To ask for a solution to this?

[pinklady35]

Not really an AIBU but looking for some advice on this.

Last Christmas we went to mils house for lunch. This Christmas I want to cook lunch in our own home with our own children but mil won't come because she likes to host and will have sil and her family and then some of dhs aunts and uncles and possibly some of her partners family too. We do not have room for that many people.

My parents visited us on Christmas morning last year and stayed for drinks and nibbles until about 1pm when we had to leave for mils. My parents won't do Christmas anywhere else except their own home even though it will be just the two of them.

My husband isn't happy that I want to stay home this year as opposed to going to his mums again but has accepted it however he has said he is taking the kids to visit his family on Christmas morning despite us seeing them Christmas Eve as tradition and also going to another relatives for lunch with them on Boxing Day. Mil had been invited over Christmas morning but she's just so busy getting stuff ready hence why DH said he'd visit her instead.

So when can I see my family? He'll have the kids and the car gone in the morning whilst I get Christmas lunch ready. He then suggested I go after lunch which means I can't drink with my lunch if I'm going to drive and the whole afternoon will be gone from me. When I said all this he was like well your family don't make an effort with you it's been 6 months since they came over to visit us despite living 30 minutes away and we visit them every 2/3 weekends and personally he wouldn't bother. I know in reality there is enough time to visit both parents and have Christmas lunch but it just feels we will spend most of the day traveling. I could ask my parents to visit again Christmas morning but last year they made such a big deal about how my dad works long hours in the build up to Christmas and having to travel over on his day off was a major inconvenience.

There is probably a simple solution for this but I can't see it so just looking for some perspective please. Thanks

Our Christmas “lunch” is very late afternoon. If you are organised you can still go and see your parents when DH gets back and he can finish off prepping. So maybe just change the timing.

Honestly, no offence to you OP but I want to bang my head against the wall with all these Christmas ‘dilemma’ posts.

@Loveagoodpaxo I don't blame you I did think about that before posting. No offense taken 😊

I think that you should put the ball in your parents' court
Invite them for the day. If they decline, suggest they come over in the morning. DH and DC will have to make visit to MIL a quick one
If they still won't budge, then could you see them Boxing Day morning on the way to IL relative?

You invite your parents but they won't come? It's very odd of them not to make an effort, is there a reason for this?

I would invite them to you, they don't come, so you can see them on 27th instead. Or another day in the holidays, perhaps 28 or 29th if you have to go to work on Friday 27th.

Can you not go see your family alone whilst he is taking the kids to see his?

You will be seeing his side of the family at the other times you mentioned, so they won't be offended you cant make it. And if your parents were so fussed about seeing the kids they should make more effort to facilitate it.

Both spend a couple hours visiting the separate parents in the morning and rendezvous back home together by lunchtime and relax

@fruitbrewhaha I think they find the children too much. We have a baby, toddler and an older dc.

The solution is to stop caring. Yes Christmas is a nice time but it isn’t a precious day where everyone has to fight about getting equal access to each other. Honestly, let your DH do what he likes with the children, if your parents want to see your children they can see them on Xmas eve, Xmas day evening or one of the other days surrounding Xmas. They can also FaceTime. If you want to see your parents then go see them. If you want to drink book a taxi. Or FaceTime them.

But above all else- stop all this unnecessary crap. It’s what ruins Christmas. You’re already stressing now 8 weeks ahead of the day! It’s insane.

Just don't see them Xmas day? We don't. We have a 3 year old DS and have said we do not leave the house on Xmas day, I hated being dragged around family as a kid and not being able to stay home with my toys. We see my parents Xmas eve and Dh's boxing day (some may call in to us on Xmas day evening for drinks and games) but Xmas for us is 'our family' People are more than welcome to join us for dinner or at any point in the day, but we don't go out.

If he does he certainly doesn't get to take the kids!

get to? Theyre his children, not OPs property to “allow”him to take them.

Stop dedicating so many week ends to them - road goes both ways imo...

Uhm...family Christmas! Personally, I would be saying to your DP to grow hell up! He now has a family of his own and you both need to tell your parents that they are welcome to join you on Christmas Day if they so choose, if they don't fine...get on and spend time building fun, bonding and set traditions with your own kids as parents and let the Grandparents do their thing...cut the apron string for goodness sake! You are allowed to have a day with your own family without wider considerations! ! I did this and after the first year, the GP's decided to get on board with every second year! X