Is my boyfriend a sexist?

[MySexistBF]

Last night we went to see a film at the cinema.

Talking about it today my boyfriend said that he used to like one of the female actresses in the film but he now didn’t like her because she was ‘old’.

I pulled him up on this and asked him to think about what he was saying as it sounded very much like he was saying that women were only valuable if they were pretty.

I said I would be old one day. He replied that he didn’t want to look at her now she’s all wrinkly. However it might be different if he was old and wrinkly himself (!) Now he is ten years older than me and is middle aged. Certainly nothing special to look at (not that this matters to me).

I’m just really annoyed that he has said this. I think this is an unacceptable attitude and it would appear that he thinks women are objects for him to look at.

AIBU?

I’m not sure if it’s worth breaking up over but it definitely does sound good.

Oh god he sounds awful..when you leave do tell him it's because he's old.

Now he is ten years older than me and is middle aged.

That says everything you need to know.

If you don't dump the loser him, he'll be dumping you shortly anyway, to trade you in for a younger model.

Get in there first, and LTB.

Which actor was it?

No YANBU he clearly views women as decorative objects rather than people, surely he should be watching her for the power of her performance . A friend had this with her husband recently and was quite shocked but I think it's how a lot of men think.

For example at work I've heard various men say they would hate it if their partner had hairy legs and wouldn't find them attractive. Now frankly if that is all it takes to put you off your other half then you really are valuing them on their appearance rather than who they are and what they mean to you.

Yeah it's nasty objectification. I wouldn't necessarily go as far to say he's outwardly sexist from just that remark, but he has the cultural/social sexism internalised. I forget sometimes that people are like this. Someone posted on FB yesterday about Holly Willoughby being in a town near me... and all the replies were gross, leering men making lewd/suggestive/just plain awful dad jokes about her. I suggest that you have the same conversation about a male actor (maybe someone who is still decidedly better looking than your partner) and say how disinterested you'd be in him now, see his face/reaction- explain his internalised sexism and then decide if he's worth your time.

This is not cool in my book. We are all attracted to different things, of course, but there’s a way of putting that respectfully. I once heard a colleague say much the same thing about a star he’d loved ‘but she got old’ (said with expression of disgust). I reminded him we are, if fortunate, ALL ageing and gazed thoughtfully at his receding hairline as I said it

Dump him OP and tell him he's too old.

I don’t really want to say who it is because I think what he said is mean. However there was a male character who is even older and I bet he doesn’t have to face this nonsense about his appearance.

It was the new Terminator movie wasn't it? The two main leads from the first two films - Linda Hamilton and Arnie Schwarzenegger - both looking great for their age, but older than they were 30 odd years ago obviously. Hamilton looks great!

Linda Hamilton looks wonderful. I love that she hasn’t had any work, so refreshing for Hollywood.

Of course he's sexist. The movie industry treats women dreadfully. I read something once about an actress being considered to be too old to play the wife of Harrison Ford, even though she was 20 to 30 years younger than him. Totally ridiculous.

Many, many, many men think like this-it’s shite.

I love that she hasn’t had any work, so refreshing for Hollywood.

Eh?

He sounds sexist and a bit thick. Quite a catch!

Yes @Snoozysnoozy, she’s younger than me and her face looks like mine.

He probably is sexist, but i am middle aged and there are lots of male actors who I no longer fancy because I don't think they have aged well. Harrison Ford for example.

I think the original Terminator film was 1984 so 35 years ago. I think she looks fabulous in the new film

I think he should have worded that differently but it's not that big a deal! He's not obliged to fancy her 30 years on.

Sounds like he is too old for you if he thinks those views are acceptable.

I think there is a difference between not viewing a Hollywood crush in the same way from their 'peak' to as they age, to viewing someone you love age.

Are you annoyed about the famous lady or worried about how he might view you?

Personally I think Sean connery as James bond was so sexy but I don't fancy Sean connery now

However my DH looks to me as gorgeous as ever. So it really depends on the context.

I don't think Leonardo Decaprio is attractive now he's aged and looks older! However, in the late nineties until 2010 ish, he was my favourite man crush! I'm not sexist, nor will I leave my husband when he's 50 because he will be older than the 27 year old I first met...

I don't fancy Catherine Zeta Jones quite as much as I did 15 years ago. C'est la vie. He could've been less insulting than he was about the actress, though.

I completely accept that attraction can fluctuate or even disappear.

I’m upset about his language and choice of words. I’m also upset that he appears to value women solely on how nice they are to look at. He didn’t mention that the actress played a damn good part and brushed this aside when I mentioned this.

YANBU. Agree he could have been less insulting, or just simply said that he preferred her acting in another role.