Christmas, compromise?

[Carcow]

Hi, I'd like some people's advice as I think my partner is being unfair or maybe I'm over reacting.
In a nutshell we have a toddler together, he has 3 teenagers from past relationship. We take his children every second year for Christmas. They are fine but they don't help out much so we end up doing everything for them, they just take and give nothing back and show very little interest in me . Anyway I put up with it for my partners sake. But I don't get to see my family so I said I'd like to spend the alternating Christmas with my family. ( Just Christmas dinner) He has refused saying he just wants it to be us and isn't willing to spend the time with my family. I'd welcome any advice , am I expecting too much from him?

Nope - tell him you are going to your family for Xmas dinner, he’s welcome to join you or stay home.

Those are his options.

No need to drag his kids into it, his choice

Not expecting too much at all, if you spend one Christmas with his children and the next with your family.
Maybe you could agree to have a Christmas just the two of you this year, then you go to your parents next year leaving him to deal with his children.

I don't think it's too much to ask for at all.

I'd be asking him to think of ways to involve the step kids more and I'd be sitting him down for a chat to understand why he's against the idea of Christmas with your family. If every other is too much to commit to, why not a one off?

So you currently spend every year at home, but every second year you have your stepkids, the other year it's you, DH and toddler (just you 3).

Have I got that right?

Can you have your family over on the christmas you don't have the stepkids? Or do you mean he is refusing to have them over? Or you want to go to theirs for dinner.

He’s being super selfish.

So put the question to him, ‘when do I get to have Christmas with my family’?
I agree with suggestion that on the years you don’t have his DC, you invite your family over.

You take his children? Surely they are part of your family? Not strangers who need taking in at Christmas. They sound like typical teens.

Why not invite your family over as well? That would work?

No. I would go to Christmas dinner at my family's place and take toddler with me. Just say 'see you later' on he way out and let him do whatever he wants. What a selfish sod.

How would he feel if you decided not to spend alternate Christmases with his 3 teenagers?

So is he facilitating either of these alternating celebrations? Does he source all the kids gifts, buy all the food in, wrap the presents, decorate the house, and cook the meal? If the answer is no, then tell him to piss off and enjoy his beans on toast Christmas Dinner whilst you go to your family.

Why would you question if you are being unreasonable? You are not being unreasonable, you want to see your family for dinner on Christmas Day on alternate years, how on earth could that be unreasonable?

Clearly his mentality is "me,me,me" and you let him away with it by pandering; Your family don't stop being your family just because you have a husband/partner now and it is important to maintain good family ties etc, do not become isolated/alienated.

If you genuinely want advice, my advice is GO SEE YOUR FAMILY, if he doesn't like it let him sulk elsewhere!

No, alternate years IS the compromise. Otherwise he is having it his way every single time.

I don't especially relish Christmas at my in-laws but I go with a smile because they are DH's family and my kids' grandparents. I expect that's the case for most people. If he can't suck it up for one day then he'll be spending the day on his own, won't he?

I agree with @limpshade

That’s so ridiculously selfish!!! Most people don’t want to spend Xmas with their in laws but they do it out of love for their partner. So I would take this as a huge slight! You’re willing to spend time with his kids but he can’t give you the same courtesy with your family. Who are these selfish people out there that think these sorts of statements are ok? Honestly it’s ridiculous.