WIBU to still go?

[Heyduggeefordays]

Our Christmas is usually held on Boxing Day due to DP’s shifts and we host my DM every year and DB & SIL every other year as they alternate between us and her family. It’s been the same for the last 6 years.

This year we’ve been granted a Christmas miracle a little early and DP’s getting a week off over Christmas starting the 24th. DM was meant to be working Christmas and said to just go ahead and have Christmas without her she’d see us and DD after Christmas.

With that in mind we accepted an invitation to go to DP’s family for Christmas leaving on the 24th and coming home on the 26th. We were massively looking forward to enjoying quality time without the pressure of hosting for a change.

Now DM has gone and got Xmas day off and is massively trying to guilt me into not going. We’ve offered several compromises like coming with us or hosting on Boxing Day when we get back like but none of them are good enough for her.

So WIBU to still go? Bearing in mind that if DM ends up alone it’ll be through her own choice as she has plenty of offers for Xmas day.

I do t think you would be unreasonable not to change your plans. You have always accommodated your DM and this year things are different. She is off work and had other offers so it’s not as if you’re being unkind.
Besides, your hosts may already have made plans or started started stocking up.

Not unreasonable to go at all, so long as she knows that she's invited along/there are other options.

To be clear I don’t think ...

Definitely still go. You've given your mother options and if she doesn't like it tough luck not your problem.

I would still go, and I think DM is being very unreasonable. She wont be alone unless she chooses to be.

Definitely go.

If you normally celebrate on 26th, how has DM normally spent 25th or has she always been working too? Could DB & SIL host her this year or is it their year to go to their ILs? When was the last time you were able to spend Christmas with DP's parents if you've been hosting your own family for the last six years? DM had already gave you "permission" / the go ahead to go to DPs parents so that's what you should do. As the saying goes "no matter how hard you try to please, you can never please everyone!" It's only one day. She has been given plenty of very kind, alternative, doable options.

Yes, go to your DP’s family. Your DM has had the last 6 years.

Definitely go. To do otherwise would be massively unfair to your DH and his family & surely they would be rightly pissed off.

DM usually spends the 25th working also. DB & SIL still live with SIL’s parents so can’t host but DM has been offered to go there on Xmas every year. Me and DP used to celebrate separately with our own families. That only changed when IL’s moved and DP couldn’t make it there due to work so we see them over the New Year instead. This was just a habit we fell into as it was convenient for us due to DP’s work.

Carry on, go to dp’s parents. Your mum has changed the goalposts, not you. She’s being unfair to demand that you stay to host her now.

It would be rude to not go to your partner's family, now that you have accepted their invitation.

Don't allow your mum to guilt trip you, she has other options, so if she won't accept any of those, it's her own fault if she's on her own.

You've already accepted an invitation, it would be rude not to go now.
Re-iterate that she can come with you, and that you and DP want to go to his family this year, that this is a rare opportunity, and that you don't want to host.
Is sh e worried about going to in-laws, or is she just being difficult?
Whatever, her wishes don't trump yours or DPs or his parents, who are probably over the moon to have DP with them!

Agree with others, stick to your plans to go to in-laws and enjoy a year off! It’s your dm who has changed her mind and she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you to cancel, especially as you’ve already said yes.

If dm ends up alone, despite various offers, that’s on her.