Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand my notice in tomorrow

26 replies

Flowerpot26 · 02/11/2019 19:09

Hi, please help sort my head out, I seem to be having no confidence in many areas. I returned to work part time, 6months ago when dc1 was a year, it's shift work and 90 min commute, dh has his own business which earns more and operates from where we live however that's all good. No easy family childcare available his folks are abit older and don't feel comfortable, no problem tho is abit dis heartening and were against me going back to work. I use a cm one day a week, but doesn't follow shifts, we are muddling through with either my dh taking time off, or me not getting much sleep, however this summer I lost my mum, im so heartbroken. I just don't have the energy. I took a month off work, I've been back 6 weeks and I just feel I can't keep it up, I'm bored there I don't enjoy it anymore dh is getting stressed he worked out he loses more or the same than I earn depending how many day he has our child, in the near future we would like to try for another, aibu to just hand my notice in? I'm struggling with the idea of being dependent and not having my own job, but at the moment I just want to play with my dc try for another and limit the stress in both our lives, I don't feel this is the time to try and re train as I don't know what I want to do. Money wise I don't see us being any worse off, as dh can make it up and is fully supportive. Just worried my mum would be disappointed as she always encouraged me to work and hold my own.

OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 02/11/2019 19:26

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Standard MN advice would be not to leave yourself financially dependent on your DH, but in your shoes I would be thinking the same. If your job is not serving it's primary purpose - increasing your household income - then all of the negatives (spending time away from your DC, the long commute, the stress, all whilst dealing with a recent, incredibly painful bereavement) aren't worth putting up with imo.

Of course there are things worth taking into account, such as not having maternity pay when/if you have another DC, taking yourself out of the job market for a period of time, not having your own personal income, being reliant on your DH. But at the end of the day, your MH is more important and if you need to take some time out and hunker down with your DH and DC, then I would do it.

Is there any chance of you working for your DH's business, or getting a PT job closer to home?

Take care of yourself Flowers

Original poster
Flowerpot26 · 02/11/2019 19:35

Thank you for your reply, yes I could do little things to help out maybe in the evenings, I'd probably drop my cm to save money but he's keen on me to keep her so I could have the day to myself and get a hobby which were his words! Or I cud do things then maybe to help. I don't want to put myself at a dis advantage for the future tho . I'm just struggling really and can't see what's best to do, and giving up on potential maternity pay, but then that seems a long way at the moment

OP posts:
Hubbel · 02/11/2019 19:51

I would say resign as you sound very unhappy there and given all the other circumstances. Life is too short x

Gamble66 · 02/11/2019 20:00

I would leave and find a volunteer post that will keep your CV updated and do a bit of 'good' as this will be good for your soul and keep in with your mum's ideals X but is at your convenience x

AlwaysCheddar · 02/11/2019 20:05

A 90 minute commute is stupid.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2019 20:16

Can you do your husbands books or admin? Then he can pay you which would be tax-efficient and you're relieving him of some work.
Do t know if that means you would then be eligible for maternity pay

Cantdecidewhere · 02/11/2019 20:18

Is there any possibility of taking a year or two as a career break?
Could you do some part-time work for your partners business and get a small wage for yourself?
You don't sound happy, you've given it a try, it's not working at the moment, give yourself a break, life is too short.
Take care of yourself.

Mumofboth · 02/11/2019 20:22

Definitely quit. You’re not better off financially and you’re miserable there. Take some much needed time for yourself to spend with your baby. I did this for two years and it worked fine for me. Despite what you may be told on MN not all husbands are pricks, some are supportive and don’t have a problem being the breadwinner while you take care of children. My husband never once made me feel shit about being financially dependent on him and I loved the time with my baby. You’ve had a shit time and need to be you again.

Original poster
Flowerpot26 · 02/11/2019 20:28

I'm going to ask for the career break, I think i should be able to get it. Tho I can't see myself going back. 90mins does seem alot, sometimes it's less but mostly it's between 75-90min door to door. tho it is a good salary and could be good prospects in the future, but really only if I go full time, and I don't see that happening for a good while. I think I'm just going to do it. For some reason I'm worried what ppl will say if I leave, but then what does that matter. Thanks all

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 02/11/2019 20:44

If your husband is supportive then yes. It is time you won't get back and your career isn't going to be too impacted for a few years off (depending on the profession) Just make sure you have a plan to go back to work in a few years so you don't miss out on a pension.

