family trip

[oreshina]

Am i being unreasonable to feel sad/a tiny bit jealous that my mum and aunt went off on a special trip away and didn't even think to ask if I might like to join them?
To cut a long story short, my mum and I were always very close until my aunt moved back to the area where we live. My aunt is a kind and loving lady, but since around that time, she always seemed to somewhat resent the relationship my mum and I had. She would say things to me like 'you have a very flat chest' when we went shopping for a prom dress with my mum. Then when I got engaged she said 'well, you might not be able to have children, you might be barren like your old aunt'. When I didnt get into the teaching post grad I applied for, she said to my mum 'It's about time she had a taste of disappointment in her life'. I have always brushed these things to one side, and seen the best of my aunt, as she is a warm and kind lady. But I cant help feeling over the years she tries to keep my mum 'to herself' for want of a better way of putting it, as I know that sounds a bit daft. They never invite me to lunches, dinner, theatre, cinema trips, short breaks. We are a very close family so I dont understand why not. I have said once in the past, it would be lovely to join you from time to time and nothing has changed. This recent trip they organised, they only told me once it was booked. I was happy for them, but they said it was to honour my grandmother who had always wanted to go to this place, but never made it. I was very very close to my grandma. Probably the person in my whole life who I feel just 'got me' and i 'got her' more than anyone else. I adored her and would do anything for her, so to hear the trip was in her honour and not even a thought to include me just sort of hurts. I dont know whether I am being childish and entitled thinking like this or if it is justified. I wouldnt say anything, as I wouldnt want to spoil anything for them, and if I dared to say anything at all, even very gently and without any kind of bad feeling they would take it the wrong way. So it's not worth the hassle and would only drive a wedge further. I suppose Im not entirely sure why it is like this.

Thank you for reading x

I completely understand how you feel - could you invite yourself? When they go to lunch, just say "cool - I'll see you there" or something similar! I did that and now go to lunch with my parents once a week!!!

'It's about time she had a taste of disappointment in her life'.

she is a warm and kind lady no she bloody well isn’t.

She sounds like a toxic nightmare.

I’d focus on doing lovely things with friends and leave your mum and your aunt to it because you won’t get the relationships you want, or deserve, from them. Of course you feel sad but it sounds like this is part of a pattern of behaviour so not unexpected. Sorry you’re feeling sad.

Your aunt is horrible. Warm and kind my fanny.

Why would you want to go and open yourself up to her making horrible comments while you were there?

Of course your DMum has her own relationship with her DSis, which well involve them doing things together - just the siblings. Including things which honour their mother and harken back to their childhood

I urge you not to make this about you. Yes you were close to your DGM - but it was even closer for them.

So instead I suggest that you start to organise the event/trips that you think would make people happy; sometimes for DMum, sometimes for both, sometimes for more family and friends too. Taking the initiative, rather than waiting to be asked will usually reduce your stress levels

I think you are right AuntieStella. Maybe it's the fact they just booked it without mentioning, or the fact they never invite me to anything. I do arrange things like family lunches, and recently a special train journey for my grandpa for all of us. I always include and think of everyone in the family. Maybe that's why I find it a bit hard. I feel also like my aunt is quick to take offence to anything I say and even the slightest hint of criticism from me about my mum she will repeat it to my mum as soon as possible. She has often got involved in mixing things between us and trying to tell me how my childhood was, even though she lived abroad for most of it.