Ds struggling

[Seriouslyconfused3]

I’m sorry am kind of posting in Aibu for traffic but if I have to have one it’s Aibu to think this isn’t quite right?

My ds4 is struggling generally. He’s very sensitive and he has been assessed by Camhs but they think he’s ‘normal’ their words not mine.

He’s always had sensory issues over clothes, smells etc and been very routine rigid. However the sensory things have improved over time (costumes etc are still a no go though) he was very late to talk and is definitely behind his peers academically. He is petrified of the dark, Hates noise/parties etc. He goes to school ok but comes home exhausted and upset telling me it’s too noisy, the children are nasty, they hurt him etc.

He doesn’t deal with change at all. According to camhs though he is too socially adept to fit within the autistic spectrum. He makes eye contact (not when stressed though- then he rolls his eyes round and round), happily chats to adults (I think he’s over familiar personally) and was generally delightful at every assessment.

School have him down as a sensitive soul apparently but he gets overlooked as he is really compliant (not at home though). At home he alternates between bouncing off the walls hyper and sobbing and exhausted.

He begs me not to send him to school but then goes on ok (but then will cry all night afterwards)

I feel so sad for him he’s almost always in a distressed state. I’ve explained this to camhs and I’m pretty sure they think I’m just after benefits or something or that I have munchausen by proxy

So I guess that’s my Aibu am I worrying unnecessarily? Please be gentle. He’s not my first btw two totally ‘neurotypical ’ older siblings with no such issues

My kids were similar to this, I just feel like they are highly sensitive introverts, who need alot of time and support to adjust to new situations and transitions. Also have a touch of social anxiety too. My eldest is nearly 13 and she's rapidly getting better and better, and growing in confidence. With every year that goes by she improves. Hopefully it will be the same for you. Just always be there and be patient. He may find things more difficult than other kids of the same age but I'm sure he'll get there eventually. Good luck

Gosh, I so hear what you are saying. I could have written this about my DD and DS to an extent. Like you I also have older NT children and I really do feel these two are differently wired.

I wouldn't give up pushing with CAMHS or maybe the GP. Whenever he has issues, keep contacting them. Maybe you could keep a diary of what he's like so you have evidence? And you could see a private consultant, at least to get a diagnosis or some new input. It can be affordable if prioritized.

Thank you for your kind replies. I honestly worry so much about him. It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones

Really @Interestedwoman? When I questioned camhs on the diagnosis they became extremely condescending asking if I’d ever tried incentives for positive behaviour and asking if I was managing ok the whole process felt quite soul destroying.

The educational psychologist they sent actually stated he is like two different children- he’s so friendly until he has had his limit of interaction then he shuts down and becomes non verbal and non communicative. I asked camhs about that assessment and while they agreed it had been noted they wouldn’t discuss further