Interestedwoman · 02/11/2019 20:51

It depends how much you hate your current job.

Could you take some (more?) sick leave? I know you've had a bereavement, but it hits some people really hard. Maybe this is depression and can be treated. If you've been prescribed meds then please go back so they can try something else. Hugs xxx

Silentlysinking101 · 02/11/2019 21:02

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think handing in your notice seems really sensible given the circumstances, assuming that family finances don't depend on your income.

NWQM · 02/11/2019 21:12

Sending you a virtual hug.

From what you have said it does seem that this job isn't working out however when I was in the first stage of grief (I will always be grieving the loss of my Mum and Dad) I was advised not to make big decisions for the first 12 months.

Would it be worth seeing how you feel when Christmas is out of the way?

grannybiker · 02/11/2019 21:29

So sorry you've lost your precious Mum Flowers
Frankly, if the net benefit to your household income is negative, then you have a fair few options available when you leave this job with the added benefits of more time, energy, money and less travelling, wear & tear on the car etc. Did you notice the 'When' rather than 'If?' Seems a no-brainer.
If you can afford to not work, I'm sure you could soon find meaningful and valuable things to fill your days.

Brideof2020 · 02/11/2019 21:47

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think in your circumstances right now resigning is the thing to do if your family can afford it. You sound like you have the full support of your DH.

Perhaps give yourself a break for a bit, then maybe if you have adequate childcare provision perhaps look at going back part time again, anything really just to get you out the house, conversations with others, a bit of independence.

See how your baby plans come along .....

You dont say how old you are, or if you're job is in a specialist area or anything but you can always look at returning to your field at a later date, when you are in a much better place of mind.

Best wishes and good luck @Flowerpot26

happytoday73 · 02/11/2019 21:54

Sorry about your mum.
You are grieving, not enjoying your job, have a big commute, job causes the whole household stress, you don't need the money.

Quit.please. Your mum would want you to look after yourself and your family especially her grandchild. Give yourself time.... You could take a year or so off...

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 02/11/2019 22:02

Disclaimer - I'm bitter about this.

I lost my mum a few years ago after nursing her through cancer. I had to continue working full time throughout in my own business because without it - I had nothing and couldn't pay the bills. I have to continue working full time following complications from a recent operation and look after two elderly relatives.

So you're u are so lucky to have the option to cut back and loo, after yourself. For many of us, it isn't an option. Ever. Those women and men are the ones who have my sympathy and understanding.

FlamingoQueen · 02/11/2019 22:25

I’m sorry about your Mum. I am sure she would rather you were happy and healthy in your life than stressed and miserable. I didn’t work when my dc’s were little and then I got a job one day a week (on a Sunday) so it didn’t affect dh’s hours. When dc’s started school I got involved with the school and ended up working there. That may sound ideal, my point is that you never know what is around the corner, but after being v ill myself, life is short and you must do what makes you happy if you have the opportunity.

SmudgeButt · 02/11/2019 22:27

Leave. life is too short.

And a 90 minute commute is not. 3 hours of your life every day gone just going to and from work?? Ridiculous.

Bostonbullsmumma · 02/11/2019 22:39

I lost my mum when I was pregnant with DC2. I had the same thoughts and still do. We however would be financially worse off. My mum also taught me to be independent but I know the best times in her life was when she was a stay at home parent to me and my siblings. Do what's best for you and your DC. You won't ever get this time back.

Original poster
Flowerpot26 · 10/11/2019 22:35

I've done it! It's in 🙂

OP posts:
PanchoBarnes · 11/11/2019 08:32

I think that's great, @Flowerpot26! 🎉

Rather than disappoint her, perhaps it is your Mum
who is giving you the inspiration to do it. Smile
Llife can be short -- enjoy your DC now. Flowers

(I lost my Mum two and a half years ago, and am still a heaping mess.)

Original poster
Flowerpot26 · 11/11/2019 09:16

Thank you, yes maybe it's just all so hard, sorry to hear you've been through it aswell. I do want to work but at the moment it's all such a struggle. I'm actually really excited and have been smiling feels a huge weight lifted for me and my husband x

OP posts:
gottagetbetter7 · 11/11/2019 09:32

I think you have done the right thing in your circumstances. Good luck for the future.

Confrontayshunme · 11/11/2019 10:13

If you are concerned about maternity pay, you can make a voluntary National Insurance contribution (usually about £100 per year) and you will get the full maternity allowance.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.