After school activities

[Christmasda]

What is the obsession with having kids attending activities 5 days a week? Do they really benefit from all the activities? We have a four year old and family are shocked that he is not attending any.

YANBU. I know quite a few kids who go to absolutely loads of activities sometimes even when they've explicitly said they don't want to. One set of siblings in particular get no time to relax at home and their parents were told by the class teacher they're too tired and need to cut back (which was ignored).

Most four year olds benefit much more from free play and relaxation after school than a packed schedule.

I didn't know there was an obsession. Five days a week seems a lot for any age. That doesn't leave them any time to just play and learn how to amuse themselves - a very important skill I feel.

Also four is still very young. I think at that age DDs only activity was swimming once a week. By five she had also got Rainbows and then shortly after violin. But we couldn't have coped with every day!

I don't know anyone who was obsessed with a 4 year old doing activities after school, certainly none of the parents in either of my dcs classes at that age.

Totally different thing once they're 9 yo and have 6 hours a day from school finishing and bedtime to fill.

Every day would be extreme but once or twice a week is fine. They benefit from socialising with people outside of school and also learn new skills. Mine only do Cubs/beavers now and gain a lot from it.

YANBU - we don't do any.

Might start next year

Most after school activities here are for children whose parents work and can’t pick them up when schools finish but DD1’s school advise that most Reception aged children are too tired by school to attend many of them unless completely necessary.

Not sure there's an obsession but my ds does 4 activities a week (usually 5 but couldn't afford all 5 this term) he has so much excess energy to burn off and I just figure, whilst he's interested and I can afford it, why not! It gets him socialising with new people and learning new skills and sports. My ds is 6 though and if he said he didn't want to do them, then I wouldn't make him. It's his choice.

@Pimmsypimms

Just in answer to "why not" that would be because even though kids might enjoy activities they actually need time for free play for their mental health and development (it's important they're not always entertained). Especially at 4-8 they should have at least a few hours of unstructured time (some with other kids some not) a day.

Just to be clear that's a general comment not a criticism of you! I'm sure your kid has time to decompress and entertain himself it's just there are definitely some middle class families who feel pushing their kids into as many activities as possible (I'm talking two a night for some kids) is giving them a head start when in fact it's disadvantaging them long term.

Depends on the child, surely? My daughter gets too anxious, so only does a few things. But she has friends who do activities all the time - and enjoy them.

@NoCleanClothes my ds definitely has plenty of down time and he has 2 free weekday evenings to chill out (as well as all weekend) If I thought that his after school activities were wiping him out and affecting him at school/home then we would drop something. He just has so much excess energy and this way he burns it off (the total opposite to my dd!) He decides what he wants to do, definitely not trying to push him in the hope of a head start, just doing activities he enjoys. Sadly not middle class and cost is definitely a primary factor.

Like a pp ds' infant school discouraged activities after school for year R, to the extent that they didn't run any themselves for year Rs (and there was no after-school club; a breakfast club started later but I am not sure if year R were eligible to attend).

DS started swimming lessons in the summer term of YR but he went to a childminder twice a week after school from the off, so one activity a week was definitely enough at that age.

Why not?

Its better than going home and watching tv.

If the kid enjoys it what's the problem.

Pe in school is often spending more time getting changed than actually doing anything. So if it gives then a proper good run around then great.

And it's good for kids who perhaps arent local to have a chance to socialise with kids outside if school

@Pimmsypimms

Definitely wasn't meant as a snarky criticism of you! I do know some families who feel just because they can afford it it's a good idea. The poor kids are ferried from one thing to the other then ten minutes instrument practise each then homework and bed!

@SarahTancredi

Depends on the kid. At 4 years old for lots of kids it's actually not better than going home and watching TV. They're exhausted and need time to decompress. Also surely kids don't just watch TV at home? What happened to actually playing and entertaining themselves?

If a DC is doing an activity in school, they are usually finished by 4 so plenty of time to come home, eat, do any homework and have some chill time before bed.
When my DD was in Reception, she did two activities per week out of school (swimming and tennis). As she got older, she chose to do more after school clubs at school, but could drop them if she didn't want to continue. The only one I insisted she kept up was swimming. I can't say that she ever did five clubs a week, but it was never a problem.
I volunteer in a primary school now, and a lot of children choose to do after school clubs every day because they find it preferable to going to after school club, where they do homework and entertain themselves. As in, they do 45 mins/an hour of netball/sewing/basketball/art/pottery etc and then go to after school club for an hour, rather than go to after school club from the off for two hours.

