To not want to move DD in Year 6

[Twotinydictators]

DH and I are in disagreement. AIBU to think that if we move house to a new area, then it's worth the sacrifice to do an hours school run each way to keep DD at her current school until the end of Year 6. (This would only be for Year 6 maximum, actually only 39 school weeks out of a year, as we need to move in order to apply and secure a place in the new school). She will then go to Secondary School in the new area with loads of other kids who are all meeting for the first time.

DD is bright and popular but has always been on the shy side and I think she would struggle moving when she is a pre-teen with the solid friendships that have already formed if she had to go to a new primary for the final year in Year 6.

So as not to drip feed, I work from home and could potentially work at my dads office which is 10 mins from her current school or rent a tiny office space and work off my laptop before driving home at the end of the day.

DH thinks that's madness and just to move her.

Prepared to be told I am/am raising a snowflake. Maybe

i wouldn't move her. i think it would be hard for any child to make friends in the final year of school

I would move her now, if she’s going to a secondary which will likely have students from her new primary then it’ll give her a chance to make friends beforehand. Plus opportunities to meet children over the summer.

Nope I wouldn't move her. It's one year of harder logistics for the adults. Being the only new kid isn't fun.

I wouldn’t move her either.

Should have said, cant move now, still refurbing current house and tied in to two year fixed mortgage.

There were quite a few newcomers in Year 6 at DC's school. They all settled in well (a very volatile friendship age so friendship groups all changed around) and had the advantage of going up to secondary school with people they knew (yes, everyone will tell you it doesn't matter, but if you're worried about your DC making friends in Year 6, they are not going to find it any easier in a big secondary school.
Two hours in a car each day (have you tried this at rush hour - or could it be more?) is ridiculous. Year 6 is a great age for playing out and meeting friends out of school and she won't be able to do any of this if she lives an hour away.

Have you asked her? I would be inclined not to but would see what she thought too

I wouldnt move her either. Friendships are so well established by this point it would be hard to break in

We moved 150 miles during the summer holidays before DD1 started Yr6, so she had to start a new school for her final year of primary. We decided to move then, rather than wait a year as we felt she would make some friends to carry through to senior school in the new area, rather than starting High School not knowing anyone. It worked out well for us, she made friends and was confident in starting senior school, but has since made new friends and is now very happy and settled in Yr 8.

I'd go for it! 2 hours a day in the car is no fun for a 10/11 year old (or you!)

I have asked her and she is upset at the idea of leaving at the end of Year 5 but more content with the idea of starting at secondary with other new kids. Around 3 primary schools will be feeding into the local secondary so there will definitely be plenty of kids who dont know each other in each class.

Could be doable for a year but while there will be kids going to the secondary that don’t know each other most of them will know some other kids from their primary schools. Could you find her an activity in the new area so she can meet some kids who will go to secondary school with her so she will have people she knows for the transition.

Yes I would do what you propose.

My DD would've hated to have missed Year 6 with her existing friendship group, because of the PGL trip, leavers' concert etc, the fun stuff which is much more enjoyable with people you know well.
Could you possibly both spend a night a week at your dad's house, if that is near the school, to cut down a little on the travelling?

If there are 3 main feeder schools into the secondary then it's likely that most of the children will know someone in their class, even if they don't know everyone. And the children will cling to the people they know, even if they didn't particularly like them at primary school, at least at first.

It doesn't make it easy for a shy newcomer who knows no one.

Whereas if she starts in Year 6, some established friendship groups will be breaking up (both my DC ended up with almost completely different friends in Year 6 compared to Year 5 - including children new to the school) and she has the novelty value of being the new kid (everyone will fight to be her buddy).

Plus, as I said upthread, it's not just about what happens in school - if she makes friends in her new area she can play with them after school and particularly across the long summer holiday. Otherwise you'll have to do lots of driving back and forth so she can keep seeing old school friends, or she'll be very much on her own.

you also need to think about extra curricular activities (where will she do them?) and things happening at school that necessitate a second journey in the day - particularly at the end of the year where there are end of term plays, leavers' assembly, prom etc. Some schools have early morning extra SATS support - does yours? Also, how will you manage transition events to secondary school?

