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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me write this text?

9 replies

Pennywise2019 · 04/11/2019 13:57

So short story is I was seeing this guys for just over a year. I probably wasn’t in a great place to have a relationship as I was still reeling from the breakup of a long term one. However despite that he wasn’t great himself at times. I think maybe it was a case of wrong time wrong place and just being incompatible. He broke up with me in the summer and it was really knocked me hard. I found it very difficult.

8 weeks later he got back in touch wanting to be friends and I thought maybe I should give it a go. I was having counselling and my counsellor advised not making rash decisions. It’s been about 5 weeks and in all honesty I still feel aggrieved and hurt about things he did and I’m just not sure I want to be friends with him at all. I oscilate from feeling fine and enjoying the friendship to feeling angry or upset when I remember certain things. Neither of us had a proper conversation after he got back in touch about what happened and so it’s hard for me to just brush everything under the carpet. He messages a lot every few days.

Would I be unreasonable to send him a message and how do I word it? I don’t want him to think I’m pining over him!

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 04/11/2019 14:02

You need to stop contact with him completely. You are very unlikely to be friends with him after the relationship you describe.

A short text saying that this isn’t working for you is enough. Then block. If you start listing grievances he will get on the defensive and attack you. He will then probably sever the ‘friendship ‘ and decide you were still in love with him.

Walk away.

MadnessInMethod · 04/11/2019 14:11

Hi X, being friends with you isn't working for me. What does work for me is to have no contact with you. I wish you all the best for the future. Please don't get in touch with me again.

Sparklybanana · 04/11/2019 14:12

Doesn't sound like the beginnings of a wonderful relationship tbh. If you really feel the need, I'd say that I wasn't interested in resuming a relationship and don't contact you again. Then block. It's not worth it. Find someone who doesn't make you feel angry!

Laiste · 04/11/2019 14:13

YWNBU to send a message but i'm not sure exactly from your OP what you want to tell him. Sorry if i'm being dim :)

Laiste · 04/11/2019 14:15

Oh wait - ''I still feel aggrieved and hurt about things he did and I’m just not sure I want to be friends with him at all''.

That sums it up! Maybe with a 'so i wish you well but i'm blocking your number now' at the end.

mummmy2017 · 04/11/2019 14:19

How about this.
Dear X.
I know you want to be friends, but there are so many unanswered questions, that keep running through my head.
I feel either we need to really sit and chat, then decide how we move on from this.

Bluntness100 · 04/11/2019 14:21

You've not really explained what he did. Personally if you're not up for it, I'd just be slower and slower to respond. And briefer and briefer when you do. You don't have to be his friend, you don't have to respond. You can just be "busy".

Neome · 04/11/2019 14:24

Hi all, I'll be out if contact for a couple of weeks or so while I'm working on something. Don't worry if messages bounce back or go unanswered.

Then block.

Beautiful3 · 04/11/2019 14:39

I honestly dont think that you should be friends.

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