Weird dynamic with boss - anyone had similar?

[Catonawall]

I believe she is threatened by me, when I consider everything and our positions, but it is a nightmare to deal with on a daily basis and wondered if anyone has had similar situations?

One minute acts like she’s my best friend, the next she’s taking credit for my work or just not acknowledging it, throwing me under a bus if something goes wrong, blaming me for other people’s issues etc.

Lots of specifics I won’t go into here! FWIW a lot of the time I do the hardest bits of her job for her (quite a specialist job in a business) so feel resentful that my contribution isn’t recognised adequately.

How do you deal with someone like this - is it a case of just, they won’t leave so you need to move? (She definitely won’t be leaving any time soon as won’t be the sort to retire early!)

Any tips for surviving in the mean time?

Sounds very familiar and it’s the rapid changes from best friend to distance or lack of support I couldn’t handle. Can you move horizontally away but stay in business if otherwise happy?

@Whoopstheregomyinsides glad it’s not just me what did you do? That’s it, one day I feel things are fine and the next I feel like I’m heading for my p45. Can’t move sidewise as small business and it’s a specialist job so it would have to be a move elsewhere!

Have you (politely) called her out. When she takes credit for your work. If she says she did xyz, then maybe intersperse with something along the lines that you initiated xyz, which boss worked on also.

Blaming others is harder, as you don’t want to be antagonistic. Maybe make sure you have evidence/record of your actual work, as proof if she blames you.

Is she jealous of your abilities, or unsure/insecure. of her own position?

@loveisland I think it’s both, abilities but also position - not sure why on the latter really but appears insecure.

I’ve tried to be quite clear about my part in projects and evidence of what I’ve done but it’s almost like she just doesn’t want to hear it unless it benefits her or rather she knows full well but chooses not to acknowledge it.

Yes, I’ve backed right off. Stopped saying ‘how high’ when she’s said ‘jump’ and left a day or two to respond to emails as half the time they were just shot from the hip without really thinking about what she was saying. Stopped being buddy buddy and remained professional. With important work I’ve copied into her superiors or colleagues under some pretence (e.g. Sheila, I thought this might be useful for you too so I’ve copied you in). What she’s doing is bullying/harassment and it can be exhausting. You do need to call her out on it. Mine asked me to break a company policy so she could achieve a target and I refused and told her why. She’s very careful around me now in case I report her.

@LellyMcKelly thanks that’s really helpful. Everyone sucks up to her so much and I find myself doing it too as if she likes you then you’re a favourite and things are great. I know I need to stop doing that. Copying people in is a good idea...

Oh my god the more you say the more familiar it is. It’s so hard isn’t it?

Yup, I'd be looking for another role (at her level, not yours) somewhere else.

@Whoopstheregomyinsides yes are you still working with yours??

@bridgetreilly at least I know I could do her job!

Yup. I had to move sideways to get away. It was escalating and beginning to take its toll on my mental health. I did have a fairly brutal discussion with her before I left when I pointed out that her mood swings and aggression were having a detrimental effect on the whole team. That seemed to come as a complete shock to her but I'm not holding my breath that things have improved there.

I worked with a boss like this. To be honest, I didn't find out the full extent until after she'd left. My bosses boss mentioned I really shone under new boss (after bitch has left). No shit - ex boss took credit for all my good work then slagged me off while smiling to my face.

I'm now the boss and swore I'd never be that boss! I learned a lot from her about how not to be.

Oh and a little bit of me was pleased when she finally put one of her more batshit accusations (of fraudulent behaviour!!) in writing because I knew that then I had concrete evidence of her Wtf behaviour.

@nonevernotever that sounds terrible and rather similar - glad you managed to get away!

@m0therofdragons how do these people get to these levels???