I apologise in advance for how long this post will be and greatly appreciate anyone that takes the time to read it all, even more so if advice is left.
I’m really struggling with my relationship at the moment, I feel stuck in a rut and it always boils down my OH’s social life.
OH believes he is entitled to his social life however he chooses to spend it and I am being unreasonable to expect any less and allowing it to cause us problems. After arguing about this so much for so long and getting ignored I’m beginning to think iabu so would appreciate some outside advice.
OH is a social butterfly and has always enjoyed a drink however I was promised that this would change to special occasions only if I chose to become pregnant.
Became pregnant - the above went out the window with the excuse being that once LO arrived OH’s social life would naturally decrease anyway so he used this time to get it out of his system.
I spent a lot of pregnancy worried about OH’s adjustment and communicated this with him only to be met with criticism for not believing in him.
Fast forward to LO arriving and due to continued wild night outs we got into a bad cycle where I would immediately have my back up at any suggestion of going out as I’d assume the worst meaning OH became scared to check with me so instead would go straight from work barely communicate and then return in early hours of the morning - 5,6,7am to avoid my wrath.
After getting to the bottom of this OH suggested that it would help him if I didn’t assume the worst or give him the cold shoulder when he returned.
Then he gave up drinking for over a month after going out at midnight (upon my return from a rare night out) and not returning home until 1:30pm the next day when we were due to meet over 30 people at 2:30pm.
I told him many times how proud of him I was and every week we discussed how well he’d done to keep completing this detox.
There was no end date to the detox but when he decided to finish it, he lied about drinking again. We got to the bottom of that and he said he was worried I’d be disappointed - I expressed it’s fine to drink as long as it’s manageable so that’s what we agreed.
You guessed it, the wild out nights out continued. My issues are....he moans about limited family time and how my decision to go back to work limits it further yet chooses to spend the time he could have going out. Plans HE makes with me and LO go down the toilet due to his absence and our plans the following day also go down the toilet due to him being severely hungover or they go ahead and he’s moaning about how he feels. If I go out myself for the day with LO he complains I'm stopping family time. He also barely communicates with me while out so if anything was to happen he’d be none the wiser and 1 drink always ends up in multiple.
I’m told the same thing every time which is either he can’t do this and will have to give up drink again or the complete opposite which consists of....what difference does it make to you when you’re asleep anyway? You knew I was like this before, I’m entitled to a social life and need a blow out every now again because of stress from work so can’t promise that I’ll ever stop.
This weekends antics ended up in usual arguments on Monday night, he left for work on Tuesday and told me he was meeting a friend for a drink after work. While at work he apologised for the arguments we had the night before and said we need to work together to get better - I agreed.
Last heard from him at 2pm, didn’t hear again until 12:15am, returned home at 2am.
That is obviously not one drink or the behaviour from someone who cares about my feelings.
God knows what I should expect tonight.