Personally I would only move her if by doing so you had much better chance of getting into a secondary you are happy with.... Or as its a late application will it make no difference?

We.moved DS in year 6, he started at the new school at the beginning of December. We tried to move him before that but it took ages for the appeal and process to be followed. He was being bullied though and was desperate to leave his old school.

He did make new friends immediately and was really popular, he has remained friends with lots of the new friends despite not going to the same secondary school as most of them. He also was seen much more positively by staff at the new school- a supply teacher who had been his class teacher previously at the old school 'warned' his new class teacher that he was a troublemaker and argumentative. The new teacher said that wasn't hewett experience of him at all and he had settled in well, was a pleasure to teach. It just shows that a bad name sticks (he would snap sometimes when bullying got to a certain point at his old school).

It is possible to do well in a year 6 move, but I wouldn't have looked for it if he hadn't been so unhappy. He bloomed overnight.

Weve just moved DS to start Y6 (well, he did the last 3 weeks of Y5, then into Y6 in Sept)
He's been fine (as has his younger brother).
They are both far from the only new kids.
I would try my hardest not to move after Y6 had started tho.

There was no possibility of staying at the old school due to distances involved.

I was moved to a new school in year 6 when we moved house, started in the September when everyone went back after the school holiday and I loved it! Made some great friends really quickly (as I was the new girl) and I was glad there were a few of them in my y7 tutor group when I moved up.

If you don’t move schools, she will have no friends locally for over a year. That sounds awful.

Better to go up to Year 7 knowing a few people too. It’s a big enough transition anyway, without feeling completely alone. I would def move for Year 6.

We moved when DS was in year 5 (the June) we kept him there for year 6 but it was only 10minutes and by the end DH was thoroughly fed up of it.

I do a 30minute commute, easily upped to 45minutes - 1 hour, it is not enjoyable. Think of the petrol costs as well.

I'd move her.

Our local secondary school has one bigger primary and 4 small primary’s from this area filtering in, most of the parents send year 6 kids to the bigger school, that being said the kids all tend to know each other because of brownies cubs cricket rugby and football etc, the kids tend to stick together for the first while at secondary, there’s usually about 6-8 kids in each form

I had to move house in the summer holidays before dd started year 6 had no choice (council house allocation) and 30 miles away from old school. She was gutted and I felt so guilty she lost out on a residential trip they always did in year 6 and her leaving assembly with kids she'd been with since reception. Was difficult time.
BUT
It have her a chance to make new friends before all going up to the local secondary school. Both primary schools were rural and tiny so to have gone from the old primary straight to the new 1000 pupil secondary in new area would've been worse I think. These things are always so tricky and guilt laden but dd does say that the change was ultimately good for her in terms of learning resilience!

I moved in the January of year 6 and didn't have any issues or remember it being particularly traumatic etc - plus it meant I knew local kids for the summer holiday

However I grew up in the forces and was well used to moving in primary - I think that was my 4th (possibly 5th) primary school

I'd move her - unless you were moving in the final term then I'd probably let her stay

I moved at the end of Year 5, 500 miles from my home, to Scotland. 13 years later, my sister moved at the end of year 5, back to England. We've both coped fine. We even had a different school system to get used to! To be honest, I was being bullied at my first primary and although I had a small really close group of friends (who I am still in contact with 20 years later), I used the move as an excuse to reinvent myself before I had to go to Secondary. I needed it, and it allowed me to have some friends when moving up a school, people to get the bus with etc.

Thanks all. Some things I hadn't considered such as managing end of year events that have given me more to think about! Also have younger DS so wont be that easy to stay overnight or just hang around while DD has additional activities... I may be BU! I don't think I'll show DH this thread after all...