There's no point trying for a better future

[Namechange20019]

I am applying for teacher training. Got a interview in 5 days time. They requested a very specific type of research article which has to be brief, noted and printed to pass around, as well as an annotated ethos and a short essay on why I want to be a teacher.

Bought a printer and it isn't working as WiFi is apparently broken. My husband can't fix it till tomorrow which will give me 4 days to prepare in between breaks at work. Tried to write the essay all day but my son kept stealing my pen and screaming. I did a bit during his nap but I still have a house to sort and it's hard to concentrate in a pig sty while hysterically crying

Had 3 hours sleep last night so spent most the afternoon crying as am sleep deprived and feel like there is no point. I work evenings when my husband isn't working so he can't take my son for me.

I have worked in the same minimum wage job for 10 years and I studied alongside work. I now have great qualifications I just can't seem to get a break. I applied for loads of jobs, got help with my CV and now I have unpaid experience was really hoping I could get into teaching.

BUT I feel like unless you go into it straight from college or have a great support system there is no point trying.

I'm right aren't I? If I can't do 3 tasks how will I prepare lessons for kids for 8 hours a day!

I just feel like I'm going to be stuck in my horrible job for my whole life, feeling undervalued and being 20 years older than everyone else.

I just feel like giving up and emailing the uni to cancel the interview. I feel so low and unworthy of anything but at the same time I feel like I deserve more than a minimum wage job when I have been working so hard on myself both academically and gaining experience volunteering.

I just don't know what to do, family live far away and keep messaging me helpful tips but everything they say just adds another to the list of things I have to learn for interview. I want to just run away but my take home wages at the moment is -£10 after bills so I can't even escape my crap life.

(This was written through sleep deprivation and tears so sorry for all mistakes, tried to reread it to check but it just made me cry!)

The key statement here is ‘I only had three hours sleep last night.’
Put down the essay for tonight. Feed yourself, try and go to sleep early.
You will get there in the end; four days to prepare is not so bad. You might get this job, and you might not, but you are doing something super tough, so give yourself a break. And give yourself more time to achieve your goal of a better job. I interviewed for my dream job after a night of being vomited over by a two year old. It was awful and I didn’t get it but the experience stood me in good stead for more successful interviews later on.
Good luck OP.

Sorry, I know you’re talking about teacher training not a specific job - I just mean don’t pressure yourself over one opportunity. It doesn’t feel like it but there are others!

1. You will feel better when you've slept
2. Can you work on it in the evenings while DH looks after your DC?
3. There are other places that will print things
4. There is always a point in trying for a better future

HTH

Just go for it. If you don't you might regret it. I know someone with a really challenging toddler and she's just qualified as a teacher and worked her first term. She said it's demanding but they have made it work. Can you print out at library? Don't feel like you can't. The fact you want to better yourself is inspiring. If it doesn't work out, try again soon. Good luck x

Why would you buy a printer when you are in deficit with your wages? You could go to a library to print it.
You're being very defeatist, which is in part, no doubt, to the lack of sleep. You haven't said how old your son is but could you not leave him in front of a film and go and work for an hour or so? Or ask your ohs family member or friend to watch him for a bit. If he wants your pen give him one and some paper. And why are you trying to hand write it when you need to print it anyways? Type it and save time so you aren't coping it later.
If you want to improve your situation you're going to have to struggle for a bit but you can do it. Don't give up so easily because tbh if you're that much of a quitter you'll never make it as a teacher!

Do you have time to go to the library? It might help if you could write and print it there. Ours costs 5p a sheet to print.
Get a good nights sleep first. Sleep deprivation makes everything bad.

I get it. I have a similar but different situation, I understand all your feelings. Sometimes small things are enough to send us into a fit of despair, but you know what, you are raising a child well and you are doing your best. There will always be a next time. Be kind to yourself.

As a teacher you would have extra money to pay for a day at nursery for your son to get work done or a cleaner etc. Don't be too hard on yourself, you have a lot on. Hope you feel more rested today and you can go for it with the interview planning. Libraries have printers and photocopiers mine is 10p per sheet in black and white if your printer is not mended in time. Good Luck!