How important it is that YOU like the childminder?

[ChocolateSiany]

My son is 12 months old. He loves going to the childminder. She's really affordable, takes him out all the time, takes him to toddler groups, cooks him amazing food etc. They seem to have a really good relationship, and I am very comfortable leaving him with her. He seems to have a good attachment to her and I love that.

The only problem I have, is that I don't particularly LIKE her. She doesn't like it when I send him in a baby grow because she thinks it's night wear (I think that's just a marketing ploy to get people to think babies shouldn't wear them, but I think they're cute and convenient as he's not walking yet), she is a bit odd and I get the impression she judges me a lot and finds it odd that I am a single parent to such a young baby. There's just something I can't put my finger on. I told her I was vegan when she offered me tea, and she just laughed and said 'erm, okay....' with a weird look on her face - I don't force my son to be vegan and he eats meat and dairy, so it's not like it affects her. I don't preach about or go on about it either. She's just not the sort of person I would ever mingle with. Only because we don't click.

I think part of it is my anxiety and I don't deal well with feeling like people are judging me. The littlest thing makes me to in to panic mode and I am very hard on myself. Don't accept criticism very well (internally anyway).

Am I being ridiculous? It's more important that my son is cared for, right? She has Ofsted outstanding, a great setting and he is doing so, so well. I am trying to put this down to the fact that I question myself too much after coming out of a horribly abusive relationship and having to ask permission re everything I do.

Advice? (As kind as possible. Bracing for AIBU!)

No need to get defensive @MintheMinx**

I disagree @OlderthenYoungerNow. I have every right to defend my profession, especially when I've heard this kind of absurd comment on more than one occasion. Why would you come to the very odd conclusion that people who work with children must be the 'opposite' of people who work in an adult environment, or we have chosen to work with children because they have 'anxiety issues' (implying they're not able to work with anyone other than children)? I very much enjoy adult company AND I'm great with children, as I'd imagine is the case for most people who choose to do this job. Still giggling at the 'simplicity of kids' comment though. I can assure you kids are many things but simple isn't one of them.

• because WE have anxiety issues.

I've childminded close to 100 children in the past 20yrs. Some for a few weeks, but more often it's for years. Some parents have become firm friends and we socialise long after the children have left. Some parents enjoy a coffee and a natter when they collect their child(ren), some like to grab and run.

Everyone is different. You can't get on with or like everyone, all you can do is provide the best possible care for their child. It sounds like you have some issues of your own which you are working on so, given that your child is happy, I would persevere for a while and hopefully the relationship between you and the minder will become more comfortable.

Bloody hell, Min. You OK hun? I'm not attacking your profession 🙄 overly dramatic much.

I'm curious about it - quite a few people on this thread have a similar experience. Adults who work with children all day every day appear to not be great at making conversations with the parents. This could be a number of reasons. One of those, may be, perhaps, potentially, that some prefer the company of children then adults. What I'm suggesting isn't outrageous. Your reaction seems quite OTT to me!

Where have I suggested it's all childminders can do? You're just projecting now!

I’d like to argue the evidence put forward by the -very small- sample above and say that I’m a childminder and have perfectly acceptable social skills with adults too, thank you very much
In fact, I employ two assistants who I get on fabulously with.
I would also agree that it’s difficult to switch out of ‘childminder mode’ and into ‘adult mode’ when parents pop in. I’m sure anyone with children will be able to relate to that though!
I get on amazingly with lots of my mindee’s parents, many of them I would consider friends, and have and do see socially with my own daughter. There are a few that I wouldn’t necessarily spend time with outside of my working hours though, purely because we don’t really click. So long as they have every faith in me to be a fabulous childminder to their child I’m not really concerned with whether or not they like me, nor me them!

@OlderthenYoungerNow I actually agree with you, for myself personally! Not because I’m antisocial or find adult company hard but I am an introvert and crave time and home with just my little ones pottering about. We go out to groups or meet people most days but just like the little ones, I’m always ready to come home and have a quieter afternoon.

I don’t gel with every parent. I have one in particular, that while perfectly lovely, is such a chatterbox that I dread her arriving. She just talks AT me for several minutes, drags out goodbyes and generally interrupts things. I just can’t wait to get on with our day and assume others should feel the day- getting off to work or whatever they need to do.

I’m nice though! And ofsted outstanding

I have immense awe for childminders. Particularly those with outstanding ofsted ratings as I imagine it's huge amount of hurdle jumping and paperwork and to do that while at home with three under 3s or whatever is an incredible feat. I certainly couldn't do it!

My childminder is absolutely amazing and I don't know what I've done to deserve her. I have no worries about my little one going to her and she's enabled me to continue working full time and have a family, something which without such amazing childcare would be impossible.

I'm not looking for a best mate in her luckily!

Enwi, if we're being scientific about it, I suppose we better ask your employees about your social skills! 😉.

Like I've said, it's just something I've wondered when considering my own childminder. Certainly for her, I think she excels in her role because she is so great with kids. That might be cos she finds them easier than adults.

I can see why you dislike her but I would keep your DS with her. He's happy and not all childminders are wonderful to be honest so if she's good at her job (if less good at dealing with parents) I'd keep her as long as it works for DS.

If she's really good with your son and it sounds like she is then I would keep him there. I think deep down we all secretly judge each other don't we? She shouldn't really comment on the babygrows as it's your choice what you get him to wear (I love them by the way and feel they are perfect for them when they are that young).

Just keep drops off short sweet and friendly without much chat. Stay smiley and make sure she knows how happy you are that your child is making progress because of her. You can be kind to her without being friends or really engaging. 'Pass yourself' is something I often here when you need to get on with someone.

Having read your posts, I think your son staying with this childminder is fine and sounds beneficial and good for him. A happy child in an environment I am satisfied are safe and trustworthy are the keys things I look for.

I’d try to look at it in the sense that you can work alongside people in an office that you wouldn’t want to socialise with in the evening but you can see how good at their job they are.