Aibu to just want a good moan and a cry with my mum?

[berringer]

She died 4 and a half years ago . My dad died 2 years before. My aunt died 6 months after her . There’s no one if that generation left. No one to ring up or go and cuddle, no one to talk to and be loved and advised. My brother and sister and now very distant, they fell out in the aftermath of the bereavements and have their own lives and stresses.

I just keep feeling this emptiness, when I want to ground myself and just be cuddled and have a reassuring chat. There’s no one to talk to. My husband is great, but he’s going through the same stuff as me. Friends are in the same mad conveyer belts. I just want my mum.

I’m very fortunate really, my marriage is strong, I do a job I love which is going well, we have enough. The main thing I am finding very difficult is that both my kids have learning disabilities. Most of the time I cope with this, but just now i’m Feeling overwhelmed with the relentlessness and hating it. So much stress, fighting, screaming, mess . They both just need support all the time, fight each other for it and we never get a break. So tired of it.

Last week we got advised to look for a special school for my son. And also the head teacher of his school rang us up because my son had a bruise on his arm from where my husband lost his temper and grabbed him to stop him punching his sister in the face for the umpteenth time. He’s not going to press charges or go to social services because he understands our situation, but it’s so mortifying. It’s so hard. We’re on the waiting list for CamHS learning disability support, to try and figure out how to deal with my son’s
Just want to take to my mum.

That accidentally posted before I had chance to edit and finish. But you get the gist I guess. And i’ve Just realised that while i’ve Been crying in the bus typing this i’ve Not realised that i’m On the wrong bus . Gah

Anybody listening?

Sounds very tough ☹️

That sounds so tough. I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss.

OP
I'll send you a virtual hug.
Is there anything you can do to help you feel closer to your DM.
Is there any outside support you can access. I know there is very little help for DC with extra needs.
It is relentless.

Oh I completely understand. I have DS with SEN, in the process of EHCP. School want him to go to specialist provision, but there isn't anything suitable locally. Dh parents and my mum no longer with us, and my dad is too far away to help. Big hugs and

Thank you.

I just want proper hours of chats with their grandma.

@berringer You are still grieving. I’m where you are. We lost 4 family members suddenly and we are 2 years down the line now. We are still grieving. The nearer to Christmas (this was when we all came together) the more intense we feel it.

Be kind to yourself. Get support where you can.

That sounds so hard OP. I'm on the verge of tears with one of mine but this has put things in perspective. Is there anyone who could give you a break? Even to pay someone for a few hours a week so you have that to look forward to? Sorry things are so hard, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job xxx

I feel exactly the same as you OP, I separated from my STBXH in April last year & then my DM very unexpectedly passed away in October.

I am struggling to set up a new life for me & the kids ( one of whom has considerable medical needs) on my own without any parental support - my DF lives abroad & I am low contact.

I just want a long chat & a hug from my Mum.

I understand you. My sister died 8 years ago and I miss our hour long phone chats. It eases with time, but you never stop missing the loved ones.

Big hugs. I lost my mum last year. Like you, I'm lucky with a strong marriage.
I've just had quite a big surgery that went a bit wrong and all I want is to talk to mum. I understand

I also feel this emptiness my mom died 5 years ago age 34. She never met my kids and it just breaks my heart.
I think now Christmas is coming I feel a lot worse about it I'm not sure if you do too OP?
I'm sorry you lost everybody close to you I'm fortunate enough to still have my dad but it's not the same as having your mom.

When I argue with my partner I just want to ring her up and vent or when the kids are driving me crazy I wish I could just send them to hers for the afternoon. Life is cruel OP, people say times a great healer but this isn't true at least not for me anyway, we just learn how to hide how we really feel.

Sending you a big huge virtual squeeze x

Hey. I just want to say, I feel the exact same.
My son has learning difficulties, autism, the list goes on..
We are having major issues with him and school at the moment, refusal to go and anxiety. I wish my parents were here for me to talk to too.. my Mum has been dead for 10 years and my Dad well, that's another matter.

I feel for you. It's not very MNs but, please message me if you need someone. I certainly need someone too.

This is going to sound really daft but when I lost my dad along time ago the urge to speak with him ,to tell him everything to want to share life with him didnt go away.I knew he wasnt going to be there anymore and my heart breaks reading how you feel as I was the same.I found a solution that works for me though maybe it might work for you too? Heres what I did...I wrote to him..when ever I felt I wanted to tell him how things were going,the successes the failures,the happy times the shit times I wrote to him..pages and pages sometimes,I told him everything I needed to get out of my system and everything I would have told him had he still been alive,I even put my letters in an envelope! Then before I went to bed I went outside into the back garden and burned the letter.The smoke carried the letter up to heaven to my dad...barmy I know but it got me through nearly 15 years...I dont write so much now but I do sit on my bed sometimes and look up to the stars and say well its not been such a bad day today dad...did you see what xxx had done or whatever...I know he can hear me still.....do what you need to get you through OP.I wish you well going forward and I am sorry you lost your mum really I am .

Thank you . Just crying loads.

I can't imagine life without my mum OP... sending you positive vibes.

Do you have any traditions which help you? My cousins were bereaved if their dad when young and did balloon releases, writing lessons etc.

I can totally empathise. My DM died nearly 3 years ago and I miss her everyday. We spoke on the phone daily and her absence has left a gap that just can’t be filled. She was my person for everything - she listened in a way that no else can. I don’t have the added complication of SN kids although mine are far from perfect so I get that feeling of wanting advice and compassion when things are tough. The only person who would without fail tell me I’m a good mum and I’m doing ok was my mum. It’s crap isn’t it.

I don't talk to my late mother - we're not speaking owing to her being an epic cunt. There was one day, about a year after she died, when I suddenly looked up at the sky and said 'What's this 'being dead' nonsense? I've had enough of it now!' That's the closest I've been to talking to her.

I really did miss her, though, when my dd was ill. I missed having someone who really understood.

If I did want to speak to her, I'd either picture her or find a photo (probably the Order of Service from her funeral, that had some lovely photos in it), sit quietly with a cup of tea, and tell her everything I wanted her to know. I think it might help.

I lost my dad in January this year, I'm hoping to be moving house in the near future & much as I am looking forward to it, I am dreading it because my dad won't be there to advise me on stuff like light fittings & stuff, he always did this even though he was too infirm to do the physical stuff. He will never get to see my new home, my ds takes his GCSE's next summer & my dad won't be there to congratulate my son, I know he would be so proud of how hard he has worked for his exams.

I totally feel you OP, My Mum died 10 yrs ago on saturday, and i still ache for the need for a mum hug/chat and its taken me years to get through some really bad grief. I still have my dad thankfully but hes 82. My husband isn't at all physically affectionate so i rely on my two lovely teenage daughters for comforting hugs and tlc. hope u are feeling better soon xx

It’s just so empty. Feel like i’ve Gone from having a normal family to losing them all in a couple of years. Now left struggling alone with these kids that are so difficult. My mum would love them regardless and help me love them regardless. Feel like i’m such a shit mum.