AIBU - Christmas & MIL ‘dilemmas’

[Loveagoodpaxo]

Is it just me who eye rolls every time I see another MIL wants to control Christmas arrangement threads?

Realise I may get shot down for this but to me it’s just common sense. Go if you want, don’t if you don’t.

A agree but some people are not like that. They face pressure from partners and other family, guilt trips, want to keep the peace, rely on childcare, find themselves in a loop of taking turns etc.

My husband and I have been together 12 years, have a 2 year old and another due in Feb. We have had one Christmas with my parents 3 years ago and one with his about 5 years ago. We face a lot of pressure from his family to do more Christmas’s there but neither of us enjoy it and would rather be at home so just say no every year. We often get some guilt trip about ‘elderly relatives last Christmas’ or MIL cries about not seeing us enough.

You’re right @mrsducky88, I know some people aren’t as strong to just say it how they want it.

I guess I’m fortunate that both my parents and my in-laws are local but all agree due to our lifestyles (and being farmers) Christmas Day is a day of rest, not charging around the place visiting as many people as possible and hosting. It’s probably some people’s idea of rubbish but to us lot it works so maybe I should be more sympathetic.

Sometimes the conflict is not necessarily about the MIL but more that the OP don't want to go and the DH do. In those situations there needs to be a compromise imo.

My DH and I are parents and ILs of grown children with families. We are always quite pleased when it isn’t our ‘turn’ and we can just have a day going out for a walk, or watching crap tv in our pjs with a drink or two.
I have always told them all that they should do as they wish at Christmas as I would hate for anyone to visit out of duty.

We just stay at home but every year I get passive aggressive messages from mil about how "good" SIL with sharing her children at Christmas and taking turns at going to each grandparent. I stand firm. I did try a couple when the children were little bit it was so miserable and stressful that I don't want to go. Ever. Again.

(We compromise by going after new year before the kids go back).

OP don't want to go and the DH do

No you’ve it it all wrong, it’s always a case of the DH happens to detest his own family just as much as OP, and the DH obviously completely agrees the OPs parents are totally way better Yet for some reason PIL are just dying to come and stay for the whole month of December with their son who supposedly hates them.

Some people want to celebrate each and every Christmas with "Old Uncle Tom Cobbly and all" exactly the same each and every year in every particular and some would just like to enjoy the actual day with just their partner and DC without all the cooking waitressing and expense involved in providing a meal which so many people have a particular vision of what is "perfect".
Its a shame more families can't see it as a festive "season" where the real purpose is just getting together, rather than investing so much into one day particular day and trying to control it so that it exactly matches their idea of "perfect".
There I said it.

It amazes the stuff posters ask regarding what they should or shouldn’t do where their MIL is concerned. Basic, boring stuff that everyone knows in RL. I’m sure half of it is for attention as they know MIL threads bring lots of it.