Help please

[peachymum29]

Help please
This will be long Sorry
I lost my Mum very suddenly in January, we had a love/hate relationship. She was controlling a bit rude and at times very overbearing.
Don't know if this is relative to my story but after being told I was infertile after having my DS I fell pregnant to my new partner when my DS was 16. I was shocked overwhelmed but very very excited. Fast forward to my birth I had 3 failed epidurals then an emergency section. The nurses etc didn't believe any of the epidurals failed. At one point I screamed at them all that they were really not listening to me.
I requested a meeting with those involved in my birth but I ended up in hospital with sepsis although I'd been at my Doctor that day regarding my wound being infected. Which he gave me antibiotics for.
I've been on Antibiotics nearly every second week since my DD was born so 4 years now.
I had major surgery in Feb after losing my Mum.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD so here goes my biggest problem... My oh thinks I should be over all this now... I know I'm a mess and want the house along with my DD DS to be perfect.
I stress out with mess.., My head can't handle it... After several conversations where I explain to him how I feel he takes the Piss. Leaving washing lying..., Not putting stuff away when I ask.... Prioritising his work over everything except his nights out. I'm drained and completely done with it all. I'm struggling keeping my cool and find I'm a shouty nasty mess most of the time. I'm snapping and being awful to everyone I'm so sick of being me. I've had counselling and am on medication. But I still find little irrational things that makes my blood completely boil!
I feel like I can't breath my partner is always at work. I work as well but only 2 days. The rest of the time I'm Mum responsible for absolutely everything. I'm not going to do anything but I feel suicidal. I can't take all the responsibility of everything and he just won't listen Any help appreciated

Sweetheart, you need to go to the GP, tell them how you feel and get referred for counselling. You may also need medication in the meantime. That will help you get to a better place mentally to be able to deal with all the rest of your life.

I am not an expert, but do feel talking to a professional could help you. Do you have any other support outside of your DH? Family/friends etc?

Go back to your GP/consultant and tell them how you're feeling. They could up or change your medication. There are dozens of different meds they can try. You could be on a med that works better than this, I promise you.

Your husband also needs to help out. It's not abnormal to not be over the loss of your mum when it was only in January, when you've also had surgery, PTSD and been on antibiotics for years.

Please tell him to help more or to help pay for a cleaner. He doesn't sound very supportive of you. Hugs xxx

I've had counselling and I'm on medication I just can't cope. Had an appointment with my doctor on Friday he said I was on the highest dose of tablets and CHT didn't work for me. Waiting for more help but it's so far away from the referral. I'm losing myself and in a weird way just want to walk away and be with my Mum, I would NEVER EVER do this to my DS and DD I lost my Dad when I was 7 and my world blew up. So mixed up 😔