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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being bullied, or paranoid?

10 replies

Badgerwood · 05/11/2019 16:03

Just need another pair of eyes on this as not sure what to do.

I started a new role about 6 months ago at a small org, I really like my job, and initially got on really well with my team and the wider team.

However, recently things have taken a strange turn. There is one person in particular who seems to have an issue with me, so for example a minor thing I did to annoy this person has been blown up. The issue is that once this person is annoyed with me, the whole team is, including my line manager. I've literally directed friendly questions the three of them and been ignored, they refuse to make eye contact etc. Lots of small things like that and it sounds pathetic but it's making me really unhappy and stressed. The way we are set up is that I spend 80% of my day just with my direct team.

There is a suspected relationship between the line manager and my colleague, and another minor team member is particularly close to this colleague too. The colleague is also older than me, in a lower position, and has been there longer. I think this is the crux of the issue with me. Anytime I have been given a bit of extra responsibility or credit the treatment I get seems to get worse. I also think they think I told my line managers boss about something he did wrong. I did tell the boss what had happened after being directly asked, as they needed to know prior to the repercussions and they were definitely going to find out from external sources, frankly what he did was so ridiculous and unprofessional it'd be a cheek to blame me. I have another colleague who is lovely and not part of any of this.

My line manager also undermines or criticises me in front of this colleague, and they all travel in together and have lunch together somewhere separate. It's making me very paranoid that they bitch about me.

What I can't work out is, is this bullying or is this just them not liking me? Obviously this is a workplace not a friendship so I don't know where the line is really. Nothing horrible has been directly done or said to me, but it's making it very hard to do my job and making me want to leave.

When I first started there was another member of staff who was very isolated and quit soon after a row with the same person. I wish I had got to know him better to find out what happened there but can't contact him now.

OP posts:
Bluddyhateful · 05/11/2019 16:07

It does sound like it could be bullying as it seems to be directed at you as an individual. Does your organisation have a bullying policy? That might contain a definition you can work with. Or you could contact acas, who have a good one.

Is it a small organisation or a large one? If it’s a large one then you could go through HR and ask to spend time with a different team/ move to a different role.

Bluddyhateful · 05/11/2019 16:11

Oh sorry - just seen it’s a small org. I run a small org and we recently had a bullying issue here. We did a full investigation and ended up getting rid of 3 staff members (big impact on a small team). As the person in charge I’m glad it was brought to my attention (I work in a different office) and I tried to support everyone through the whole process. But it has been very hard on the person/ people affected and I don’t know if I would have had the same amount of courage and strength as them, if I was in their situation. We’re very lucky they didn’t leave.

Who is at the top of the chain and will they support you? My advice is - start logging everything now, keep records of everything, including your own performance.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/11/2019 16:14

I went through this many years ago. The Knitting Clique (as the sales team called them) made my life an absolute misery, culminating in deliberately not giving me some information meaning I didn't complete a 'vital' task and getting the sack.

I was young, I didn't leave quietly!

Start looking for another job in a less muddled organisation. This sort of thing just doesn't go away, they just chunter on and on. Your replacement will feel the same!

mclover · 05/11/2019 16:14

Ignoring you and refusing eye contact is definitely bullying

Isithometimeyet0987 · 05/11/2019 16:27

I as a boss would like to think my employees would bring a matter like this to my attention, my business does have a bullying policy and we have been very strict on it, luckily I’ve only ever had to deal with one incident like this and the person did end up getting fired. I think you should at least make a manager who’s not involved aware of the situation at least then if it gets worse there’s another person who not involved who knows what’s been happening.

Badgerwood · 05/11/2019 16:39

Thanks all, that really helps. I'm not sure if we have a bullying policy so shall check that.

The person at the top of the chain is very intelligent and has integrity as far as I can tell, so I think would absolutely be supportive. However, short of removing several people from posts (which wouldnt happen and I absolutely would not want to be responsible for!) I can only see reporting this making it worse. I think there is also tension between my manager and the boss so this could all go very badly.

There is another manager, and I do trust this person. I wonder if I could ask to speak to them for advice, but confidentially? As in - not having it reported to the boss or any complaint to go to my own manager. Would they be able to do that or does it put them in a tricky spot? What makes it harder also is that so many people have worked there for a long time, I'm only just starting to understand some of the dynamics. I'm the new one still and it's easier to lose me!

I really don't want to be forced to leave, out of spite as much as anything! When the previous person left it worked really well for the problematic colleague, and I know there is an aspect of my job which is coveted by this person and would go their way if I left. That might be part of the reasoning behind it all.

OP posts:
Badgerwood · 05/11/2019 16:41

Sorry that happened to you, Curious. Glad you didn't leave quietly!

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/11/2019 16:58

Smile Weird what sticks with you. I am 54 now, was 19 then. The injustice of it still rankles!

Do talk to anyone further up the food chain. If the best outcome is you look for another job then you may be able to broker a good reference, time off for interviews, and/or gardening leave instead of notice.

That is what I would tell my 19 year old self - though the loud, tell it like it really is, flounce was satisfying at the time Grin

BumbleBeee69 · 05/11/2019 17:02

definitely bullying OP. Flowers

Badgerwood · 05/11/2019 18:59

I don't half fancy a flounce... but 'll take the excellent advice on this thread a record/talk if possible

OP posts:
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