My mother

[Vgtasd]

Am I right to not speak to my mother after she phones my dd who is 17 and refers to my new partner as a c#nt? Getting sick of the swearing at my children

Yes, you are right. She does not have the right to say anything like that to your child.

YANBU
What a dreadful thing to say to your daughter.
If, as you say, that you’re fed up of her swearing at your children then you need to speak to your mother, tell her that her swearing is unacceptable and then , maybe go non-contact for a while.

There must be a reason she says it. Is he a cunt?

@MsPotterPepper. Does it matter if he is? Either way it’s not right that the ops mother speak like that to her grandchild

Well, if the new partner is horrible then I don't see the problem. It's not going to cause distress to a 17 year old to hear it, they might even agree with it.

That is absolutely appalling. Your mother certainly shouldn't have been talking to your almost adult daughter about your boyfriend and using that language to her is dreadful. She should know better.

I think the main point is, is he a cunt?

I think a few things;

1. Your mum is wrong to involve your daughter. 2) If he's a new partner, are you really prepared to lose your mum over him) 3) Is he a cunt? 4) If he isn't a cunt, you are perfectly entitled to ask your mum to cool it and apologise. 5) Is your relationship with your mum typically strained? If so, obviously this incident in just one of many and you need to decide what to do long term.

You need advice from strangers to figure this out? Really?

Did she phone her specifically to slag him off? How did he come up in conversation?

Hmmmm.... obviously using that word isn't ideal, but your DD is 17 not 7. She has undoubtedly heard that word before and probably isn't shocked by it (though she may be shocked that grandma used it).

The bigger issue is whether she is right. Is your partner behaving badly? If so, then it sounds like she has probably got to the end of her tether, and that you are deflecting from the real problem (your partner) by focusing on your mother's bad language.

If your partner is perfectly lovely then your mother is out of order. But then she would also have been out of order if she had used a less offensive criticism.

Context is everything.

On the face of it, randomly calling your DP a cunt to your 17 yo is awful.

A bit more information may shed some light.

I agree, context is everything. I have the relationship with my nana where she's brutally honest. If she thought somebody's partner was a cunt, she'd come right out and say it.

Then ask if I wanted a biscuit.

He might be terrorising everyone’s lives. Your DM and DD might be utterly miserable because he’s fucking awful and you ignore/excuse his behaviour. Your DM might just be showing the solidarity and support to your daughter that you should be?

Without context, who is to know?