AIBU not to invite certain family members

[Wattagoose90]

We had a Christening for our DS yesterday. My DH family is complicated (whose isn't).

Everything went well, it wasn't a particularly extravagant do, just a buffet in the centre behind the church after the service.

We chose not to invite DHs uncle/auntie/cousins who haven't made an effort with DS (5 months), and when I say made an effort, I mean no visit, no calls, no texts, no Facebook comments, they literally haven't ever acknowledged his existence, nor do they bother with DH or I. Also they're locally based, not miles away.

After the Christening, DHs auntie (who has made an effort and is very lovely) posted a comment on facebook saying what a lovely day she'd had. DHs uncle posted a reply to say "Didn't even get an invite!!"

Yesterday I laughed this off and thought "cheeky so and so, only after a bit of free food" (when we got married, this uncle brought his family, none of them acknowledged me the entire day, they bolted from the wedding the moment they'd had their 3 courses without the courtesy to thank us or tell us they were leaving. We only knew they left because we'd gone outside to take a photo and they made us get off the driveway so they could make their speedy exit).

I've not replied because I don't want to cause unnecessary arguments but I've been stewing on it and I'm finding it hard not to passive aggressively thank his auntie for being so good to us and our DS.

Anyway, AIBU to have not invited him/them and to think that being family shouldn't result in an automatic invite to similar gatherings if you can't be bothered to pretend to care anyway? Should we have just invited them as a courtesy?

You can invite who you want and you don’t have to justify it. Ignore the FB comment and don’t retaliate.

I think you were right to not invite them.

I'd just ignore them from now on.

Yanbu at all to not invite them. They have form.

I'd be tempted to comment too, but in all reality, it's just best to ignore. Makes for a more contented life.

No you did the right thing. My rule is if they dont make any effort with my kids then that's the treatment I give them!! How can they expect an invite to a christening when the dont even acknowledge your baby? Definitely after the free good! Haha

A cousin moved next door to me and was upset that we weren't sociable. They're twenty years older than me, I didn't know them growing up and, ultimately, one mutual set of grandparents does not a relationship make.

So, no, YANBU. Invite those you care about.

Unfortunately, I would be unable to take the high road and ignore that message. I'd be tempted to reply "who are you?"

YANBU to not invite them, but don't make a passive aggressive comment on FB. If you don't want to invite them that's fine, but now you need to stand by your decision and not feel the need to justify it. Don't give them it more headspace.

It’s up to you who to invite but just think how your DS will feel if he is the one excluded from parties at school and doesn’t know why. Perhaps they aren’t interested in other people’s children (which is quite normal and ok), or perhaps they thought you would contact them to arrange a meeting once the baby was a few months old or so. 🤷🏻‍♀️

No you are not BU. It’s odd that he would want an invite given he’s not shown any interest in your baby. Don’t give it another moments thought OP.

I'd hazard a guess and say they're really not bothered they weren't invited - they just want to cause trouble! They haven't made any effort why would you invite them. Don't let them get to you, you did the right thing.

Ignore the remark from your dh's uncle and write something along the lines of 'It was a lovely day. Thank you for attending (ds's name) Christening and we're so glad you enjoyed it' to acknowledge his auntie's comment.

'Awwww sorry Uncle, had no idea you'd be interested in coming! Haven't even heard from you since before DS's birth so didn't want to make you do a duty visit! How are things, by the way? We're great, let us know if you'd like to know all about DS as of course you haven't been in touch for so long. Or were you just after a bit of free cake lol!! Only joking :) '

Obviously don't, though. Haha.

Thanks everyone, I'll take your advice and stop myself from rising to it.

Although @fizzygreenwater that is actually exactly what I'd love to say haha!!

@onlineshopping I see where you're coming from, we weren't singling this one person out, there were a few people we didn't include. We had given them the opportunity to meet DS when he was a few weeks old, we let everyone know we were planning to go to DHs grandmother's house at x date and time if they'd like to see him, but again, they didn't acknowledge that either.

@FizzyGreenWater that's exactly what I'd want to do too....

@OnlineShopping Wtf!

Whether or not the sender has an interest in 'other people's children', it's customary to either call, email, or send a card on the birth of a baby and more especially when the baby is a new family member.

Why would the OP go out of her way to arrange a meeting with a relative who hasn't bothered to acknowledge the birth of her child?

As for your speculation as to how her ds will feel if he's not invited to schoolmates parties and doesn't know why, I'm sure the OP will deal with it if/when the time comes.

YANBU at all

but if you , rightly, can't be bothered to see them and invite them, why are you bothered about what they say or think? Just ignore.

if they completely blanked you and couldn't at least send a congratulation message, they are clearly not interested. Their loss!

but just think how your DS will feel if he is the one excluded from parties at school and doesn’t know why.

what on earth has this got anything to do with anything??!

Well done!
Start as you mean to go on.
I have 3 rude aunts and I don't invite them to my family events.
One Aunt in particuliar seems to think that no matter how badly behaved she is that we still have to invite her. My cousin do, we don't.
It gives me great pleasure not to!

but just think how your DS will feel if he is the one excluded from parties at school and doesn’t know why

I don't know what onlineshopping is on but I do know that I don't want any.

It’s up to you who to invite but just think how your DS will feel if he is the one excluded from parties at school and doesn’t know why. Perhaps they aren’t interested in other people’s children (which is quite normal and ok), or perhaps they thought you would contact them to arrange a meeting once the baby was a few months old or so

Children get excluded from lots of things when it comes to parties. A parent just explains if it gets mentioned and move on.

They might not be interested in children, but they don't seem interested in anyone.

Ok, they may have been waiting an invitation. Could have still sent a text asking how any of them are in the meantime.

Ignore his comment, and just reply to the aunt it was lovely to see you again x

When you hold a party it is your choice who you invite. People tend to choose based on the people they are closest to, well unless you are the type who doesn't want to upset anyone.
Even if was just one relative you didn't invite, the reasons are irrelevant.

Ha! Serves him right! Don't feel in the slightest bit guilty - he sounds very rude! So he's on Facebook & can (snarkily) comment on the other person's post but not send you so much as a 'congratulations' message on the birth of your child? Nope. He can jog on.