Colleague with stress - AIBU not to know what to do?

[OneTwoFreddysComingForYou]

As the title says really. I have a colleague who was signed off long term (6 months) with stress. She has been back a while but still struggles to go a week without going off sick/wfh/leaving early.

We obviously want to support her until she’s back to being herself but my other colleague and I can’t agree on the best way. We have taken over most of her old duties between us but I still cc her in on most correspondence and keep her updated. However my colleague today told me that she has been getting overwhelmed with the number of emails to read etc so it made me think maybe I should just get on with it and fill her in if she asks?

I try and chat to her and include her in conversations but she doesn’t often seem keen on joining in.

Has anyone suffered with stress, and could I please have top tips on how to be a supportive rather than an arsehole colleague?

It sounds as though you're being extremely considerate already.

If they're back surely they should be looking at a phased return to their old responsibilities? You and your colleague can't do her job forever.

Has she been able to complete a workplace stress assessment? They're quite helpful in pinpointing what the worst stress triggers are - you can then work through them to agree ways to mitigate them. You don't say whether you're her manager, but if not, you could suggest she asks about this or speaks with Occ Health.

Without knowing more, I would agree with your colleague and work on a way to reduce the cc traffic to her inbox.

Perhaps set up a meeting with her where you set out each task / project and decide which ones she needs to keep abreast of and which ones you just need to move on without her - but update on request. That way she still is involved in deciding what she feels she can cope with?

Is she your colleague or are you her manager? If you’re equal levels surely it’s for your manager to help her with managing her workload and how work she can’t do is distributed among others. You’re being very kind but if there’s enough work for 3 ft members of staff you can’t absorb her role between you indefinitely. It’s not sustainable and one of you will end up struggling too.

Agree with the above, this isn’t your job to manage, its the managers. They need to give the direction.

The key is getting to the root of the stress.

I don't understand why you are doing her work for her? It is probably meant kindly but makes her feel totally incompetent/ not trusted. Work related stress is about lack of control, generally in my experience.

Thanks for all the replies.

I’m not her manager no. She has plenty of meetings with HR so I’m assuming all the necessary people know and there have been a few reasonable adjustments put in place eg permanent not hot desk. She’s sort of been given all the admin type bits out of mine and my other colleagues roles but she tends to draw things out and is making a lot of mistakes at the moment so she isn’t on any main projects. Other colleague and I have got into a fairly decent routine balancing everything so we don’t mind too much although we are building up a fair few hours but our managers have said they are more than happy for us to have a long Christmas break when things go quiet! So I’m content for now.

I know it’ll be our managers responsibility to sort things out properly eventually but in the mean time I suppose I just wanted some personal stories about behaviours that have helped others cope with stress in the workplace.

I've just been on a Mental Health awareness course. This is a tricky situation, since if you don't keep cc'ing her she might feel pushed out. Can you talk to her and ask what she'd find most helpful - being copied in, or maybe a 15 min chat every other day with what's been going on, or a summary email weekly? Obviously it's a short term solution, so you should also ask your manager how and when to move work across, and make sure it's all been agreed with your colleague too.

@Teateaandmoretea she can’t really cope with the main bulk of our work at the moment unfortunately. She’s dipped in and out but it’s ended up with things going tits up and her going awol.

You need to ask her manager really, tell them your observations and that you want to support your colleague but need to have some guidance on how to do that.

What do you do?

Another public sector thread...dear God

I've been off with stress and when I cam back I wanted to go back to normal, but wasn't ready to straight away, so some of my responsibilities were taken/ changed for good and some were given back gradually. It was still hard. I felt like people felt i couldn't cope when they helped, but if i was given my old workload i crumbled. Luckily I had techniques from counselling etc that I would use when feeling overwhelmed and that would help. It took time. I have to say, it was one of the hardest times in my life and one of the things that made it really hard was that the extreme stress and inability to cope with it made me push people away. Often when people offered help, I rejected it. It takes time and she will have to want to get better. Once back at work after something like this, I guess she's feeling, 'I'm able to carry out my duties, but go easy on me'.
You seem like a good colleague for her to have, because you're trying to understand and want to do what's best.

Going awol isn’t okay at all, what’s being done about that?

Another public sector thread...dear God

What does this mean?

Hmmm she sounds unwell to me and in need of a carefully phased return. Is her stress work related?

I hope she has sen a counsellor and has agreed with management how to manage her transition back to work.

You sound lovely, but you need direction from management on how to manage this.

I had a bad period of stress and was off for seven weeks. I went back on phased return but just wanted everyone to treat me like normal. Took a couple of months to get back up to my normal Work speed. And to be honest probably a year to feel totally like my old self.

Work were great - probably because they had overloaded me with 80 hour weeks, impossible deadlines and calls brought the night, every night. But it was my manager not my colleagues who negotiated my workload when I returned. I would have been annoyed if colleagues had been left with this responsibility.

If the email overload is exacerbating her stress but on the other hand being missed out of all correspondence makes her anxious, you could suggest (strongly!) that she sets up a mail folder and a rule that auto-files anything where she is CC'd. That way the cc'd emails won't show in her main inbox, but they will be in the folder if she wants to look at specific ones.

The best thing to do is ask the managers for clarification, I would say they need to have the conversation with her as she may be uncomfortable if you ask.

You're coming from a good place but this is entirely the wrong approach. You need to refer it to your manager & get direction from them.

I'd (and I'm a manager) be pretty concerned about you & other colleague picking up so much work on an airy promise of a 'nice long break' at Christmas.

Your colleague can either do the job, or not. Any reasonable adjustments have to be documented & reviewed by manager / HR to ensure she really can perform. Seek clarification from your manager; don't make plans re workload allocation with your colleague; keep fairly far away from any discussions with colleague about her health / needs in work - direct her to management too.

Earrings I agree, the manager needs to manage the situation.

Letting colleagues guess what support the stressed staff member needs or wants is not on. You absolutely should not have discussions with her about what she can cope with - her own manager and HR should be having those discussions with her, and if you need to change how you work as part of that support (eg handing back work on a phased basis), the manager should communicate this clearly.

What you can safely do, is raise the issue with your own manager, focusing on the impact on you and on the projects (eg you had to put in extra hours to correct or complete a task because she failed to do it after agreeing to take it on). Explain you want to support her, and ask for guidance. Preferably, in writing.

You and your colleague have a right to go back to your standard hours after all, before the extra work starts to impact on you, and it's reasonable to ask for a plan as to how this can be achieved, and over what timeframe. Bear in mind it's not an exact science, as phased returns sometimes have to be extended: I had a member of staff who'd been off for 4 months and agreed to come back but she wasn't actually ready to do so, and we had to extend the phased return nightmare .

Ask her.

Her work can’t be too stressful if you’re managing to do her job as well as your own? There must be something else going on.

This isn’t your problem. Manager should be handling this.