To be upset by the lack of praise?

[strawbebbies]

I know I am being childish and ungrateful really but I want to get this off my chest and get other people's views.

My cousin and I were both brought up by my aunt. Neither of us are her biological children, my cousin is her step daughter, but she brought us both up since we were tiny and has been the only constant maternal figure in either of our lives.

We both had pretty difficult teenage years and both became young mums and have kids of a similar age (I have 4 kids 5,4 and 18m twins and she has 2 aged 5 and 2)
We're both now single parents.

My aunt is great grandma and really involved with all the kids.
She is is an amazing woman who took me in as a baby when she was a single mum herself, raised my two step-cousins and I as her own and put up with both our teenage bullshit while also looking after two teenagers with special needs.
I am eternally grateful for all that's she done for me and I love her to bits which is why know I'd need to be a complete selfish brat to complain to her about this but..

She constantly complements my cousin's parenting. I can't see here for ten minutes without hearing about what a great job she's doing and how proud my aunt is of her and what a hard time she has of it.

I do think my cousin deserves this praise. She is doing a great job, her kids are brilliant and she's really stepped up to the challenge and turned her life around and she should be proud of that.

I never get a compliment off of her. I didn't use to mind this much as much as I know I probably did have it easier than my cousin

However, my partner passed away last year and since then it's really got to me a lot more.
Even when my partner had just died, and I was grieving and trying to learn how to deal with 4 kids on my own, I didn't get one word of praise off of her.
Just 'you're dealing with this really well. I'm so proud of you' would have meant the world to me then.

I feel like I don't enjoy spending time with my aunt anymore as I just leave feeling upset and insecure and I don't understand what more I could be doing to be worth praising

I don't want this to ruin our relationship but I don't know how to deal with this feeling either.

Perhaps she compliments you behind your back ?

Can't you just tell her how you feel?

Does she compliment your cousin to her face or just talk nicely about her to you? Are you sure she’s not praising you when she talks about you to others as well?

I should say she does occasionally compliment me about other things just never my parenting.

She talks more about my cousin than to her but she does directly give her praise pretty regularly.
I do try and remind myself that maybe she does praise me to other people but it would be nice to actually hear it myself.

I feel like it would be bratty to complain that she doesn't compliment my parenting enough when she's done so much for me and she is supportive in other ways

Why don't you tell her just that? There's a lot to be said for being honest and direct in relationships.

I don’t think my mother has ever complimented my parenting. We’re very fond of each other, but I think she thinks I’m ridiculously child-centric because I consult my seven year old on decisions that affect him, answer his questions as honestly as I can, and don’t share her preference for the shy, silent child who replies to adults only with a whispered ‘I don’t mind’. At the same time she thinks I’m far too strict on junk food, him helping with household chores (‘He’s a boy!’) and bed times.

Your aunt may just have the parenting ideas of her generation?