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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To miss a bad relationship?

2 replies

zara31664 · 05/11/2019 11:17

NC because I feel stupid to admit this.

I’m in a nice relationship now, but at the start of last year I was with someone who wasn’t great to me. I think the problem was that I had kind of idolised him for 2 years because (it appeared) that everyone loved him, he was the life of the party, etc and I thought he was totally unattainable. Turns out he wasn’t and we started a relationship in January. By May he had gotten me pregnant (lied about fertility problems, I was stupid to believe him but you trust the people you love), and had backed me into a corner where I felt like I had no choice but to have an abortion. I stayed with him anyway and a month later he cheated on me.

I feel so stupid because every so often I find myself missing him so much? even though he really fucked over my life for some time and I still feel horrendous about the abortion etc. I just don’t know how to get over it, I’m in a nice relationship now and my life is completely different to last year, I live hours away from him now etc, but I still feel sad about it?

OP posts:
Damntheman · 05/11/2019 11:28

I suspect what you're missing is the potential and not the actual relationship. At the start of it you had such high hopes which he totally shat on. You miss those hopes and the relationship that you wished it had been. It's not unreasonable to feel that way, but you do need to look into acceptance and moving on before it affects your current relationship.

Puffins32 · 06/11/2019 10:02

@Damntheman is right

When you got with this person you built him up in your mind. You imagined what your future could look like, how you would feel, how he would treat you. You miss that. You are disappointed and hurt.
He’s not a nice person and you deserve far better. He will never be the guy you thought he was. At the start of your relationship when it was all rose tinted glasses and butterflies, you would never imagine going through the shit you went through, but it happened and you are free of that now...be grateful it’s over, you have the freedom to be with someone amazing and safe.

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