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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Trick or treating

30 replies

Silbury1967 · 03/11/2019 20:28

I know it's a bit late for this post, and it should read 'WAS I being unreasonable', not AIBU!
Do you let your kids trick or treat? We moved to a nice area a couple of years ago and since then I've let the younger kids trick or treat with friends. The area we lived in previously was not as nice or friendly, and I never let the older kids go trick or treating.
Every halloween we would watch spooky kids films or cartoons, eat loads of sweeties and carve pumpkins, but we never answered the door to trick or treaters or let the kids go out. We would also go for a walk in the dark and look for witches.
Now I'm wondering if the older kids missed out by not being allowed to trick or treat. They always used to ask me if they could go but I always viewed it as an american idea and it always seemed like begging to me.
What are other parents views on this?

OP posts:

littlepaddypaws · 03/11/2019 20:32

it's fun but i never did it with my dc and they weren't fussed to go. i don't like the 'begging' aspect either.

Liverbird77 · 03/11/2019 20:32

Your Halloweens sound like fun.
We only do "trick or treat" with friends and former neighbours, and it is prearranged. I don't particularly like it.

bridgetreilly · 03/11/2019 20:33

Well, yes they missed out, in the sense that their younger siblings did it and they didn't.

Does it matter that they didn't do this? Not at all. Everyone's life is different and there are always things that some people get to do and not others.

CalmdownJanet · 03/11/2019 20:38

This notion of it being "begging" just makes me eye roll, what a fun sponge way of thinking. That said your Halloween sounds lovely so I doubt your kids missed out and as nobody knows the area you lived then nobody can judge, if it wasn't safe then of course you were not unreasonable if it was just so your kids didn't beg then that would be different (to me)

hauntedvagina · 03/11/2019 20:38

I don't view it as begging at all, it's one night of the year where you have the opportunity to have a bit of neighbourly spirit and do something nice for the children.

modgepodge · 03/11/2019 20:40

I feel like trick or treating has changed over the past few years. When I was a kid, not many did it and there didnt seem to be ‘rules’ about only knocking at decorated houses. My mum would never let me go (saw it as begging), and I remember being mortified as a teenager to open the door (forgot it was halloween!) and having nothing to give. I’ve always been very anti trick or treating.

Now, it seems people do generally only knock at decorated houses (I’ve never decorated and never had a knock) and lots more houses are decorated.

My daughter is under a year so it will be a few hears before I have this dilemma. Part of me still thinks it’s begging. Also, all year we tell kids not to take sweets from strangers - except for halloween when you actively seek out strangers to ask for sweets from?! Seems like mixed messages. But perhaps it is just harmless fun and I’m overthinking!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/11/2019 20:44

I never did it as a child and never felt like I was missing out on anything. We never got sweets or even did anything for Halloween.

ihuli · 03/11/2019 20:45

I was brought up to see it as begging, but then a friend got me to try. It’s actually fun, and a really big thing here how much people decorate. No chance of knocking on doors of people who aren’t up for it. The sweets given out are usually small, eg splitting a box of roses or cheap lollies and handing them out- nothing much but it adds up.

It’s actually a time I think our community spirit is at its finest, and quite a special time. I think we should stop hiding inside a bit more and talk to and interact with our neighbours (whilst leaving alone those who need the quiet or don’t want to for any reason)

mummabubs · 03/11/2019 20:50

Like several others here already, I was never allowed to do it as a child due to the begging perspective. I have to say it's a perspective I still hold as an adult and our 2yo DC won't be partaking either. I never felt like I was missing out on Halloween, we still made pumpkin lanterns at home and occasionally watched a spooky film... Possibly with popcorn or a few treats but it was never a big deal to us.

Likethebattle · 03/11/2019 20:56

We went out every year as kids but it wasn’t trick or treating which is American, it was old fashioned guising.

Merryoldgoat · 03/11/2019 20:58

The ‘it’s begging’ brigade make me despair - it’s going around knocking on the door of people who have made it clear they want to participate (with decorations) getting SWEETS - begging is stretching credulity to its limits imo.

I think it does matter where you are and whether you’ll get a good reception. My neighbour and I had around 120 monsters calling. It was lovely.

But where I lived previously there were very few families and no one would’ve participated so no point going out.

I don’t think your older DS will be scarred from missing out but yes, it’s a nice thing they didn’t do which is a shame but we can’t get to do everything.

jelly79 · 03/11/2019 20:59

My god...how is it begging! I took my 2.5 year old out for half an hour and he was giddy with joy everytime he was given a treat. Said please, thank you and happy Halloween. He got even more joy out of answering the door to other kids and giving them the gingerbread we made and packets of sweets.

It's a cute tradition. Begging is nonsense.

InsertFunnyUsername · 03/11/2019 21:02

Begging that's just a lazy excuse IMO.

