AIBU to be so irritated by my MiL

[RaeCJ82]

I know, I know, I'm such a cliche, but my MiL just irritates me so much. Every single time she comes round to the house she asks if she needs to take her boots off and then tuts and says things like "my boots aren't even dirty" when I say "yes please". The ironic thing is she always says "shoes off" when we go to hers, even when we're obviously in the porch about to take them off.
She also complains every visit about how low our settees are (they're just normal settees, not particularly low) and then gets a cushion or two and sits on them on top of the settee cushion.
She also likes to comment on our parenting by saying things in judgemental tones about how she never did whatever it is when her kids were growing up. We went for a meal when DD was a baby and when DP took DD for a nappy change she said "oh I never expected (insert DP's father's name) to change a nappy when the boys were growing up. Not when they're working full time."
So AIBU to let these things grind my gears so much....

She sounds very annoying. I think grin and bear it is about all you can do.

Mine’s annoying. I had the same thing about the nappies and DH. We went on holiday with them once (never again) and she was horrified when I made DH do his fair share. Even made the ‘working all hours’ comment: Ridiculous.

Ignore is all you can do really and carry on as you are. I vent to friends from time to time and see her less. She misses out.

I got around my MiL comments about my DH working and her insistence I do all the baby care by telling her that if he put in the effort to create the baby by shagging me and getting me pregnant, he should make the effort to look after the end result. Never heard another word about it.

She’s a dick

Either ignore her or stand up for yourself - I think I’d take the stand up for myself routine and say “well, me and DH agree that he’s a 50/50 parent and we both pull our weight”. Call her out on every single comment and hopefully she’ll get the message.
Or grin and bear it and ignore her snidey comments... focus on her good points such as if she’s a nice grandma.
What does your DH say? Maybe he could stand up to her instead if he knows it’s upsetting you!

Buy her some slippers and a booster seat for the couch!!
Or suggest she just rings instead of visiting...

"Just because FIL didn't want to be a proper father, doesn't mean that DH has to follow"

I feel your pain. To be fair mil although brutally “honest” and rather negative is not the one annoying me today (rare visit) it’s fil. He does not help at all with anything not setting table clearing up anything. Worse he is like that at theirs so when hosting us mil whizzing round like a demon assisted my me and dh and fil sits there with a newspaper. Once noticed it’s enraging. I am actually jealous. Imagine having nothing to do at all with food prep yet meals appear as if by magic?

My FIL used to ask if i needed any help (eg if they came for a meal) as if so he “could send MIL in”. Drove me bonkers

Are you sure you are not talking about my MIL!!
I feel your frustration and annoyance. I spent a fair few years being very annoyed by my MIL and didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause trouble and I felt it was something my husband needed to deal with (but he wouldn't). After a rather heated discussion between myself and MIL I decided I didn't care anymore. Now after any comment I come back with a one liner and she is quiet. It has been been a few months now since she last made a comment about me, my life choices or my parenting. In hindsight I needed to have started this way back at the beginning.

You could ask her how she managed to get to yours without stepping on the ground or tell her that you're worried about her memory as she asks this every time even though the expectation never changes. But it might be best just to sigh inwardly and think that things could be worse! Irritating though.

Either ignore her or stand up for yourself

This.

Oh I definitely stand up for myself but she just continues with the same behaviour/comments.
We suggested she brings round some slippers, which she did, but she never puts them on.
She recently moved to a smaller property and is an absolute hoarder! She was moaning that she couldn't deal with sorting though the clutter. Her sons told her to just sort a little bit each day and that there was no rush. She continued to moan and then suggested that my DP could do it for her. There was absolutely no consideration for the fact that she doesn't work and that DP works full time with quite a commute each way and then has a toddler who he wants to see at the end of the day before bedtime! Thankfully, DP put his foot down!!

Family and all that. It’s just a case of picking your battles and not sweating the small stuff. You have to have a reasonable relationship with her as she’s your DHs mum so is always going to be in your life.

Agree to picking your battles. I’ve fallen out with MIL before and it was awful for months.
What’s the point? I reply firmly sometimes, other times I ignore.

But, I don’t call her, and try avoid seeing as much as possible. So that’s better than getting in to an argument. She’s the one who’ll miss out on time with grandchildren due to her constant passive aggressive comments!

How old is DD now?

No helpful suggestions, apart from cutting down on her visits to you (and yours to her). Stretch it out longer and longer between visits each time. Be too busy. She doesn't deserve so much of your time.

Actions speak louder than words.

He can't change a nappy because he works full time? What happens in the houses where both parents work full time?

Since becoming a parent I've realised sexism is alive and well isn't it!!! 🙄