MIL and kids dad

[nobodyreallycares]

A few years ago I stopped contact with myself and my 2 children with MIL and there dads family. At the time I only had DD my DS came 12 months later. DDs dad would take her out occasionally on his own. A lot on here will say I was out of order doing this it was down to various reasons but definitely the best decision at the time. Don't want to go into too much why but just imagine controlling and interfering on a wide scale, including having her son do a DNA test on DD because she had red hair, I ended our relationship because I couldn't take the way she was. It was like she was the one in a relationship with him as strange as that sounds. There was a lot of stuff not just that but don't want to go back into it. After 18 months I allowed her back into mine and my children's lives as long as all the shit she was causing before stopped!

This is the problem right here... Saturday we take the kids to a play centre he invites MIL along and she says, I remember coming here with XYZ (partner and my DD) I have a picture on my phone look she then whips her phone out to show me this photo and straight away the penny drops, the times he was taking her out he was taking her to his moms. Now we patched things up almost 2 years ago but this has never been mentioned, my DD was far to young to talk at this time. I feel really really annoyed, not so much the fact he did that because we are now on speaking terms more so the fact she has made me feel bad and guilty she had no contact for 18 months to find out she actually did!
Do you think it's the past and it should be left there or do I confront my children's dad and ask why he went behind my back after the shit she caused.

Oh she was probably waiting for such a perfect time to rub your nose in it.

dont do anything just yet

He is probably waiting for you to say something and will already have a response. Dont play her game. You now know you cant trust either of them, she shown her cards. (and his!)

Distance yourself from her, dont let her close enough to get under your skin. She doesnt need to be part of your world. she shot herself in the foot, you dont need a big argument over it. she will lose out

MIL may not have known it was a secret that she was seeing your children. Arrangements like that are often accompanied by vague, forgettable statements and months later people don't remember precisely what was said. Give her the benefit of the doubt, she'd have no reason to cause trouble except for the sake of it and the fact that you have her grandchildren would cause her to be careful.

Just leave it op, glad things are improving.

He is probably waiting for you to say something and will already have a response. Dont play her game. You now know you cant trust either of them, she shown her cards. (and his!)

You are assuming mil is playing a game! She has regular contact with the child now,...she doesn't have to play games!
MIL probably didn't even think when she showed that picture.
You forget she is the child's grandmother. Grandchildren have a right to know their grandparents even if the adults are stupid enough to have fall outs!
I couldn't stand my mil. She never accepted me and could be quite horrible but after I split with her son when they were still very young, I made sure my children saw her regularly because she loved them and they loved her.

Are you sure she didn't just say it in error i.e. completely forgetting that the photo had been taken when she wasn't meant to be there.

If that is the case and things are good now, is there any point in ruining it all again. And if that was the case then your partner was at fault also as he obviously agreed to let her see the kids.

Sorry at this time we were separated for quite some time because of her but we are now back together yes, I should of put that in OP

Did your ex/partner tell you who you could and couldn't see when you were looking after your children. Would you have followed his instructions if he did? Were your children at risk because their nan tagged along to the play centre? They are his children too - not just yours. Sounds like you use access to them as a weapon to me.

They are his children too - not just yours. Sounds like you use access to them as a weapon to me

I agree.
Your child is his child too and I doubt he would have let his mother have contact if there was any chance of harm.
I know some mils can be horrible, as can some dils. Just because you don't get on is no reason a child should miss out on a relationship with someone who loves them.