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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy these presents for children this christmas

68 replies

Riggging · 05/11/2019 16:33

I am so fed up of waste and buying presents for nieces and nephews they neither want or need (everything they want is way out of my price range) - aibu to adopt animals/ buy gifts connected to charities instead? They range from 6-18 years and plan is to buy family animal adoption packs or family 'bee saver' kits for the younger ones.

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 05/11/2019 18:27

Charity gifts are awful unless you know that the recipient would genuinely choose it. Ask if your own presents can be charity donations if you want, but don't choose a charity and then donate on behalf of someone else for their present. It just comes across badly in too many ways. For nieces and nephews, cash would be better.

reluctantbrit · 05/11/2019 18:37

DD will get an animal adoption this year but she asked for it. She is big on animals and did a whole Brownie badge on endangered animals. She already had an adoption for a birthday present before and now asked for a sloth.

But, I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t know the child would appreciate it. If in doubt give a voucher for cinemas, book token, favourite shop or cash.

Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 18:38

Unless it is something the child has specifically requested, or for a species they show a great interest in, then how is that a present for them?

I wouldn't. You'll be known as that weird aunty.

If things don't have to be a great surprise you could ask your siblings if they have any ideas of what their DC might like for the budget you have in mind.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 05/11/2019 18:41

Either own it and say 'sorry can't do presents this year' fill stop, or be upfront about donating to charity, or just send what you can afford and are comfortable wirh as cash in a card. Charity presents are the worst of all worlds and are shit for the recipient frankly.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 05/11/2019 18:47

Its passive aggressive either put money ina card or a voucher or dont bother.

converseandjeans · 05/11/2019 18:49

YABU as others have said vouchers in a card and perhaps some sweets or chocolate to add to it?
Something useful like PJs would also be good. I ask for that from my Aunty for my kids.
Teenagers might like costa vouchers or book vouchers.
Hamper of sweets would be good too.

Aragog · 05/11/2019 18:52

I don't like charity donations as gifts unless the person receiving them have specifically asked.

If YOU wish to donate to a charity then you should do so in your name, on your own behalf.

If the children involved ask you (not after your prompting) to do so, then fair enough.

Otherwise you could just send them a small gift - ask them for ideas perhaps? Our families all use Amazon gift lists as you can add items from other retailed on there - or perhaps a gift voucher, or cash. Or just decide not to buy.

Ragwort · 05/11/2019 18:53

Just give cash, vouchers are really tricky unless you are 100% sure that the recipient uses that shop/brand. My DS was kindly given many vouchers when he reached his teenage years but often they were shops he would never go into, or the shop was miles away, even Amazon vouchers are useless if you prefer not to use Amazon.

isadoradancing123 · 05/11/2019 18:53

Terrible idea, either put money in a card or forget giving presents

TheresWaldo · 05/11/2019 18:54

Absolutely not. Voucher or cash in a card is appropriate.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/11/2019 18:56

They can't all be in to this, or have a special favourite animal or whatever. If one of them has asked for a charity gift then fine but otherwise I'd have thought there were much better alternatives.

Or, if you don't want to buy for them any more then just say that

Gertie75 · 05/11/2019 18:57

My dd's are 4 & 6 and last year their Aunt sponsored a guide dog each, I love dogs so do appreciate the sentiment however dd's didn't grasp the concept and the youngest was really disappointed when she realised she was never going to get the actual dog.

They receive updates throughout the year from the charity but never show any interest in it

Drum2018 · 05/11/2019 18:58

Cinema voucher per family would be better. My kids ages 7-18 would not appreciate a charity gift. And I'm sure my nieces/nephews wouldn't either.

EC22 · 05/11/2019 18:59

That’s a gift for you not them.
I wouldn’t bother.

dreichwinter · 05/11/2019 19:00

My dc like animal adoption gifts that come with a soft toy, but they are into animals.
If they weren't this wouldn't work.

Chocolateandamaretto · 05/11/2019 19:02

My mum doesn’t like to buy the kids stuff but always gets some sort of experience - trip to the theatre, my son had a day out with Thomas the tank engine, afternoon tea for the older ones...it’s great and she comes along with us and treats them to all the extras we couldn’t on a day out so it’s a really special day. She has also previously paid for swimming lessons or gymnastics classes instead of a present.
I think that is better than a charity gift as the children really get something out of it and I don’t know that the kids would really grasp the concept of adopting animals, for example.
The one exception would be if one of them has asked for it - I would’ve loved this at late primary/early secondary age!

Witchinaditch · 05/11/2019 19:31

£10 in a card.

Jollitwiglet · 05/11/2019 19:38

I wouldn't unless it is something they would specifically be interested in.

For example one year someone 'adopted' a crocodile for me and I was absolutely thrilled because most people that know me, know that I am crocodile mad and visit a crocodile zoo as often as I can. But if someone adopted me like a random goat or something or donated to a random charity as my present, I would think that it was a half arsed gift for themselves. I would rather receive nothing than someone donating to charity on my behalf

NerrSnerr · 05/11/2019 19:40

Put money in a card and they can donate to charity if they wish.

Newschapter · 05/11/2019 19:42

My nephew keeps chickens.

Last year I gave him a similar gift.

In his name we bought chickens for an African family which meant they could have eggs and sell them for income.

He was over the moon with the gift and said he liked to think the little African boy was feeding his hens when he fed his.

Yes, I know this may or may not happen but it wasn't expensive and it made an eight year old feel good!

DurhamDurham · 05/11/2019 19:54

I think charity gifts are a bad idea unless they've been asked for. They only serve to make the sender of the gift seem a bit smug. I work for a charity and I'd be so disappointed to receive a charity gift, I can only imagine how disappointed my nieces and nephews would be.

LannisterLion1 · 05/11/2019 21:19

Unless requested charity gifts are sbout making the giver feel good and what they want, not the recipient.

Give them money, they can donate if they choose too.

BadLad · 05/11/2019 22:47

I used to think unrequested charity goats were the shittest presents ever.

Then I read one of those only-on-mumsnet posts. Someone said she entered people into half-marathons as their present.

Goats are still very shit though.

Notajogger · 05/11/2019 23:12

Crikey people seem to have a low opinion of their kids! I'd have loved bees/animal adoption as a gift when i was young (I adopted an animal myself with Saturday job money).

Dieu · 05/11/2019 23:18

My 10 year old daughter would love one that came with a cuddly toy animal Blush as she's a big fan of soft toys. She would also love to receive updates on the animal.
I don't think my older two would be as impressed.
How about paying for a family experience for them all to enjoy?