes/makeup offers to pay for hair appts etc from grandparents. Recently got grandparents to pay a parking fine of £50 that child 1 acquired

Child 2 will occasionally be bought the fizzy pop he likes by grandparents

Child 1 is paid for doing jobs when GP's are on holiday such as watering plants, stacking post away from the door etc. Child 2 isn't given the opportunity.

Child 2 is now commenting that he's not the "favourite" grandchild after the 16th birthday gift that wasn't very well thought through. We don't know how to broach the subject without seeming ungrateful.

Both are equally polite, kind, responsible etc so it just seems a bit unfair.

I have been child 2 and it sucks. I remember one Christmas being asked if I wanted cash or a gift and I chose a gift, got a shitty raffle prize my grandmother had won and my cousin (same age as me as well) got £100 and a nice bath gift set.
The rage was real and after that I stopped visiting or bothering with them because I was always made to feel second best.
I wish my parents had called them out on it because it was so unfair and it made me hate my cousin because of it.

SorryOP your update didn't show when I opened the thread.

Yes between siblings that's unfair.

My MIL favours my eldest, tolerates youngest and ignores the middle child. I try desperately to either make it up to my middle child, or cover for it, but it’s in behaviour/attitude/time spent rather than cash/gifts. I also make it clear to MIL that she’s wrong. Eldest is embarrassed but can’t do anything about it.

When my ex remarried, he had our two DCs every weekend. Then he remarried. That first Christmas, his PIL (that's right, the parents of the woman he left me for) sent a very expensive Christmas gift for DS1. Nothing for DS2. I sent it back, via my ex, saying that I couldn't accept a gift for one and not the other. I didn't point out how bloody weird it was that they were sending gifts for my kids at all. People are odd.

Next time DD gets an gift or treat, ask them if they are doing the same for DS? If not, say no think you as it’s unfair and you can’t stand by and see him treated poorly.

Sorry, first sentence should read when my ex and I split. He didn't remarry twice.

I’m assuming this isn’t a new thing. Why on earth haven’t you said something before. Totally unfair on both children.

Yeah you need to call them and say look I appreciate what you do for DD but if it's not equal then you'd rather nothing at all as DS is upset and you can't ignore that. They'll surely understand? There is a small chance that they perhaps don't realise?

Why don’t you say something!!

My PIL did this.

DD1 was God's gift. DD2 never mattered. They couldn't even use her name; she was always 'Madam' or 'your sister'. They never had anything nice to say about her and there genuinely was no good reason.

As DD1 got older, she became more and more disgusted by this behaviour and, in the end, refuse to visit them. They lost her because they treated her with such favouritism.

DH has called his Dad tonight and said to him that he remembered a rather big show of DD's birthday and didn't feel there was equality here.

FIL said "we'll we're rather skint at the moment" and DH reminded him that MIL had offered to pay for a £60 hair do for DD.

FIL said it was the first he'd heard of it. Now I think we're getting somewhere. They are the classic old fashioned couple to be fair. FIL is still working at a ripe old age and MIL is a full time housewife. I suspect he's oblivious to this.

It's DD's birthday in a few weeks so the perfect opportunity for us to state the bleeding obvious if there is rampant inequality again

Shut it down. Tell them you're not bringing the kids over for any sort of celebration until the disparity is addressed fairly.

That's really sad, but I've seen it plenty of ones before. Grandparents sometimes unashamedly have favourites.

Other way round in this situation but my friend's grandparents always favoured her younger sister. For her 18th birthday, my friend received a suitcase from them as she 'should be thinking about getting her own place by now'. Her sister got a car!!

Very wrong but why haven’t you put a stop to it or had limited contact with them for the sake of your DS.

This is your fault. Why have you jet it go on? You should have stopped it as soon as it started