Name changed for this..... sorry it's long!
I'm not sure if i really even AIBU but I've finally put an end to a toxic friendship which i'm really relieved about but the final straw ended up being something really minor so I guess my issue is whether I leave them all thinking I've ended a friendship over something very trivial or do I explain what the bigger issue is?
Some background......
I was married to a man i met when i was very young. I didn't realise it at the time but it was an extremely emotionally and financially abusive relationship. It was hard to see as all his friends and family behaved in the same way and wives and girlfriends seemed to accept this. I became very close to these wives and girlfriends and they were my main friendship group for over 13 years.
One day I discovered my ex had cheated on my had spent a year gaslighting me and ignoring me. This was my lightbulb moment and I left 2 weeks later.
My friends were not supportive at all - I met someone quite quickly who i've now married and had children with - he's brilliant and i've never been happier. We've now been together 7 years and life is good.
I've tried really hard to maintain the friendship but over the years they've:
- told me leaving my ex was a mistake and told me they think i'm having a mid life crisis
- Told me i've never got over my mum dying that that's why i made these poor decisions
- not invited me to birthday parties because their husbands won't have me in their houses
- made zero effort when i got married ( i organised all their hen do's and made huge efforts to make things special)
- When i contacted them after my first was born to say i was really lonely and struggling I was told 'i'd be fine'
I could go on but we'd be here a while!!
I've started to realise that this friendship is simply an extension of the toxic relationship I had with my ex. I have stepped back from the group but we still get together occasionally. We were meant to meet today and I suggested we do something relatively low key and suggested a couple drinks in the afternoon. Without asking one member of the group changed the meeting time and booked a restaurant which does food i don't like (she knows this) I said I wasn't really up for that and was essentially told to either go home before the restaurant or sit and eat bread....I was also made to feel really judged for saying I just wanted a few drinks ( we're too old for that apparently)
This was the last straw. I dropped out and said I wasn't coming and explained that I thought it was a bit rude to just book something without checking with everyone. They've made it clear that they think i'm out of order and 'pathetic'. I know it's no great loss but....i am a bit gutted that it's ended over something that does make me seem unreasonable!!! I'm usually a complete people pleaser but i'm just fed up of being treated terribly by these people.
Like I said....no real AIBU just wanted to have a little rant - DH is away and the dog is fed up of me already!!