Money

[jewelzzx]

Ok. This may sound like a weird thread and it probably is, but I'm just wondering what other people's thoughts are. It isn't too long so thanks for reading if you do.
I'm 20 years old have a daughter who will be 2 soon and a partner of 4 years.
When he works he always gives me money and treats me, even without asking and gives money for me to get our daughter stuff.
I don't work and whatever I get a month I have been saving here and there and have managed to save 150 for my daughter in a account, and 470 cash in home in a box. But I haven't told my partner. Because I know if I do it will probably be gone within a week on useless things.
Aibu to save and keep to myself? Non of this money is his it's what I've saved myself, or are you supposed to let your partner know about money you have? I just want to keep saving but feel like I can only manage that if I only know about it.

If he is bad with money, you are being sensible.

No YANBU.

But if you want to keep saving, maybe get a job? Part time work evenings & weekends if you feel you can't earn enough to afford childcare (and be aware, there is help with childcare costs if your income is low). That way you can earn your own money & have some financial control.

I wouldn't say he's bad with money, but saving isn't something he has managed to do, or thought about doing, I feel like it'll be better in the future if we ever came to a situation where we needed it I can be like well , here we go, I've been saving

Yeah I am looking for work, I've had a few issues with my daughter which are getting sorted so hopefully soon I can work, but I almost feel guilty for not sharing it but reality is we don't need anything and I just think it might be blown on crap

YADNBU, you should look at it as emergency money, a bit of security for you and your daughter..

@Jellykat yeah something like that! Thank you :)

I think you’re being sensible to save and particularly if you don’t trust him. However, I also think that you’re in a vulnerable situation of being financially dependent on someone else. You’re really young to be stalling on getting a career and work experience up and running.

Just saw that you’re looking for work at the moment. Good luck!

i'd get that money in the bank a.s.a.p then it's safe from 'useless thing' spending, safety net for you and dd.

I wouldn't keep it in cash in a box at home. Put it in a savings account at the bank.

No worries, as a lone parent i've always stashed money no-one else knows about whenever i could, you never know when you'll need it!
Yes good luck with the job hunting

And I would also talk to your partner and suggest that the two of you work together on coming up with a budget so that you've got some saved for family/house emergencies, some for your daughter, some maybe saving up for a holiday, or car, or whatever. Not because you don't trust each other, or because you think he's not generous, but because you have responsibilities and need to start acting like adults about them.

As long as it's not his money that he's specifically given you to buy your dd things that you're saving, then it's fine. I'd put it in an account that's just fir your dd though, like a junior savings or ISA. It seems a bit dishonest to me to save it in an account that's in your name only without telling your partner.

Couldn't you just say that you're putting some of your dds child benefit away for her future? That way you're still saving the money that's isn't his and surely he wouldn't expect to spend the child benefit on frivolous things?

It depends if you live together or not.

If he doesn’t ask then you don’t need to tell. If more woman thought like you there would be a lot less of a headache along with the heartache if it all goes tits up. See it as a fall back, just incase. A protection account, for a very very rainy day. And if it doesn’t come? Well you’ll have money for DDs future. Your life right now directly effects your DD, so look after yourself.

U are deffo not doing anything wrong. I'm 35 and so is my hubby and I do this Cos he's not the best with money. Don't feel bad

If he’s good enough to give you money just for ‘spends’ for you and DD the good on him (and you). I think this shows he’s a good guy and wants everyone around him to enjoy and have fun. This has no relevance on the money that you have squirrelled always. However - if in 5 years and you’ve squirrelled 10k away he may start asking questions.

@PaperWhiteDaisy not so much as trust in general but a bit with money yes as he might think it's a lot of money so we can spare to waste some maybe? That sort of trust, yes I am I want to work with animals so I'm looking at training to be a rspca officer and get the year course/studying done :) thank you :)

@littlepaddypaws yeah I agree it is probably silly to keep it in the house just incase, I only have a children's monthly saving account so when it's in I can't take it back out unless I close the account down which is good in some ways :)

@bridgetreilly I agree it probably isn't the most sensible idea I'll look into that

@NailsNeedDoing no non of it is his money, otherwise that would be wrong I realise, I haven't saved any money into an account yet the only account I do have is a kids monthly saving with Halifax which has my daughters name and will be hers future wise (also my own money I've put in there) I could say that but then there is a possibly chance it could be spent where as if I don't tell it wouldn't be a problem, I never know he may have money I don't know about but I wouldn't ask him that. I do get monthly money for my daughter which I do save and get her things with but I also get money and I save a mass majority of it for her also

@ffswhatnext we do live together :)

@Sohololopopo yeah it would be helpful if anything did go wrong!

@youareasyoungasyoufeel yes it's nothing against him I just want to be able to save and not have it wasted and all that time doing it just gone within a matter of time

@mm40 yeah he is good in those ways which I can't @ him for :) oh no I'd definitely tell him if it got to that but I think that would take me a while! X

Sorry thought I'd reply to each one ☝️

a very sensible lass you are OP, good on you...

@BumbleBeee69 thank you! I do feel like I am doing something right more than I am wrong so🤷🏼‍♀️ thanks😊x

Maybe try and encourage him to start saving a little bit for emergencies as well?

You could suggest starting a saving account that you pay £10 or £20 a month into. It should help him realise that saving (and security for your daughter) is important to you. It would be a couple of years before it had as much as you've managed to save on your own so hopefully he wouldn't want to splurge it on anything.

@ConfusedBear yeah I'd like it if he would do that I just need to make him realise maybe that saving is a normal thing and should be done, everyone does it so why not us and explain the benefits of it :)

What do you mean when he works he gives you money for your daughter? You make it sound like he's doing you a favour. You should have equal access to money op and accounts. You should know the family outgoings and incomings and not have to wait for him to give you money like a teenager on an allowance.

Sounds sensible. Don't keep cash in the house though, bad idea - as pp said open a junior ISA for her.

I'd be getting trained/a job asap at your age - and to be honest getting something which isn't your "ideal" job just to get some experience and a foot in the door somewhere would serve you better than waiting - good luck!

I think you need to speak to your partner because frankly it sounds like you get pocket money when he feels like giving it to you. Are you getting child benefit? Are you able to access any money at all from a joint account t or is it in his name? Its making me slightly uncomfortable that you do t seem to have any idea about his earnings or what is going on financially in your home