SS's mum being unreasonable?

[Iheartdonuts]

Posting for a friend but for ease have written as if it's me.

DD has a tutor. SS struggles and would like to also have a tutor so I (with backing from DP) have arranged for the tutor to help both of them during our contact time with SS. His confidence in subject has improved immensely. However SS's mother has said she doesn't want him to have a tutor because he's not stupid and I've overstepped the mark. If we continue with this she will stop SS coming over. He's 12. I think shes being unreasonable. I'm paying btw and have not asked for any kind of contribution. What do you think?

If he asked then YANBU but both parents needed to have agreed first regardless of who is paying.

I don't see why this would be an issue? If the child is benefiting than surely that is a good thing?

I think this is just one of those if it happens on dad’s time with no expectation of input from mum, mum will just need to suck it up situations.

What has dp said in response? How old is dd?

Let DH deal with her. Tell her it was him who organised it. He’s entitled to hire a tutor for his child on his time and his dime.

Is the child happy with the tutoring? Or do they feel embarrassed?

SS is very happy with the tutoring. He saw how DD was getting on and asked if he could have a tutor too. He is not embarrassed. He is calling us up telling us how he is much more active in class and is really staring to enjoy the subject now he understands it.

DD and SS are the same age but in different schools.

DP has told his ex that it's our time and tutoring is not impacting on her time. She thinks everyone will think her son is thick.

Tell it's you don't care what "people" will think. Honestly, its shocking to hear she wouldn't want her child to do better due to what "people" might think.

I think his mother is the unreasonable one here

His mother is bu. The students who have tutors at my school tend to be the high achievers anyway, aiming for the best sixth forms.

I'm wondering if this is about more than what the mum is saying because I find it hard to believe any parent would want to stop their child from extra tuition that they actually enjoy!

What is relationship like between mum and DH? Does she feel he is using this in some way against her? Would she be able to afford a tutor herself? If not, could this be about her ability to afford things for SS and feeling like not good enough parent because of it?