Yes, ignore the hints. Some cf's will be surprised you didn't pick up on their hints. I used to tell them straight they should have said, I'm not a mind reader. They would then ask and I would say no unless I wanted to.
Some will try and guilt trip you - but I work long hours for example. Don't you get a lunch break? Don't you have access to the internet?
But little Johhny will miss out if j,p,r,t and s cannot come. Oh well, maybe next time and walk away. Don't reply. If they persist, say sternly I said no, stop asking you are embarrassing yourself.
The ones that want a lift that doesn't work for you. Tell them if you haven't got the local cab office number, Uber and Viavan can be easily downloaded. Have a look on your phone there's quite a few. Better still if anyone in your household has these, send the person your link and get some credit 😀 At least get a bit of petrol money back that way from all the years of driving them around.
Get him to do more @Garlicandherb. You might be surprised what else he will be happy to do.
This is NOT aimed at anyone just what I have realised over the years as I am a people watcher.
I think that sometimes we automatically slip into the 'traditional' role when we get into a partnership. Obviously there are exceptions. The female of the house just automatically turns into 'mum' and wants to care for her man. Some of the traditional 'manly' stuff she asks him to do. Like, mow the garden. Mistake number one is right there.
She shouldn't be asking him to do it. She asks him why he hasn't done whatever yet. He says the classic 'I didn't realise' Ask him how he couldn't realise, it's right there. Don't then do that job with that huffy thing. Leave it. Fuck it. You get that urge to want to do it, fight that urge. Find yourself something you like to do and do it to distract yourself. Perfect time to go gym or whatever without the children. He's there, they are his children as well, he can look after him, just don't thank him when you return. Does he do the same every time he walks through that door? haha not a chance. So why are YOU thanking him for being a parent 🤣
Or he asks what's for dinner when there's clearly none. I don't know, you tell me what's for dinner.
Do we have X? Why are you asking me? You have a look.
But instead, you don't. You get up and go and look at what is for dinner and do it all. You go searching for things. Why?
Once that starts then before you know it you are doing everything or nearly everything and he's sitting there like lord of the manor. Fed, clothes always washed, refreshments, presents the works are all done for him. Of course, he's not going to wake up one morning and see it for what it is, He's got it made. He's staying quiet to see how long he can get away with it. If I had someone who did all that for me, damn right I am going to. All I have to think about is well, me. Some will even say are you sure? They are testing the waters.
They sense a bit of trouble brewing in the horizon. So he will up his game a bit. And what happens, he gets thanked. Lord of the castle is getting thanked for washing up a cup. Awesome.
Some will realise they have been rumbled and tap themselves on the back for getting away with it so long and start doing their share. That's a keeper. He cares about you and knows you shouldn't be doing everything because it's not right.
The other type. Nah. They will go along with it to placate you. And slowly they stop doing it. Or they do it badly, like not wash up properly. Come on little kids can do this, why is an adult unable? He just needs to practice then. Or he doesn't do it to your standards, let your standards drop. These will always try to get out of everything they can, making it your problem. Send them to the shop, they mess it up. On their part, it's deliberate. It's annoying as fuck, let it go and laugh it off.
They don't want to do anything. Dinner, they make it your problem. It's a we problem, he needs to eat. These ones once you wake up and start to see the unfairness, you see other things. Some might be worth keeping because at least they are trying if you don't let them get away with things. But the other type, you notice there are other things, those are the ones that should be binned. They are in it for them. Yea they will love you, but love just aint enough.
Sorry for the essay. Hope it helps at least one person to realise you don't have to do it.
I'm not saying we should never do anything for other people. Of course, we should. It's what people do for kindness because they care for that person, there's mutual appreciation. Where is the mutual appreciation when you do things through obligation?
Like parties. My kid invites mates. He's happy. There is something in those friends he likes because of whatever, I may dislike them but that's on me. He appreciates them being there. Whatever happens after that happens. He shouldn't have to invite people who have invited him, because that feels like an obligation. Friends have their own friends as well. When mine got an invite back, awesome, if they didn't oh well, they know mates have their own mates. Just in the same way we do.