Ok so I know its early but the thought of what me and DP will be doing over Christmas is already stressing me out!
In short I have 2 children from a previous relationship and 1 with DP. Last year he chose to spend Christmas away from me and the children to spend it with his extended family. Yes, he chose to spend the day with his parents, nephews and sister and rather than me, my older children and our DD. This resulted in me literally crying all of christmas day at my parents house when the kids weren't looking. He is aware of this. He believes that Christmas with his parents is important because they are getting older (they're not even 60 yet). Had I gone to his extended family my parents would have been alone. They have no other family in this country. My children from ex partner go to his on boxing day as well so Christmas day itself is massive to me because it's the only day we can have with the 5 of us together and the only day they would see their grandparents over Christmas (my parents). We have spent all other family holidays with DPs family as well as visiting every week. We are even going on holiday with them this year for a week. Normally he will decide with his extended family what he is doing and then discuss with me when decisions have already been made or worse make the decision with them in front of me when I feel I cant speak up or have an opinion. I have obviously raised this as a huge issue in the past. I raised christmas last night and he has said we will figure it out this week. I know that means he will discuss plans with his sister and get back to me afterwards.
Either way I have already decided I will be spending Christmas with my parents and my children and trying to make the most of it and not allow myself to get upset like last year. but is it normal for DP to not want to spend it with us? I was beyond devastated last year and know I will be this year too. Probably wanting not to visit his family on Christmas day itself this year is also stubbornness too. I recently overheard a conversation with his father about me which was not particularly nice. I didnt let on to DP how much it hurt me but I am aware the man has no respect for me or the 5 of us as a family.
Is there a compromise I'm not seeing?? Our parents live too far apart for us to squeeze both in really without spending a significant amount of time in the car and I dont want to do that since it's the time when I have all if the children together. Our house also is far too small for inviting everyone to us although this would be my preference if it was possible. I am happy to spend boxing day with his family since 2 of my children wont be there anyway so it's not important to me, but I dont think that will be enough to please him and his family. I think he wants to keep his extended family happy as they are generally very demanding and can huff/ talk behind his back if they dont get what they want. I understand this puts him in a difficult position as he feels he is stuck in the middle.
This ended up being quite the rant :/ Apologies and thanks for reading! Does anyone spend Christmas away from DPs and are happy with it??? Am I being selfish wanting DP to spend Christmas with me and the children?