To think I don’t want to be with my dp because of this dream.

[Namechangeio]

Had a terrible nights sleep, hence being awake right now. My dp is lazy, rarely goes out of his way for others but expects the world in return. Favour upon favour but no gratitude as it’s expected and is only happy when things are being done for him or at his convenience.

Anyway just been woken up by his incredibly loud snoring, once again. But was woken from a dream where I had met a man in a pub and he was been very nice and loving towards me and we left the pub and I just had an overwhelming feelings of contentment and like this person actually cared about me.

I do love my partner but lately I’m just sick to death of him. I can’t remember the last time I felt content with him and think it is my cue to ask him to leave. Can’t be having another conversation with him about how he makes me feel, we don’t have sex at all can’t remember the last time we did and if I ever approach the subject he shys away and doesn’t even answer just starts talking about something else. Not wrong to want to feel desired once in blue moon is it?

Sincerely,

A very tired mum

Your first paragraph has enough reasons to end the relationship. You only get one life, don't waste it being unhappy with someone.

I get it and don't think you abu. I could not be with a man that is the way you decribe. I would simply be put off by it and not find it attractive (which seems to be the case for you as well..)

You dont have to settle. You could meet someone that had the qualities you seek. Please don't settle for a life (man) you don't wanna der yourself living. There are men out there who are not selfish and lazy - Trust yourself.

Sometimes you get a dream that helps you do just what you need to.

I remember when I had mine. I had been a teen runaway, and been to hell and back -- trafficked, pimped without even realizing it at first, passed from man to man. I'd escaped one bad situation only to end up moving in with a man who was a terrifying child groomer who wanted me to be the adult woman he'd start grooming younger girls with, in partnership. I was without marketable skills, and so young, and terrified.

I had a dream, one too personal and complicated to relate here, where I realized that what I needed to do was give myself space to make a decision that was weighing on my mind. I called back the abusive parents I had run away from and asked for a plane ticket home.

They were still bad people who did bad things to me, and I still had to move away from them again 6 months later, this time for good. But even their abuse was better than what I had landed with in that psychopathic man who literally wanted to found a sex cult, who had only taken me out of a hellish situation in order to create his own fresh hell with me.

It took that dream to make me call my family and eat humble pie and ask for that ticket home. I knew it wasn't a perfect option and it wasn't without consequences. But I needed to do it, and my unconscious mind told me what I needed to hear to get out of my situation.

Your situation is different, but your instincts are perfect here. Being cared about mutually by a partner is too vital a part of the human condition to go without. You deserve better.

He coughs possibly be having trouble with impotence or similar if avoiding sex. Have you spoken to him about doing his bit around the house or is it more ingrained than that? Could you try marital counselling first, if you’ve got kids? Or do you feel you’re never going to get that spark back whatever happens now?

No don't leave because of one dream. All relationships go through phases. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's ok and sometimes we need to work at it. If things were better would you want to be with him? If so then you need to start communicating and working together to fix it.

Dreams are sometime your unconscious' way of telling you what you are ignoring.
Obviously in this case - that you could have something better.

Mine often told me that I needed to revise for exams.

Don't just get out because of the dream but because the relationship isn't working.

I left a man of similar description, and met the man you met in the pub. Best thing I ever did. I feel like I'm actually living again. ❤️

Definitely end it!

Sometimes you know when a dream is an important dream. Obviously leaving solely because of a dream WBU but you have other reasons. I would however if it was me suggest relationship counselling as a last resort. Some men don't realise how bad a situation is or how close a woman is to leaving until the words 'If you won't go to relationship counselling and really try to save this, I'm leaving' are spoken.

@TooManyGlasses impotence wouldn't be an excuse for me the fact he's so lazy and selfish. Marriage counselling wouldn't fix that, would it?

OP I think that dream was your brain showing you what you already feel. If you're not happy, it's ok to leave.

He sounds like he doesn't want to change ask yourself ' can I see myself living happily ever after with this man ?' If the answer is no then time to end it. You sound so fed up , life is too short to be so unhappy.

@WombOfOnesOwn my god all of that sounds absolutely horrific , hope you are happy in life now.

Unfortunately OP my 2nd husband was exactly the same, never ever satisfied with anything and contributed nothing to my life.

Now he's gone my life is so much better.

It was me that snored though

Tell him straight you are sick to death of his shit and you want him to leave and wipe the smirk off his face.

Contentment is the most important feeling, if you are not content you are existing not living. Would you be happy to be in the same state as you are now in 5 years time ? If not do something about it today

I have a friend that lives abroad and she is in a bad marriage and she has this dream regularly. You have described it to a T. She calls it her 'cuddle dream' where she is being cuddled by someone that adores her and absolutely 'gets' her and then.....she wakes up.
I wondered if she is dreaming about her father but she says no it feels like a potential husband.

Use this as your springboard to get away OP. When you doubt, remember the warm fuzzy feeling the dream gave you but being single would be better than this.

YANBU.
Your dream is basically the expression of how much you miss the (emotional) intimacy and to be treated well.

Please remember this feeling of contentment. You don’t have to settle for anyone that makes you feel the way you described in your first paragraph.

I had a long cry this morning I hadn’t realised how unhappy I am as I have no allowed myself time to stop and breath, just been so busy sorting everyone else out I realised this morning no one does me favours, I have to sort my own shit out

How’s it going @Namechangeio?

I changed my life because of a tv programme. Long story short, terrible relationship with parents, DH came home one day and I was crying after watching a programme about an adoptive mother who was describing her wonderful daughter etc. etc.

It made me realise that my parents were never going to be like that mother. It set me free! DH didn’t believe that it would make a difference (he’d also been putting up with their shit towards me for 15 years) but it did! I got myself counselling, distanced myself and 15 years on, I’m happy with my life.

Hold on to that dream OP, you can change your life. Good luck.