Socially awkward

[Beansprout30]

I was painfully shy as I child, it wasn’t until my late teens that I began to gain more confidence and somehow I’ve made it to my late thirties by ‘blagging’ my way as an extrovert

Yesterday however i took my daughter to a birthday party where i knew none of the parents and instantly I felt like the shy kid I used to be, I could see my daughter feeling lost in the situation too and I had to hold back my tears as I could see she struggled to mix. I tried to make conversation with a couple of parents but most it seemed already knew each other and I ended up sat on my own wishing the party to end. My daughter settled in after a while and enjoyed herself but I am dreading the next invite.

I literally buckle in a group situation and my mind goes blank with small talk. I try to give positive body language but I think people can smell my shyness a mile off and keep away. I really hope my daughter isn’t going to suffer the same shyness I had as a child, can anyone relate? Offer advice?

You don't have to make friends with these people, OP. Ignore them and sit on your phone- in a couple of years the parties will be drop-and-run in nature and it'll no longer matter.

Like you, I've faked it pretty effectively and at work you'd never guess that I would consider myself socially awkward. I suppose because at work I have faith in my abilities - I know that I am pretty competent at my job, so find the confidence to talk to people.

My DCs are much older now but the equivalent of a children's party where other people are all know each other as you describe is much, much harder for me. Roly is right that it doesn't really matter, though. Don't worry too much about passing the awkwardness onto your DD though - she's her own person and will find her own way. An introvert parent doesn't necessarily make an introvert child - just give her plenty of opportunities to develop her social skills - which it sounds like you're doing, exactly by sucking it up and taking her to parties however hideous it is for you.

Sounds like you did a great job. Agree with PPs, you don't have to make friends. If they were like that, there was nothing you could have done. No need to feel awkward, this was them not you. And your daughter learned not to run away (as you didn't).

I had an almost identical experience at a party this weekend; I normally manage social situations relatively well even though I don’t always enjoy it when I don’t know people but after yesterday I wonder if kids birthday parties are just hard and people make less of an effort compared to weddings and adult parties etc where I’ve always managed pretty well. Next time I plan to take my DH as there were quite a few couples and I wonder if they both came so that they felt less awkward

Thanks for the replies, that’s made me feel a whole lot better. @user1493413286 this party was the same, a lot of partners and even baby siblings! I left both of mine at home thinking that wouldn’t be right to be bring the whole family. I think you are right, possibly they took people to make it more enjoyable, if I’d had my dh there and I saw someone sat alone I think I’d have tried to include them as I know how awkward they may have felt on their own

I wish people would go over and make an effort when someone is clearly on their own at a party and a bit uncomfortable because they don’t know anyone. People can be so cliquey sometimes!