Is being in debt a deal breaker?

[Toknowanything]

My bf is a few grand into debt due to a few unforeseen circumstances that all came at once (he did have my sympathy) including loosing his job.

However since he’s been in debt his spending habits haven’t really changed I.e buying branded groceries, new designer winter coat but nothing wrong with his other designer coats, buying lots of chrimbo gifts, still got his Pay monthly gym membership etc etc

He’s stressed about the debt and asked me if I could lend him some money which I’ve gave him a few hundred and called it quits as he helped me out with my car last year.

He’s been offered a fairly well paid job that starts tomorrow but he’ll have to work a lot over Christmas that he wants off. Aibu to think bad money management is a turn off? Someone I should probably stay away from especially as we’re hoping to plan a future together?

Having married a BF with debt (now divorced) it would be a deal breaker for me. It’s one thing to have got into debt, and then try your hardest to get out and not fall into that trap again. Quite another to not change your habits. He might end up earning more, but increasing his debt to match!

To the extent that he is a grown up and has a well paid job now please encourage him to work all the hours sent over Christmas.

Take some time together when it is prudent

@Toknowanything

To begin with I was subbing him as the unfortunate circumstances weren’t his fault at all (guess he could have saved more but hindsight and all).

I think it’s the way that he’s handling it. I guess premarriage life is like a trial and it’s not a good quality. When I’ve ended up in my overdraft (uni days) I’ve lived off reduced food, free fun and layered up until I’ve cleared it. Then again I never really buy designer even when I do have extra cash.

YANBU. Debt in itself is very normal, especially for middle class people. Student loans, mortgages, car finance. I wouldn’t be alarmed by a bit of debt. But someone who has debts that they aren’t paying off aren’t relationship material.

Time off at Xmas is a luxury that it doesn’t sound like he can afford! I’m amazed really!

Why are some people finding it a problem with him asking for a loan . , when he’d obviously helped op out with money last year ?

Not the circumstances of him being in debt. But the carrying on as he was before would be. However this can be resolved but it's up to him to do it. If he didn't have that resolve then that would be a dealbreaker