Bit of backstory: been with DH since early twenties, am low/no contact with my own family and his parents have kindly included me in their family Christmas' since we got together. He has two siblings, everyone lives in different parts of the country - drivable, but not local enough to visit anyone without an overnight stay. As the years progressed all the siblings have taken in turns to host, as well as parents hosting, we've done the last two.
The two siblings now have young families and realistically will be doing their own thing for Xmas for the foreseeable future. PILs are at an age where traveling and being away from home feels quite stressful, and they have said they want to go back to having Xmas at theirs. I've said to DH that I'm happy for us to do the travelling as it's only going to get harder for them as they get older (they're both in reasonable health but fil is mid seventies). Just to be clear this isn't about hosting, it's about spending time with them - we stay in a local hotel, in the past we've done the food order and cooking at theirs etc.
Now my AIBU - PILs are at an age where they don't eat much, their portion sizes have shrunk. Understandable. They also have started to worry about the environment, and waste. This year MIL has said not to order food for Xmas dinner as it's a waste, especially as there won't be children there in Xmas day, instead she'll just do a chicken dinner.
I've been to PILs for dinner before and chicken dinner would be chicken, maybe three potatoes, and a yoghurt for desert. These days they don't eat between meals and it wouldn't occur to them to get anything else in.
I really want to either take food to cook, or at least take extras if we're going - either for the meal, or snacks (mince pies, chocolates, nibbles etc). DH says not to as it'll cause offense.
I know people might read this and think they really don't want us to go for Xmas but I know that's not the case - pil has already planned where he wants to go for a Xmas walk, mil is excited about showing us photos of the grandkids on her new tablet. They're just not very interested in food any more.
I do feel that as we're the couple without children/the ability to travel, and esp given how lovely they were to me about past festivities, that its our responsibility to spend Xmas with them, and they are good company. But to me, food is a huge part of Xmas, and that includes a bit of excess! I feel like just taking extras anyway, but DH thinks we should suck it up and avoid a fuss - after all, it is their home. I feel like I'm being greedy to be bothered by this but it does make me feel a bit sad to think of future xmas' being so sparse! AIBU?
For what it's worth, we have tried alternatives - suggested going out for Xmas dinner but they think it's unnecessarily expensive (we'd offer to pay the lot though they don't let us usually) And going away for Xmas is out because of the travel. We'd be there Xmas Eve til boxing Day and I only get the bank holidays off work so I can't do something on alternative days.