I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with my boss

[DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain]

This really isn't intended to undermine the very real horror of emotionally abusive relationships, but I don't know how else to describe it.

He gaslights me, he manipulates me, he lies to me and about me. He's convinced me that other people have issues with me but that he's had my back. He lets other people think I've criticised them/their work.

He loves to 'save me' from situations and will give me all his time and attention making me feel special, then cut me off or publicly undermine me. He withholds permission for me to go to meetings or on trips making me doubt my abilities. I'm often waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially if I upset him.

Yet he invited confidences and we have a completely open relationship and can say anything. He emails and texts me at all hours, often not about work, but if I need him in an emergency then I have to work for it.

And yet I'm still here after many years. Because of stereotypical things like 'he's nice most of the time' or because I'm left feeling like it's my fault or I've misunderstood or he's not really that bad.

Am I nuts? Is this a thing? Can you be in an emotionally abusive relationship that isn't romantic/sexual in nature?

He confides in you to draw you in and make you feel as if you can trust him, it makes it easier for him to wound you ....it's a kind of grooming

The fact that you are defending him and how he treats you when many PP have told you he is abusive and toxic should ring alarm bells.

You shouldn't have to be in cahoots to have an easy working life. This is unprofessional and not a normal working relationship with a Boss.

I had toxic people I have worked for but yours is far worse. Me and my boss disagree fundamentally sometimes but we don't fall out or stop talking to each other because we are adults in a professional setting. You need to get another job - that is the only solution.

What you describe is NOT a normal manager/employee relationship.

It's just not... you should be looking for a new job

OP this is extraordinary as I was just about to post to ask how to get out of the work Xmas dos because of my controlling and narcissist boss. He's a co-owner of the Company I work for - he does the same as your boss. Tells me he likes me more than others - then says others talk about me negatively. Talks about how close he feels to me personally and professionally - then he'll pick at my personality - trying to control me. I've spoken to a couple of other people who said he's done this to people in the past.

I know I have to get out. I will get out but it has to be the right move as I've only been in this business a year. Plus I'm achieving (you wouldn't think it the way he talks to me) but I'm outperforming people who have been there longer than me.

You have to leave it's not normal. Honestly I was literally about to come on here asking for similar advice!!

That is awful. I have first hand experience of very similar. The whole department were afraid of him and I, the new kid on the block got thrown under the bus and stabbed in the back constantly by colleagues trying to save themselves. I feel ill with stress and left - I advise you get out.

I have an employer like this sadly it is common in my industry so unfortunately for them I don't care anymore. When she tried to sack me a few months ago, I just said oh well that's a shame I am fairly surprised that said as I thought my work was good. It was most strange because I didn't act at all upset she seemed to snap out of it and said well yes your work is good and since then has acted like my best buddy, but I see her doing it to others and I expect she will turn on me again. I have a plan only hoping I get another 9 months out of this as that will have me in the best position, but either way I will be okay.

Find your way out OP