To think colleague is a bit of a cow?

[Canyoutelliwentpainting]

We joined together so technically “friends” as it’s a big graduate scheme style job, but she makes so many jellyfish style comments - sound innocuous but with a sting in the tail...

Weirdest thing is, she doesn’t do this to any of the men in the group nor the other girls (who are in the minority), seems to be mainly me?

E.g. we had an assessment with work... We discussed it after briefly and I referred to one of the questions being odd. She started discussing it in a way that clearly implied we had put different things down and seemed to be relishing in my discomfort?

Another time, she saw my phone face down on the table and asked if the white phone belonged to me. I said yes. She responded “oh I hate white phones! I like all black everything” - okkkk why mention it then?

Just so many bitchy comments that seem designed to wrong for me. It’s really upset me!

I have one of these, she is basically banned from working with me for bullying after "Jellyfish Comments" (and I like that phrase A LOT) escalated to more twatty behaviour but we do have to spend about 45 mins a week together

I acknowledge her existence, I always say Please and Thank You, but I otherwise engage in as little as fucking possible discourse with her

It's the only fucking way

The woman is lacking in basic manners and maturity, the things she says are what a tactless 18 year old might say but eventually cringe and the memory and outgrow it.

If she joined this scheme relatively recently as a school leaver, presumably she isn't much older than 18?

Your instincts are correct.

Some people just pick out people they see as competition and like to belittle them.

Men and women do this. Its work. Some people will always be like this.

Depending on the situation, theres always a way to deal with them. I like to do the 'create an uncomfortable silence', usually. After every dig.

You sound so full of self pity that you are only thinking of all things about you. Maybe this person is also worried. Maybe this person isn’t thinking of you at all, simply trying to succeed. If you are good enough at your job no one else matters. If this person is better it isn’t their fault. Get over it and do the best you can and stop trying to blame it on others

Are you the "friend" @Alicewond?

Of course the OP is going to react to bitchy comments, be weird if she didn't

@Mothership4two no I’m the voice of reason. Maybe she’ll see what the “friend” thinks from reading my comment

I agree that she is probably insecure because you are a graduate and she’s (in her own eyes, if not other people’s) ‘only’ a school leaver. She’s comparing herself to you and in her eyes you are ahead. That’s why she’s taking every opportunity to try and prove to herself and other people that she is at least as good, if not better, than you.

We don’t know if her attitude is coming from within herself or if there really are people within your organisation who think graduates are inherently better than younger, less qualified staff and it doesn’t really matter what the truth is. Her perception of the truth is driving her behaviour and that’s what you have to deal with.

You have had good advice on here about dealing with this. Choose the way that is the best fit for you and as far as possible try and rise above it. Her behaviour reflects on her, not you. You don’t have to,make it,your problem.

And lose the assumption that someone you spend time with at work is a ‘friend’. You will probably make some real friends through work but most people who cross your path will be just be colleagues. You just need a co-operative, cordial, working connection with them not a true friendship.

God she sounds dull. I'd just respond to every opinion with 'fascinating'. And then just smile as she doesn't understand the sarcasm behind it.

She sees you as competition as you started together. Shes relishing being able to put you down, knocking your confidence. She was worried about you being at university and her being a school leaver and outshining her. Everytime she puts you down think of a comeback and clap back, do it with wide eyed innocence

Sounds like you don't like each other to me.

I would just pretend I can’t hear and look engrossed in whatever you’re doing. The phone comment makes her sound about six years old, your other colleagues must have been rolling their eyes.

A distant, I'm-not-really-listening-and-haven't-really-taken-that-comment-in, response: "Ah-haaaaaaaa".

My wife hates this non-response, when she's having a dig at me and I'm not biting.

My colleague can be like this but she just says what’s she’s thinking. I know her long enough now that she actually really worries what she says has annoyed someone! Her filter is a bit off. I just reply along the same tone usually and try not to overthink remarks.
She hates white phones? I LOVE white phones - EVERYBODY has black phones. So boring.
She might fail her tests? ‘Entirely possible love. I did and before then I’d passed everything first time too.

When she grows up she'll learn that just because you have an opinion on something (especially negative) you don't have to share it.

Don't give her too much headspace. Be professional and cordial but don't get too close to her.

"I don't need your opinion" is an optional reply if you think a reply is warranted.

Worst thing is, she is actually older than me! Pushing 30 so not a young teenager.

Thanks for the rookies

*replies

Just so many bitchy comments that seem designed to wrong for me. It’s really upset me!

why? I honestly never understand why people let haters get to them. Either completely ignore, or just have fun winding them up. It's so easy, very childish but so satisfying.

Fair point Muppet - how do I wind up?

Well if she’s pushing 30 she’s probably spent her twenties constantly being reminded one way or another that she hasn’t got a degree so she’s insecure. Silly of her because the lack of a degree isn’t an indicator of a lack of ability generally, and in her case she sounds capable. She sounds like she’s desperate to assert herself. I’d just do what others have said and keep contact polite but limited. As for the phone colour silliness, I’d just respond with a ‘that’s nice’ (and repeat for every time she says something competitive). Stop giving her oxygen.