To need advice

[Intcater]

Namechanged.

I've posted on here before about my son (19) and that he's a single dad to a little girl (aged 2) and her mum isn't involve. And about me being fed up with him because he was taking drugs or drinking. I got the advice to call ss. So I did so he could get some help from them etc.

They have spoken to him. He shouted at me that I shouldn't have told them as he was sorting himself out. And he's left and I think he's staying at his friends. He said when he finds his own place I won't see granddaughter again.

Granddaughter is very upset as she isn't seeing him much and when he leaves she cries.

Can I have some advice please? 😞

@Intcater I am so sorry that it has turned out this way. I remember your previous thread. I wish I had advice but I don't know what to offer. Just please hold that little girl a little tighter x

I think you did the only thing you could, how brave.
Your son needed a wake up call, he got it and he is now mad with you, this will wear off.
I imagine he needs you long term and his words where part of his anger.
Keep strong and keep a positive relationship with him.

He said he's saving and looking for his own place.

I don't know what to do as he said I won't see granddaughter etc.

So is your granddaughter with you now?

I think you'll have to ride this one out. When he realises how hard it is to raise a child he'll let you back in
Sometimes life is shit

Yes granddaughter is with me. Son told me he can look after her on his own and he doesn't need my help.

I'm not sure of the legalities but if I were you I'd be getting a good family lawyer and doing all I could to gain residency of the child.

You're the primary carer, he is doing stuff that makes him an unsuitable parent and the mother isn't interested.

Someone that gives a damn needs to step up for that child.

I think the most important thing here is to keep the little girl safe

Keep communicating with the social worker and I’d also get some legal advice.

You need to get custody of the child. She is used to you and needs stability in her life

Keep a close contact with social services. If your grandchild stays with you they willbe happier. If he takes her away there will be cause for concern particularly if he does not let you see her. I would guess he is only making this threat because he knows it hurts you. He will find it very difficult to find a place to mange on his own. You also need legal advice

Go back to childrens social services, ask their advice but my guess is he won't really want the responsibility of looking after a small child.

I will keep communicating with sw.

If I tried to get custody would they focus on where she would be happier? Because she would be happier with son as she is upset that she isn't seeing him much. And yesterday he took her out and when he brought her back she was updet that he left her. And today she's been grumpy with teething and she she keeps saying that she wants him.

They would look at where she is safer and where her needs are being met such as her social,emotional,physical etc if he cleans himself up in the long run that might well be with him but st the minute it sounds like she is safest with you. Just keep doing what you are doing to look after your granddaughter you did the right thing

I foster, social services look at the whole picture of safety and are the child's needs being met. She may well appear happy with him for now but if he is not able to keep her safe and meet her needs then that happiness will be short-lived.

Yes, what whitecat said.

Bugger, I just typed and lost a long reply.

In short keep communication open with DS and SS. Best outcome is likely to be a combination of his and your care for this child. Encourage him to see her if she is distressed but be clear you won’t enable his lifestyle choices and you must both prioritise her needs.

I doubt SS will be intervening if she is safe with you and if he were to be placing her at risk- hopefully not- they would look to you as their first option for her care.

I hope you can reach a place that’s good enough. Doesn’t have to be perfect but a starting point is that you both agree that she is your priority.

He sees her everyday after work or he takes her out when he's off.

I'll talk to sw again tomorrow.