I don’t know anyone who is obsessed or who does them 5 days a week.
DD1 does quite a lot (piano lessons, gymnastics, ballet, rainbows and swimming). Piano lessons are in school time, ballet is Saturday morning, swimming is Sunday morning. So she only does Monday and weds evenings. That leaves tues, thurs and fri evenings plus most of the day Saturday and Sunday for free play. She loves it all, and doesn’t want to drop anything.
DD2 just does ballet and swimming, as that’s all she wants to do.
Each to their own.

@NoCleanClothes no probs, i can see that some kids do get pushed in to activities, but I just can't seem to tire my ds out out! He's been to after school dodgeball and then beavers tonight and he's still running around now 🤦‍♀️

Dd1 14 currently has activities six days a week. It’s completely her choice, she actually gave up her one one free week night to teach younger kids in her main activity. It’s what she loves, but understands that if she can’t keep up with her school work, something will have to give.

Dd2 11 has activities four days a week. That’s more than enough for her and I doubt she’ll ever want to do anymore. Which is fine by me.

When they were little they obviously didn’t do anywhere near as much. Though I’ve known plenty of 5/6 year olds who activities four or five nights a week.

It depends on the child. My 5 and 6 year olds don't do anything, my 8 year old does chess 2 nights a week and piano once.

My 4 year old does swimming on a Thursday after school and ballet/tap/acro on a Sunday in a 90 minute class

I used to be desperate to do ECA when I was younger- to be shown how to do sports and get good at things be part of a team. I was so bored at home. Most children just go home and watch tv or read every night. Boring.

Especially at 4-8 they should have at least a few hours of unstructured time (some with other kids some not) a day.

There's 5-6 hours between end of school and bedtime (or more hours before school), an hours activity doesn't mean there's not a few hours of unstructured time.

How do you all get your kids to this these things? I must be being really thick because I can’t figure out to achieve this, when the clubs all seem to be 4-5 but I don’t finish work til 5!

I must be being really thick because I can’t figure out to achieve this, when the clubs all seem to be 4-5 but I don’t finish work til 5!

Well if you don’t finish work until 5 then you can’t get them to a club at 4-5, obviously. Some people don’t work, or work part time, or have a grandparent to help out...
DD’s gymnastics is 5.30- 6.30. So is rainbows. Ballet is Saturday am, swimming is Sunday am. Piano lessons during school time.

I think it would be an unusual 4 year old doing lots of activities. Mine could not have coped with much at all at 4. My youngest is 3.5 and has no regular commitments as he's often too tired. I've never really come across preschoolers being over scheduled so your family may have v unrealistic expectations.

My older dc do loads of extra curricular stuff. They absolutely love everything they do and no way would I take them to things they were reluctant to participate in.

I think it's been positive all round - they have tried lots of different sports and activities and have a good working knowledge of a lot of things which will help them to pick them up at a later age if they'd like to. They have stuck with some things and become good at them, competing and being part of a team which has taught them the sense of bonding and comradeship you can get plus the highs of achieving and feeling proud of training hard to reach a goal.

They have made friends with lots of dc from lots of different schools and a variety of backgrounds and cultures, taking part in weekends away and residentials etc, broadening their experience and giving them independence in a safe way. Having friends and activities outside of school was a lifesaver when dd1 was being bullied and was v unhappy in a school.

Mine have loads of free play and downtime and I find it easier to keep them off screens if we have plans and places to be. They never seem to get tired and often have an hour or 2 of pretend play before school in the mornings for starters!

I'm really pleased that mine are into so many things as they approach adolescence - hopefully they will remain active, engaged and enthusiastic as teens. I love to see the older kids at my dc activities as I very much want mine to engage in the real world as they grow rather than retreat behind a phone as I see so many older kids do.

Well there is a balance isn’t there. I don’t think there are many 4 year olds doing activities every night but 1 or 2 nights of activities are not excessive nor would activities on the weekend. It’s pretty normal for 4 year olds to be doing something like swimming, football or ballet.