My DD is too young atm but I'm sure I will take her when shes old enough. We did when we were young and it was good fun, especially when the houses you knocked on went all out. Them neighbours were considered legends all year round

weebarra · 03/11/2019 21:03

I'm Scottish. Never thought of it as begging, it's guising.
My three dressed up, practiced their jokes and went round decorated houses only. Every child coming to our house did their "turn", a song, a joke or something else.

ThatMuppetShow · 03/11/2019 21:07

Let's see..
in my neighbourhood, some people had prepared sweet cones, some kids had baked halloween cookies, others were offering drinks and mince pies to the parents.
It's hardly begging when the generous givers are welcoming the idea to offer you something. The kids love it, and we buy enough sweets to share with neighbours too!

ArialAnna · 03/11/2019 21:07

I took my nearly 3 year old for the first time this year and he really loved it. There's something really magical about walking round after dark and visiting all these spookily dressed up houses. He loved collecting the sweets in his little bag though he wasn't that interested in actually eating them. I really don't see it as begging at all - round our area it's mostly families that participate and while one parent is out with their kids the other is at home giving out sweets (or failing that people leave a pot of sweets outside their front door) so it's affectively more of a community sweet swap! I loved it - there was a really cosy community feel to it and it was lovely seeing all these happy kids out.

Crazyoldmaurice · 03/11/2019 21:09

I went a few times as a kid and my mum didn't like it as seemed like begging but my stepdad did. I loved it, it was great fun.

Now its very different as posted above, you only trick or treat houses that openly welcome you to with decorations or a pumpkin outside. I took my 4 and 2.5 year old this year and we were out from 4.45-7.00pm!!! We only expected to go to a handful of houses but so many people got involved this year. The kids absolutely loved it and didnt want to come home. They were very polite and wished everyone a happy Halloween, took one sweet and said thank you, it had a lovely community feel to it as we saw a lot of neighbours/nursery friends out and about. A lovely old lady a few doors down dressed up to the nines as a witch and just sat on her porch giving out sweets and interacted with all the children.

I think if everyone is respectful and follows these new unwritten rules it can be a fun and cheap evening of fun for all those who want to be involved. We got to say hello to lots of neighbours and it was a fun evening for the kids and I got some fresh air (they got to walk and tire themselves out too!).

San141 · 03/11/2019 21:12

I was born in the 70's. My mum took us out, but back then in the UK in was "penny for the lantern" (a turnip ) or penny or the guy ( a scareman for the bonfire!) A penny could mean a penny chew or 1 or 2p. The words "trick or treat " are from America, but other countries have accepted them! my kids went through a phase of knocking on decorated houses and just saying happy Halloween. We all have our own ways

Crazyoldmaurice · 03/11/2019 21:17

Also, I dont think I've met anyone in these past 4 years as a parent who has said after taking their kids trick or treating they hated it and didnt do it again because it felt like begging. Everyone I know who has taken their kids enjoys it. Follow the cbeebies song and "try it".

I think Carol singers knocking at your door and singing at you expecting a donation is far more like begging than trick or treating.

Fishcakey · 03/11/2019 21:20

DS is 14 and I have never let him do it. I don't agree with it. I never did it and I turned out alright!

Original poster

Silbury1967 · 03/11/2019 21:21

Where we lived before we never decorated the house but the callers would start mid-afternoon and carry on well into the night. I used to hate it. We printed off posters from the council website asking kids not to knock but they never took any notice.
I relented and let the younger ones go as they have so many friends here and know so many neighbours, something which never happened in our other house, so I bowed to the pressure and relented on the condition they only knock at houses that are decorated or have a pumpkin outside. I still don't like the idea, probably because halloween was nothing to us growing up as kids, it was just another day and trick or treating was never done where I grew up. Dh feels the same and he never did it as a child either. I know a lot of people will think I'm the halloween version of Scrooge

OP posts:

namechangetheworld · 03/11/2019 21:22

The whole "begging" argument is ludicrous. If I was sending my children out begging I'd be hoping that they came back with a bit more than a pack of mini Haribo and some Chupa Chups lollies. Joyless scrotes.

RachelEllenR · 03/11/2019 21:24

I'm happy to go with my children with the strict rules we only go to decorated houses. I leave sweets out and then we keep handing them out once home and don't think anyone is begging when I've made it clear I'm happy for them to come!

cavycavy · 03/11/2019 21:30

I live in a lovely village, we know most of the people. I take my DD around with my nieces. Lots of houses put loads of effort in, some of the adults handing out the sweets even dress up, it’s almost a bit magical!

I do insist my DD has a trick though!! This yeah it was her hand in a shoe box - classic! She loved showing people even though literally nobody ever said ‘trick’!!!

CalmdownJanet · 03/11/2019 21:44

All those saying they weren't allowed as their parents saw it as begging and now they don't do it with their kids, do you not think you were raised as fun sponges by fun sponges and you should just let go, have fun, embrace one night of cheap fun with your kids and break the fun sponge cycle, don't pass the mean spirited attitude down another generation

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