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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"I hope we crash"

42 replies

Tothemoonandbackx · 01/11/2019 22:04

These were the words spoken to me by my 'supposedly' better half earlier on this afternoon. Bit of context, my OH has been driving since he was 18, he's now 31, I on the other hand, was a late learner and passed nearly 4 years ago, I'm also 31. We both have our own cars, but what we usually do on days off together, is use just the one,...makes sense, we're both going in the same direction...anyway, I'm currently off on maternity leave, so I've actually been driving more than usual. My OH has always been funny about me driving US anywhere, it's normally him driving if we're getting in together, for peace sake, I just let him get on with it. But today we were getting ready to go to his parents, and I asked if it would be ok if I drove up, no reason in particular, I just fancied getting behind the wheel, I do actually enjoy driving...I wish I would never have bothered asking now, as soon as the words left my mouth he snapped "No, I'm driving us up, I'm not having this", I asked what he meant by that, to which his reply was "I'm driving us up, I'm not arguing" Confused I said "it's not an argument, I was only asking if I could drive up, what's the problem, you always drive up, why can't I just drive us up once for a change" he said "I'm sick of it, you're just going to argue and end up doing it anyway" Confused this is probably the second time I've asked to drive us both anywhere for a long time, he stomped off to the car....stomped back up, swung the door open and then said, very seriously "I hope we crash"...........Not "I hope you crash"....."I hope WE crash", I must point out, I had my daughter in her car seat at this point ready to take her down to the car...AIBU to make him feel guilty to the end of his time for what he said????

OP posts:
FuntimeFranky · 01/11/2019 23:09

@Tothemoonandbackx Oh dear, if so you’re in for a miserable ride - no pun intended .

PixieDustt · 01/11/2019 23:10

or if he’s just over protective of the car/baby etc.

If he is over protective over the baby or the car he would never say 'I hope we crash' wtf!

What an awful man for saying that. I would have taken DD back in and told him to F off and go to his parents on his own! You just don't say shit like that

EKGEMS · 01/11/2019 23:23

Seriously Elieza your minimizing of something this disturbing makes me think you need help

Tothemoonandbackx · 01/11/2019 23:25

@Cherrysherbet funnily enough, he's been pretty quite all night regarding what he said, I didn't want to really bring it up again as we were actually heading to his parents before going up to his brothers for his nephews birthday party, (they live 30 seconds round the corner from each other and it's easier to park at his parents) and it didn't feel appropriate bringing it up at a child's birthday party xx

OP posts:
Tothemoonandbackx · 01/11/2019 23:29

@Walnutwhipster 8 years and honestly, alot of circumstances that I sincerely hope would never happen to anyone else has kept us together this long xx

OP posts:
YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 01/11/2019 23:33

Is he one of those people that believe it's the "Man's Job" to drive? That you driving is an attack on his "manhood"? He sounds quite crazy.

57Varieties · 01/11/2019 23:39

What a weirdo. His comment is disgraceful and his attitude to you driving is ridiculous. If we’re going somewhere together one of us just grabs the keys and gets in the driver’s seat and the other one’s a passenger, that to me is more normal.

Tothemoonandbackx · 01/11/2019 23:45

@Wereeaglesdare him of all people should know what it's like to loose babies, that's what I can't comprehend about his use of words, he knows what we've gone through and he says something so disgusting to me Angry xx

OP posts:
Tothemoonandbackx · 01/11/2019 23:49

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer it seems so, I don't think he's ever really been comfortable with me driving us, even before we had our daughter, and I can't understand it, he seems fine with me driving myself and his DD around, just not when he's there, and he's said on more than one occasion that he doesn't like driving🤔 ??? Where as I do, I love getting behind the wheel, it makes me feel more independent xx

OP posts:
PeopleMover · 02/11/2019 08:33

PeopleMover is this like a victim blaming response????

That wasn't my intention. But I just think that somewhere between being a victim and victim blaming, there's comes a bit of taking responsibility for your own choices. I wouldn't and couldn't choose to be with someone who wished harm on my baby.

I struggle with these threads and should probably avoid them. I hope you get whatever advice you were after.

AJPTaylor · 02/11/2019 09:10

Couple of possibilities really.
He is clearly a nervous passenger. I would try v hard not to take that personally. My ddad was the same. Only really happy if he was driving. Not because he though I was a terrible driver just that he struggled to keep his anxieties in check when he wasn't in control of the wheel.
Only you know whether this is an isolated issue. But I would make him squirm over his language. And I would repeat it to him in the cold light of day.

Elieza · 03/11/2019 19:23

@EKGEMS - I wasn’t aware that I needed ‘help’ because I don’t take a childish outburst from a manchild too seriously! He’s not threatened to kill anybody or prevent the children getting in the car with their mum has he? He’s just an overgrown manchild with control issues in the car who threw a tantrum. He’s like a child saying “I hate you and wish you were dead”. It’s a stupid thing to say.
However if he’s a full on manipulator about other things in the OPs life that’s a totally different ball game.

Yeah, OP he is bang out of order saying stupid stuff like that. Did he stomp his feet and rub off wiping his wittle eyes to his mums or for a cuddle. He’s pathetic. He should grow up, man up and get a grip on himself and his ridiculous outbursts. He’s no longer ten.

ForalltheSaints · 03/11/2019 19:27

Is he funny about being in a car with anyone else driving, or just you?

EKGEMS · 04/11/2019 01:59

The phrase "I hope we crash" is threatening and had a stranger said it the inference would've been viewed as sinister. The worst part is this is the partner of the OP and father of the child

Shoxfordian · 04/11/2019 06:15

If he said that to me, I'd have taken my daughter out the car and told him to go by himself

Seriously, don't tolerate this shit

TheQueef · 04/11/2019 06:21

Tell him you can save on costs and stave his chest in with an axe if he'd like?
I think you could blame hormones.

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 04/11/2019 06:29

What an extremely odd reaction from him. He definitely sounds like he had a tantrum and something he didn't really mean slipped out in anger, but I don't really understand WHY he was so angry at you driving?! The "I'm not having this" is really odd, and the "you're going to do whay you wabt" at the end sounds like he has some issues with you over something that are probably causing his reaction. Not excusing it at all though, it's a horrible thing to say. I'd sit down with him and ask him why he said what he said and hopefully you'll get some answers, because from where I'm sitting it's just very bizarre!

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