Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think shes being selfish

22 replies

Halloweenmaz · 07/11/2019 22:44

My Dsis has a 8 week old baby he is displaying almost the same symptoms as my DS who has a milk allergy and has had one since birth. My Dsis is breastfeeding and when she gives him formula milk he cries for days, in so much pain and wiggles around. She has been to the doctors and they said to cut out dairy from her diet, I also said this is the best way to know for sure he has an allergy. This was weeks ago, she made a small effect to cut it out and he seemed to improve. However today she told me she can't give up dairy as she loves it too much so has been eating it again!?

AIBU to think shes being selfish knowing its a big possibility that eating dairy is hurting him? I know i would cut out dairy for a period of time if it meant my baby wasn't in pain or to see if that was actually causing him discomfort? Am i alone in thinking this? I mean its not forever you would cut out dairy. I feel shes putting her own feelings and selfishness above her son who cant even do anything about it.

I've told her numerous times to go back to the doctors as he is now not gaining weight but it falls on dead ears

OP posts:
Chuffingchuff · 07/11/2019 22:45

Yanbu

PeopleWhoRun · 07/11/2019 22:47

This has made me really sad Sad. YANBU. She definitely needs to go to the GP again, are your parents around? Could they perhaps persuade her?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 07/11/2019 22:51

Is easily solved with giving formula free of dairy & soya.

Mum needs to be happy to have a happy baby.

I did not breastfeed either of my dairy allergic children. They have thrived.

bridgetreilly · 07/11/2019 23:00

Yes, she either needs to cut out dairy or switch to a dairy-free formula. She's hurting her baby and she's also potentially doing longer term damage if he can't digest the milk properly.

Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 07/11/2019 23:02

Yes my son has had dairy free formula too. She said shes asked for it but they wont give it to her? But apparently my mum said she likes breastfeeding as she said its a bond for her and him. But this isnt about formula or breastfeeding but being selfish and not cutting out dairy because she loves it too much

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 07/11/2019 23:25

@PeopleWhoRun yes they are around, spoke to mum but she doesn't really get involved but thats for another thread

OP posts:
BlueJava · 07/11/2019 23:32

Wow how weird not to give dairy up for a while for her son. We were recommended that DS should try to be dairy free for a period when he was 8 yo and we all did it to make it easier on him! YANBU.

RuggerHug · 07/11/2019 23:33

Yanbu Sad the poor baby!

Mishfit0819 · 07/11/2019 23:36

Poor baby, YANBU. Surely her health visitor should be doing something?

There are soooo many good dairy alternatives available now, in every supermarket, so there's not really an excuse for this at all.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/11/2019 23:39

YANBU and I think if it's clear she's bfing and eating dairy you need to tell her straight she's being ry unfair in him, giving him all this discomfort because she won't give up bfing or give up dairy

Singlenotsingle · 07/11/2019 23:40

There are all sorts of non dairy, plant based milks she could use. Soya, almond, coconut..

Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 07/11/2019 23:48

@singlenotsingle I've given her advice as my DS is dairy free. She done it for maybe a week. And then went back to eating dairy. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. And my poor nephew :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 08/11/2019 07:04

Nothing else I can do really is there?

OP posts:
Countryescape · 08/11/2019 07:15

Either she breast feeds and gives up dairy, or she formula feeds.

AnuvvaMuvva · 08/11/2019 07:16

You could buy her some dairy-free formula and give it to her.

Or buy her dairy-free substitutes for the things she finds hard to give up. Like, a really nice almond milk, the best-tasting DF chocolate, etc. Maybe she just feels overwhelmed and is being crap because she doesn't know how to give it up?

WhinyWa · 08/11/2019 08:10

Surely if he starts howling again after she's reintroduced it this week she can just stop again

I don't think she's done anything majorly wrong here. The child hasn't been formally diagnosed with an intolerance.

My baby carried on for weeks at first because my letdown was fast and it improved about 6-8weeks. I didn't remove anything. It could have been coincidence that it got better.

Be supportive rather than tell a mother how selfish she is for not doing what you did.

Thehop · 08/11/2019 09:51

Your poor nephew.

She can buy replacements for dairy easily enough if she wants to keep breastfeeding. She’ll make him very poorly if she carries on.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/11/2019 09:51

Nothing else I can do really is there?
I don't know, how Frank have you been with her?

I don't think she's done anything majorly wrong here. The child hasn't been formally diagnosed with an intolerance
The DOCTOR has advised her to cut dairy out so they can ascertain if there's an intolerance. She's done a half arsed effort then stopped because it's so hard on HER to give up dairy.

Singlenotsingle · 08/11/2019 12:13

She might change her mind if he starts to projectile vomit. All over her.

HavelockVetinari · 08/11/2019 12:21

That poor little mite, she's a selfish prick Sad

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 08/11/2019 12:57

The poor thing. What a selfish irresponsible cow she is. She should have that poor baby removed from her if she can't meet his needs.

FunOnTheBeach20 · 08/11/2019 12:59

Yanbu

She either needs to commit to cutting out dairy or use a dairy free formula.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread