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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this?

41 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 04/11/2019 20:35

Sending a text with just 'ok' on it is passive aggressive?
Had to let a friend down and that's what I got back.

OP posts:
Redspider1 · 04/11/2019 20:35

Standard reply

Winterdaysarehere · 04/11/2019 20:37

Depends why you cancelled.
Is it regularly?

MyNewBearTotoro · 04/11/2019 20:38

What are their messages usually like? I have friends who send short texts and a reply of just ok would seem okay from them, but I have other friends who usually send longer messages and it might seem a bit off from them. It’s not passive aggressive in itself but only you know your friend and the tone they were likely to be trying to put across.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 20:38

It depends. From my dad, normal. From my sister, she’s annoyed.

Why did you cancel?

TrixieFranklin · 04/11/2019 20:38

Yeah they're pissed off. Ok isn't always pissy but if you've let them down..

Spied · 04/11/2019 20:40

Yanbu.
A quick conversation about the reason you had to cancel would be the norm unless they were pissed off.

AnxiousandExcited · 04/11/2019 20:43

Actually, it depends so much on the person and the situation.
What if she is busy and can't send a proper text but wants to just let you know she received your message and understands?
but it also could mean a lot, so as I said, it depends.

7salmonswimming · 04/11/2019 20:43

Do you know what passive aggressive means?

That reply to being let down is disappointed and/or pissed off. Totally acceptable.

kimlo · 04/11/2019 20:47

if I sent that to dp, thats normal, to my friend I'm annoyed.

Actually if I'm annoyed theres no kiss Blush.

ISmellBabies · 04/11/2019 20:47

You've got a bit of a cheek complaining about their perfectly reasonable reply when you've just let them down. Self absorbed much?

CareBear50 · 04/11/2019 20:51

You've got a bit of a cheek complaining about their perfectly reasonable reply when you've just let them down. Self absorbed much?***

Well surely it depends on why OP had to let her friend down??? And OP hasn't said. It would be useful if they'd given the reason.. ...

Cheeserton · 04/11/2019 20:56

'Passive aggressive' indeed... FFS. You mean they're annoyed at being let down? Yes, possibly that. Speak English.

Stuckinanutshell · 04/11/2019 20:56

Depends on how they usually message you. My dad ALWAYS replies with one word. His friend died and I wrote a long text about how sorry I was. His reply: ‘ok’. My mother however will write little essays with a ton of emojis. If she replied with ‘ok’ I’d think ‘oh fuck’

She could also have been very busy and fired off a quick reply.

IF it was passive aggressive the key is to not let her realise it’s worked. Take it at face value - it’s ok. Great! What a relief!

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 04/11/2019 20:57

I forgot to get back to them on something important several times and let them down for tomorrows coffee meet up as forgot I had a work meeting. I am just really busy right now, its nothing personal. Can see why she is annoyed but it was a simple oversight

OP posts:
Redspider1 · 04/11/2019 21:00

I’d be happy with ok if I was you.

Ponoka7 · 04/11/2019 21:00

You've let her down so take the snippy reply and move on.

MuchBetterNow · 04/11/2019 21:05

She's not being "passive aggressive", she's justifiably irritated by the fact you've pissed her about. Most people are busy but they still manage to at least give decent notice they can't make an engagement. Are you one of those people who think their time is more precious than everyone else?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/11/2019 21:14

I forgot to get back to them on something important several times and let them down for tomorrows coffee meet up as forgot I had a work meeting. I am just really busy right now, its nothing personal. Can see why she is annoyed but it was a simple oversight

In those circumstances, I'd say 'OK' was a very polite reply.

BuildBuildings · 04/11/2019 21:15

You sound like you think your Rome is more important than your friends. It is possibly a pissy reply but we'll deserved tbh!

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 04/11/2019 21:21

Of course I don't, it was a genuine oversight

OP posts:
Betty777 · 04/11/2019 21:23

I say 'ok' when I'm a bit pissed off, but can't be arsed discussing it. It doesn't mean I am necessarily being intentionally passive aggressive.

If you want to have the conversation it would possibly go 'I know you are annoyed at me for cancelling'. reply: 'Yes, I am somewhat. Not a huge deal. Ok?'

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/11/2019 21:26

You’ve been very rude. You’re lucky that’s all she said.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/11/2019 21:27

Yeah I think she’s justified in being pissed off. That’s not passive aggressive. She’s acknowledged your message but doesn’t want to get in to a conversation about it because she’s (rightly) annoyed.

WhiskeyLullaby · 04/11/2019 21:28

Why do you need to know if it's passive aggressive? So you can shift the blame for your shit time keeping skills and lack of organisation onto your friend?

You don't seem at all worried she might be annoyed, but rather miffed that she might not be completely understanding about how "busy" you are.

LucileDuplessis · 04/11/2019 21:29

Not passive aggressive but maybe a bit weary / resigned

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