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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry with DH over these fines

29 replies

Looking4wards · 02/11/2019 13:20

We've just had some parking fines through the door to the tune of nearly £300, with more coming.
We were surpised as we were registered with the parking company to take money automatically from our bank card when we park.
Turns out DH hasn't stayed on top of his emails and missed the emails (at least 3) from the parking company telling him that they were stopping their automatic payment system and he should register with the new company taking over.
This was over 2 weeks ago and we've only had the first week's of fines through so final amount is going to be over £600!

I'm angry that DH is so disorganised and not for the first time it's impacting the rest of the family. He says he's busy. We work the same number of hours in similar jobs, and do similar amout of chores/childcare at home (though I do all the mental load because he's too 'busy'). I just don't buy that he's too 'busy'. Lazy more like. And who's got a spare £600+ just because he couldn't be bothered to open his emails?!

I've told him he's paying the fines himself, but realistically that means nothing because finances are joint anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, please help me out, what can I do to get him to be less lazy?

OP posts:
AmberAndAlexsMum · 02/11/2019 17:05

You could try reducing your 'entertainment' budget by a certain amount monthly to cover the fines and make sure it impacts most on what he likes to do or eat. Hit him hard where it will make the most impact on him and then sweetly tell him it's the only way to pay the fines.

ConFusion360 · 02/11/2019 17:13

Rather than just pay the charges, why not submit an appeal based on the communication cock up?

You have nothing to lose.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 02/11/2019 17:20

Definitely appeal that, well, no, get him to appeal it! Have a look on Money Saving Expert, they love a good parking fine thread.

Wherecanwegetoff123 · 02/11/2019 17:24

Appeal. But save for the fine whilst appeal is being looked at. Might give you more time to pay it

SmallAndFarAway · 02/11/2019 17:25

No Christmas present for him?

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/11/2019 17:29

Appeal! Surely missing an email shouldn’t cost this much! What if you couldn’t access the account or something?

Cloverbeauty · 02/11/2019 17:36

Appeal it.

If unsuccessful, reduce everything he likes. Smoking, chocolate, alcohol etc. All gets cut back for 6 months. No Christmas presents either, maybe one small one if you're feeling nice.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/11/2019 17:44

What's the total timescale? Would a reasonable person consider that they've been a bit quick off the mark with the fines, taking things like holidays or illness into account, or are we talking weeks/months and it's solely down to his apathy/laziness?

I would certainly have a go at an appeal, as it's a lot of money at stake, but if he's generally lacking in the taking of his share of the mental load, then maybe some enforced austerity to prioritise payment of fines above his discretionary spending might focus his mind somewhat.

SummerHouse · 02/11/2019 17:46

I am well up for paying fines but this? No.

itsgettingweird · 02/11/2019 17:48

How much would the parking usually be?

Is the fine a reasonable amount to cover cost of what the company would lose by him not having yet set it up?

I'd definitely go for appeal but make sure when you do you immediately offer the amount you owe to settle

VirtualHamster · 02/11/2019 17:51

Who has been parking the car at the locations where these fines were incurred? No signs up there?

Wonkybanana · 02/11/2019 17:53

If he's not read 'at least' three emails from the parking company, appealing won't get you anywhere.

Find a way to make paying the fine hit him harder than anyone else, even though the finances are joint. Then stop taking the mental load wherever you can. His family's birthdays,, Christmas - either he sorts it or they don't get so much as a card. Let him feel the impact of his disorganisation, without you rescuing him.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/11/2019 18:18

I'd be fucking livid and not longer sharing joint finance with him.

Span1elsRock · 02/11/2019 18:22

Jesus wept, for £600 in parking fines I'd be getting the shovel out and lifting patio slabs.

That's unforgivable OP, when he had plenty of warning. You're carrying way too much of the mental load with him. I'd stop sharing finances too so next time he does something so stupid, he feels the impact instead of all of you.

woodchuck99 · 02/11/2019 18:22

I think he should appeal as is it is a genuine error. Was the title of the email clear? If it wasn't then I think he has a case. It's worth a try.

beefthief · 02/11/2019 18:24

@Span1elsRock i too would murder my partner in this case.

Topseyt · 02/11/2019 18:26

Yes, I would be furious too.

Appeal it and see where that gets you. At the same time, write to the parking company and get the email changed to your own. You might have breathe down DH's neck to get him to do that if the account is in his name. You shouldn't have to do that, but I guess it is the reality of the situation.

Topseyt · 02/11/2019 18:28

And separate your finances as much as possible.

Upsiedasie · 02/11/2019 18:30

Unforgivable? Really?

I’d be annoyed but realistically he hasn’t done it on purpose. The person upthread who asked if there were no signs in the carpark has a point.

Seeing as you take the mental load usually and this is his mistake, he needs to take responsibility for the appeal and maybe seeking some third party advice.

Hope you can get out of it...

AdoraBell · 02/11/2019 19:47

If he likes meat than change to vegetarian because you cannot afford meat/chicken/ sausages etc until the fines are paid.

firawla · 02/11/2019 19:50

I’d definitely try to appeal this. There should be clear signs up at the actual parking spaces or something? Anyone can easily miss an email or it could go to spam? I don’t see how fining £600 for that is okay really when it’s clearly an error?!

GinNotGym19 · 02/11/2019 20:00

Ring them and see if they will reduce them first! The same thing must have happened to loads of people. Just explain the email went to a rarely checked email, you feel the fines are quite excessive and can they please reduce them

lifecouldbeadream · 02/11/2019 21:06

There are definitely ways to appeal and ways to win at Ombudsman. It is time consuming, but for that amount potentially worth it. Have a look at the websites Money saving expert and pepipoo, and don’t restrict your appeal to only the issue at hand. If it goes to Ombudsman throw everything at it that you can.

lifecouldbeadream · 02/11/2019 21:07

And DO NOT ring them until you have read the websites advice. You could seriously jeapordise any chance of reducing the fines if you don’t read the advice first- don’t email them either. Read the forums and decide whether there is anything you can do.

LemonPrism · 02/11/2019 21:14

Tbf he wasn't awaiting any emails from them so they likely got lost? I know I get hundreds of crappy bloody spam emails.