turn on the flame throwers - overnight visitors

[redchocolatebutton]

I'm ready for a big flaming

relative staying for a week.
relative is loud, can't close doors or loo lids quietly. they even can't just sit down without almost falling through the floor.
their body spray absolutely stinks.
they insists on having smelly cheese for breakfast.
they talk constantly.

plus the weather is shit (stormy) so I can't even go for a walk

aibu to put snot into their dinner?

Use the body spray on the cheese?

Brilliant 😂😂

Put classic FM on in the mornings.
Sprinkle some extra salt on their cheese.
Hide some warm prawns in the bedroom.
Swap the gin for water.
Itching power in the bed... Or sand.

visitor loves classic fm.
would prodigy be a good choice for morning coffee background music?

if I hear one more time which home improvement they would tackle next chez nous I will scream.

brexit... start talking about that.

nope. talks about brexit would result in one of us dead...

The only real answer to "Are you pregnant?" is "Would you like me to slap you in the face with a bloody tampon?"

It might be time to bring out the MN big guns.
"Did you mean to be so rude?" And the tinkly little laugh.

Or 'you are awful' a la Muriel's Wedding (and Dick Emory).

I got a lavender infused goats cheese as good bye present.
that sort of combines smelly cheese and bath products.

I swear a lot, silently of course.

it's a relative who invited themselves.
Get a backbone and tell them no then? If you hate them so much why are you allowing them to take the piss?

Problem with snotting in their dinner is you'll dramatically reduce your hotness if you do, OP. You know what they always say, you're "hot to trot until you rocket snot".

Can you 'borrow' a dog, a big, long-haired one (preferably moulting) that's massively over affectionate and likes to sit on visitors whilst staring lovingly into their face and dribbling?

Or a small and very barky one that stares accusingly at you every time you move and takes your seat on the sofa whenever you stand up? (I can help you with that one).

Soft close toilet seat and throw out the cheese saying you thought it was off. Also think of some excuses for next time lol

visitor is almost back in my good books as they played monopoly with the dc tonight.

"Use the body spray on the cheese."

Sounds like the solution to a computer game puzzle :D

1 more night...

Think about how you feel right now. Store it up in your memory so you can recall it exactly. Remember it the next time a week-long visit is suggested.

For now, hang in there. Try to plan a treat for yourself when they are gone - it helps to pull you through.

gone
gone gone
gone gone gone

Damn, I was going to suggest itching powder in their bed, followed by an announcement that you have an infestation of bed bugs.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